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Heavy Topic, be Warned.

Friday, February 08, 2013

I'm learning about how to become Binge Free from lots of folks on the Living Binge Free Team! Thanks everyone!

Right now I am taking the 21 day challenge to stay Binge Free. I've learned that I am stuck in a habit of self medicating myself with binges. It is my go-to response to many triggers. One is seeing sweets on tv, or on Pinterest. It's food porn to me. Another is if stay in the kitchen after supper and I'm alone with the pantry and the cookies, I start gobbling. Most often it occurs on nights when I've had a particularly stressful day.

I've been having a binge 2-3 times a week lately. I'm on day 3 of my latest streak. I aim to be successful with sane eating. I am journaling about my urges to eat. Sometimes it works, others I forget to journal because the urge catches me off guard.

Last binge I was conscious of the desire to binge as I reached for the first cookie. Fully planning to binge, I even knew what the trigger was. And the fact that I was aware of it was a good sign that I will get to the point that I will avert the damage caused, by turning away after one or even no cookies. and turning to my journal, or to reading a good book.

I have borderline personality disorder, and when I have stress especially due not feeling like someone is understanding my side of things or acknowledging how I feel about a situation, I don't address it except by having a binge or lashing out at the other person involved. I used to be a "cutter". But I have overcome most of the behaviors associated with BPD and have been very stable for years. I think recently I have had some relapses due to additional stress that I wasn't anticipating and haven't handled well.

I know this is a heavy topic. And I am putting myself out there admitting to you that I have these problems. But you all are so full of love and support that I feel I can entrust you with my heart.

Thanks for listening. I am doing better the past couple of days and have a hopeful peaceful feeling right now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • _JODI404
    Lori, I'm so happy that you are feeling more peaceful right now.

    I know that journaling is SO helpful for you, so that is great that you are utilizing that -- it will help you on so many levels.

    I've never been a binger... but I've certainly eaten food due to stress that I know doesn't do anything to help the stressful situation. The advice to seek alternatives right at that moment makes a lot of sense.

    Congratulations on your current streak. You will continue to learn lessons and get stronger as you go through this journey, and you do have an awesome group of supportive friends that you can open up to here. I think you are doing great!
    You've overcome quite a lot in your life, and I know you can continue to do so!

    emoticon emoticon
    1896 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/10/2013 10:00:34 PM
  • LARISSA238
    *hugs* You can make it through! Just keep going. If you binge, get up and start being binge free from that point on. If you could quit cutting, you can quit bingeing. I know you can do this!
    1896 days ago
    LoriLee thank you for sharing your struggles. I am not able to offer advice since I suffer from the same binging. I also eat till the product is completely gone wheter I am still hungry or not. I'm glad you found the new group and they are helping you over come your problem. Good luck with your journey and never stop learning! Lucinda
    1897 days ago
  • KANOE10
    You can do it. Keep learning about yourself and ways to avoid the triggers to a binge.

    Great job of staying on track.
    1898 days ago
    emoticon The fact that you realized what the trigger was for a binge is major. For so many years I was totally clueless what my triggers were; in fact I didn't even think I was an emotional eater. And you are right...recognizing the triggers will lead to the ability to stop the binge. It won't be perfect and it does take practice, but you are certainly on the right track to eat more healthfully.

    One thing that has helped me when I'm in that car teetering at the top of the cliff ready for the car to fall off and plunge into cookies, whatever, I touch my little finger to my thumb and say, "It's my choice." This often times is enough diversion to be able to put the car in reverse and save myself from a binge.

    Your blog showed your vulnerability and I think this is another major step towards recovery from binge eating.

    1898 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I knew for decades why I binged. It didn't stop me. I felt justified. It wasn't until I started thinking of the binge thoughts as obsessive-compulsive that I became determined to resist them. The recommendation is to find something pleasurable or productive to do instead to divert from the thoughts. Over a period of time, it actually changes the brain patterns of people with OCD. I figured it could work with obsessive eating, and it has. It doesn't mean the thoughts don't come. (It is food, after all, which is inherently reinforcing.) They're just not as oppressive.
    1898 days ago
    Thanks for sharing, Lori. I wish you all the best as you continue this journey. emoticon
    1898 days ago
  • -AMANDA79-
    Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you've made a lot of really great progress. Hope it continues!
    1898 days ago
    lessons learned .
    1898 days ago
    I'm working on this issue as well...a quote I read recently from a Real Simple article hit home:
    "When a craving comes from something other then hunger, eating can 't satisfy it."

    I think you should congratulate yourself on getting to the root of your bingeing! emoticon
    1898 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    We all go through bad times to get to the good times.

    I'm glad you're in a hopeful peaceful place and hope it continues for you!


    1898 days ago
  • POPSY190
    emoticon It is hard to speak publicly about these issues, but even harder to face them yourself and you have accomplished both. I have. No doubt that you will tackle the bingeing with the same courage that you have dealt with other issues. Those issues do not define you. You are the person who is tackling them head on. emoticon
    1898 days ago
    It sounds like we're going through the same thing right now. I wish I had some advice, but... I'm struggling myself. Hang in there, keep learning, keep fighting.
    1898 days ago
    Hi thank you for sharing something so difficult and personal! My daughter has struggled with anxiety and bulimia for many years. She has come a long way but I only recently learned about her binging.

    He recently became a NEDA navigator to help others. I am looking into volunteer opportunities myself.

    My niece was a cutter and her recovery is going very well. I really believe both girls' recovery took a giant step forward once everyone in the family became aware of their issues!

    You are doing a great thing for yourself by talking about this! Never stop reaching out!


    1898 days ago
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