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Just a little venting

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Hope all my sparks buddies are doing just great. I am happy to watch the news from warm Mexico. Looking at the video and photos of the storm makes me shiver!!!

So my vent is that my DH is driving me crazy. Here is a man who I have followed and done so many things for throughout our life together. I have moved so many times due to his wants/needs/desires. So now the house across the street from his son (the one with two grandchildren age 4 & 6) is for sale and he would love nothing more than to buy it and move across the street. I know it is really bugging him as I know he would love that and has said so. The nice thing is that the daughter-in-law is the one that would really love it and has said so. I know she would like it as we are both so good with the kids. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my step grandchildren. But there is no way I want to move to Pennsylvania! I know I would be unhappy in the cold again and I am not sure I want to be all around the "drama" of family again. Remember, my mother moved back to Pennsylvania to live with my sister after building on a mother-in-law suite that is huge. By the way, now she is thinking about moving again into a retirement home where they have more activities as she says she is bored being in the country where my sister lives. So my sister is excited as she gets to benefit from all the improvements to her she and her husband would have a master suite that is incredible. So that whole thing only lasted a year. But if we were to move back not only would we be "nannies" but I would feel the pressure of driving and helping with my mother again. Remember she lived here in Mexico 6 years and I really did a lot for her. I was happy when she moved as it gave me a break. So no way do I want to move back into that situation. I feel bad for my DH as I know he would love to be across the street and help our with the grandkids. Just not for me. So he will have to be happy knowing that I accept that he wants to be near them more than I do (I get on kiddie overload) and don't complain when he goes for up to two months at a time. He is planning a trip in April and May and June. The granddaughter's birthday is April 17th and the grandson's birthday is June 1st so he will go up and stay for both birthdays. He will also work on finishing the basement which he has done all by himself. I know he wants me to want to go for a visit then but I am going to pass on this trip as we are taking the whole family....both sons, daughter in law, 2 grandchildren and my husband's two sisters to Florida to Disney world for two weeks at the end of June. So that will be my "spring" trip. My DH has rented a big house for this event. It will be fun to take the grandkids to Disney world. Anyway, I must be getting old as I prefer not to travel as much. So one spring/summer trip will be plenty for me.

Thanks for listening.
Do have a terrific week end.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • IRP1114
    I am on your side with this situation Sallie. It does sound harsh but you deserve to continue enjoying your retirement in Mexico. It would be nice for your hubby but I am sure he enjoys living in Mexico too! He visits very often and you never have any issues with his traveling. So I don't see why he would hold it against you for saying what you want. Good luck with it all :-)! I know how family drama can turn into more than it has to be. Hope it doesn't with this situation. You don't need or deserve that.
    1956 days ago
    Don't feel bad. The time has come for you to have what YOU want. We all go through that. You are a good person and you have done alot for the people you love. Love yourself a little too!!! You're worth it!!!!
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    1957 days ago
    Everyone needs to vent every now and then! I hope you guys can come to a mutual compromise like you said him taking his regular trips.
    1958 days ago
    I am with you Sallie. You would not have any
    privacy and yes, you'd be a babysitter. Stay where
    you are happy. It's good that you agree for your DH
    to go and visit when he wants. I don't think it will do
    your health any good in PA. Vent to us all you like.
    1958 days ago
    I am with move to the cold...helping wih family is good but being where it is all the time is too much
    1959 days ago
    I agree with you. I wouldn't mind living across from my grandson if it was Florida and not NY
    1959 days ago
    Sallie,I would never go back,you would end up being a glorified baby sitter for all their wants,trust me that is what will happen, then if you say no too many times hard feelings will set in toward each other. Then because it is your husband's son he would be upset with you.Reading your blogs all the time I have ALWAYS felt you go when ever & what ever restaurant he wants to go. or parties then you follow whether you want to or not.I am sorry if I am over stepping my boundaries ,but it is not just his life it is yours to.Life is too short to not want your desires. Gee Sallie it is not like you never did any thing to please him.
    Right now I am sitting here in Pa. surrounded by freezing cold, a big snowstorm last night.There is no way I want to be here in this. As soon as we retire we are out of here for the entire winter. I would stay right where you are in the beautiful weather. Your husband can go for months to Pa. to be with his family that should be good enough.Why is it always his way ???????
    Take care
    1959 days ago
    I wouldn't want to leave Mexico either. I think you compromise very nicely. Your DH gets to go as often and as long s he wants. I don' t see the need to move. emoticon
    1959 days ago
    Great that you know what is best for yourself. so many women give away their lives and then wonder later... emoticon
    1959 days ago
    Oh Sallie, venting on this one is important; much better than holding in the frustration. I'm not sure that becoming a part of one's children's support system is necessarily healthy for the adult children let alone the parents who finally are able to have their own lives. And from what you've written, it sounds like a tangled web of potential issues in PA even disregarding the possibility of leaving a wonderful life you've created in Mexico... A quagmire. The word Snowbird comes to mind when I think of the situation. Each of us has different desires that are most important at the heart of any issue, but you clearly love your home in Mexico, have valid concerns about the negative impact of any move to PA, yet enjoy the time you do spend with the little family (I refer to my sons' and nephew's families as that: the little families).

