SOBBED on the Treadmill This Morning!

Friday, February 08, 2013

Not because I had accomplished some amazing feat like jogging for 10 min, or accomplishing 13.1 miles. NO, I cried because the realization of a goal not accomplished.

13 months ago I set the goal to be in ONEderland by the time my Senior son (at that time a Junior) had his last home high school Varsity basketball game. At the time of that goal I weighed 310.2lbs.

January 2012, my two boys (Junior and Sophmore) and me

April of last year I fell off track. Tried several times to struggle back onto the path but never quite succeeded.

This morning, as I did my assigned half marathon workout, I sobbed! It hit me that today was/IS the day and I haven't made it to my goal, Not even close! I was surprised at the extent of emotion that came flooding out of me, with tears flooding and chest gulping.

It was cleansing AND a wake up call (how many do I need to add to the list?) This day was going to come no matter what I did. It was up to me to make that dream, the goal, a reality!

I lost site of that vision. Lost site of putting me first.

So tonight, at the beginning of the Varsity game, I'll be escorting my talented, handsome son. I won't be in ONEderland but I will walk tall and be proud of ME, who I am and what I have done and WILL do!

Tonight I'll be walking on that court at 290.6. 19.6lbs less than when I set my goal.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    "So tonight, at the beginning of the Varsity game, I'll be escorting my talented, handsome son. I won't be in ONEderland but I will walk tall and be proud of ME, who I am and what I have done and WILL do! "

    Loved this statement! Definitely.... be proud of who you are, what you have done and will do! Enjoyed the photo too.
    2202 days ago
    Your blog really touched me. I'm so sorry you aren't able to reach your goal but I love how you've turned around that to pride!

    You should be proud. You may not have lost all you wanted, but you have made progress and progress isn't ever easy.

    Keep focusing on all of your goals and keep moving. You can get there! I'm really proud of you and inspired by you!

    2202 days ago
    You did lose weight. I'm glad the cry was an experience of release for you, so you can make a fresh start now.
    Do you know WHY you got off track in April? Maybe analysing where and why you went off track can help you make a plan to be prepared next time you meet such circumstances. So then you can make a different choice.
    2202 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/9/2013 1:55:44 PM
    Try to enjoy the night without focusing on what you didn't accomplish but on what you have accomplished. Your son is proud of you no matter what. I have a similar goal of being 50 lbs lighter by my son's graduation in May. I'm thinking 30 could still happen. I better start doing more than I have been if I'm going to reach that goal!
    2202 days ago
    2202 days ago
    Foremost don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing amazing things at this very moment you're in training. Ok, you had a slip we all do myself including BUT slowly but surely you got back on the wellness bus and you're on your way ! You are not alone Sista, big hugs !!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2203 days ago
    krista, I'm back up too. Not back to where I started, but up almost 40 lbs, so I get it. I've been off track for months. What matters is that you are back on that treadmill now. What matters is you are walking tall and proud of you. What matters is you are training for a half marathon. :) Me too. Mine is in May, so together we can do this. :)
    2203 days ago
    Sounds like some powerful realizations, expectations, and determination! :)

    All the best,
    2203 days ago
  • CARRIE1948
    This is what happens when you make a weight figure your goal. The past is gone and can't come back. So, re-commit yourself to your current goals and be proud of losing weight,
    2203 days ago
    You're such a good mom. I'm sure your presence and support is all that your son will remember from this day, not your weight. Be proud and enjoy the moment. They grow up so fast.

    You are doing so awesome! Keep moving forward and you will reach your goal. The time is going to go by no matter what. Will you be losing while it passes? YES YOU ARE! YOU CAN DO IT!

    2203 days ago
    Don't be hard on yourself it wont help ... just be proud that you are down 20 pounds and not up 20 pounds and emoticon emoticon
    2203 days ago
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