    When one weighs the positives and negatives and tries to imagine the realities, no decision would be perfect. In your shoes, I'd probably consider spending some summer months up north but remain where I feel free and happy... but I am single and no longer have to deal with the challenges of compromise.

    Were I in your shoes AND married? I'd tell my spouse that we need to take time - six months minimum - before action. That house that is so conveniently on the market should not weigh into a life-altering decision.

    1959 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    I am with you Sallie, family drama is just no fun.
    1959 days ago
    family drama is such a bummer, it would be a win for DH but a lose for you. Everyone would benefit except you and possibly your health would suffer with the mysterious condition that shows up unexpectedly and you know the US health system sucks when time is of the essence. I'm on your side stay in warm Mexico
    1959 days ago
  • LIS193
    You have a right to live your life the way that you want. You are happy where you are and would be unhappy back in PA, where the family obligations would be overwhelming.
    Your DH is very lucky you let him go for months on end to visit his family when he wants to. It seems that you spend plenty of time with them during the year - more than most other grandparents!
    Like you, I have followed my DH all over the world and have been happy to do so. If however he would want something I really wouldn't want, I'd put my foot down. He wanted a oat, I didn't so I told him I wouldn't be n board (no pun intended) with it and he would be on his own. He did get his boat, I have my me-time when he goes out :)
    Life is about compromise, not a one-way street.
    1959 days ago
    I can not imagine you living anywhere but where you are Sallie. You seem to love it so much there. And I remember the struggles you had with your mother. Just don't think you would be happy. Stick to your guns.
    1959 days ago
    As much as he wants to move, it may not be in his or your
    best interest to do so. It may make him happy but it will
    just be frustrating for you. I do hope you can compromise
    on this and he will see things from your point of view.
    At this point in your life, who needs more drama? HUGS!
    1959 days ago
    I agree with you Sallie, If I was living in Mexico I would not want to move back to PA, I hate the winters here more and more each year, I love to watch house hunters and the other day another couple bought a second home there and It was so beautiful, the weather, scenery, and so on. Not to mention the fact of family problems and kid over load, u will for sure go crazy. I would discuss the positives and negatives with him (emphasize ) the negatives emoticon and just tell him how u feel. PS... Just finished cleaning off my deck and car from Nemo! Have a wonderful day! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1959 days ago
    I know just how you feel I live across the road from my mom and right up the road from my brother my kids live only about a mile away and sometimes my idea of a vacation is to go somewhere alone I want a vacation from the family then I feel guilty but sometimes all this togetherness gets me stressed out . I take care of mom who is in a wheelchair so much of our vacations go like this find a place where we all can go that moms wheelchair can fit into the room and the bathroom, push her around to every single site ( no one else will even push her chair) then get her in and out of the car , put the wheelchair in the truck 2000 times a day, by the time the vacation is over Im exhausted and much of our vacations are spent in a cabin on a lake where all the kids go swimming the men go fishing and I get to cook and clean yep how fun right so for me I understand the need to get away from all the drama at times. Once just once I would love to go on vacation alone, and I do have fantasys of selling my house and moving to mexico lol
    1959 days ago
  • BERRY4
    Hat's off to you for recognizing the "facts" and not getting hooked into the emotion of family, and then making changes that you would NOT be happy with.

    When people make choices, it really does affect others... I'm glad that dh can "make do" and allow you your space and also do a bit of what he wants. Being ongoing nannies can be exhausting!

    Have a great weekend!
    1959 days ago
    Oh, I used to love to travel and now, well, just not so much. I'm pretty much in the middle of a lot of family drama here and I won't mind when things settle down and I'm not needed as much. I have not been terribly involved with my stepgrands (who are now 12-24 years old), and I don't think I could have moved out of state to care for them, but am a major caregiver to my 2 bio grandkids who live close by. Having my 85 year old mom over 2000 miles away is both good and awful. And because she and my hubby don't get along there is often conflict about visits.

    Anyway, stick to your guns. Do what you know will work for you. Having him visit those long visits may be just the compromise you need. Best wishes for the best solution possible. -Marsha
    1959 days ago
    Wow, I so feel you.
    As a Christian, I believe in being submitted to the authority of my husband. But I also believe I can be an influence, and have a right to give my opinion. I am widowed now, but I went through quite a lot with my DH. I got engaged after he passed away but then broke up - there was a lot of drama on HIS end from previous marriage -and am thinking independence is rather nice. I may or may not remarry - I would LIKE the companionship - but if I do I'm gonna look for someone who doesn't have the drama!
    I DO like to travel still, but I'm sure that will change as it gets more difficult.
    I pray you and DH work something out and have a long healthy life together. MY desire is to retire to PERU (I especiallylike the rain forest region) so I can understand you not wanting to leave Mexico!
    1959 days ago
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