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Some Thoughts After My SIL's Passing

Thursday, February 07, 2013

My dear brother shared with me my sister-in-laws final moments, too sacred to speak of except that I will say a few moments before passing, she saw her "Mommy" and called out to her three times.

I was reminded of a dream I had just a little while before I went in to have my kidney removed for cancer, three years ago. I was sitting in a large waiting room, like a church auditorium, lined with hard metal fold up chairs like you see set up for people who have come for a dance. I was waiting for a nurse to call my name.

Several others were called before and I was anxious to get it it over with. I seemed to know that those who were called would not be coming back. As I sat there on that hard chair, Mother came and sat down beside me and put her arm around my shoulder.

She didn't say a word, but just sat with me until I was called. My name was finally spoken and I walked through the door not knowing what to expect and I woke up.

I was reminded upon awakening, of the scripture in Isaiah 66:13, "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem." I knew the Lord was telling me just as my own mother who loves me so much and was watching out for me, so too Jesus is and does and I was to accept His comfort as well. I seemed to know I would be OK no matter what.

I knew the "hard chairs" only represented the difficulty of what I was going through. I never associated the auditorium with dancing until now. We all are learning to "dance" with the Lord. He told me one time, years before "let's tango". Shortly thereafter I read a Guideposts article about learning to dance with God. I wish I could find it again. It think it was in a 1996 magazine when we lived in Manti at the time. It could have been earlier.

At any rate, waltzing is easy compared to the Tango. I needed to learn the waltz first . I had to learn how to follow instead of lead. The tango is more difficult. My experience with cancer a second time around was only practice with the steps I could never seem to get just right.

I am however reminded, "practice makes perfect" and I have had to go through many health problems in order to learn how to "let go and let God deal with my wayward family members as well as with my adverse financial circumstances. Being up tight all the time, trying to figure out the next step, when I hadn't mastered the first steps well, only prolonged the agony of ill health exacerbated by eating wrong and too much, yo yo dieting, losing and gaining.

It was not my physical weight that held me bound to my unrest as I thought. Getting rid of the lies that held me bound to my self defeating behaviours was hard to get right, one of which was, as I stated in my last blog, it is not my job to change anyone else's heart, however subtly I try to do it for my own peace of mind. That task belongs to the Lord. It is His work and His glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. My only task was and is to follow Him and love others unconditionally. He will lead out. I must follow. I needed to stop counseling the Lord and learn to take counsel from His hand. I might need to go to the left and speak up or the right and keep my mouth closed, but He will do the leading.

With all my challenges, I am only learning to dance with the Lord.

And when my name is called and I pass through that door, it is my sincere prayer that Jesus will tell me of my well learned dance steps, "Well done thou good and faithful servant,..... enter thou into the joy of thy reward."

Since that dream, and after I had the operation and numerous other problems, I read this wonderful poem entitled "Dancing With God". I loved it and know you will too.

I am giving you the web page so you can read it from there. Love you all immensely.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SHARON2018
    This is exactly what I need right now. I will come back and read more slowly when I have time. Blessings to you and your family at this time of loss. emoticon
    1931 days ago
    Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I, too, am learning to dance with God. The hardest part for me is to let God lead. (My husband can attest to that.)

    My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the entire family. emoticon
    1931 days ago
    Well said.
    1931 days ago
    How well written. May God comfort you as strongly as you feel his Guidance to Dance. I loved the link you shared "Dancing with God". Absolutely Beautiful.

    Thank you for Share yourself with us. emoticon
    1932 days ago
    So sorry to hear sister past. My condolence to you and family. What a experience you had with him. And great to hear that you've beat the cancer. Way to go.

    emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    David danced with all his might before the L-rd; and David was girded with a linen ephod. 2 Sam 6:14
    1933 days ago
  • SAL1512
    How touching a blog . . . I could not help myself. I had to just stop and weep.
    Sally emoticon
    1933 days ago
    CINDYCHARLENE, it appears that you were dancing with the Lord as you posted this blog. Through your words, the Lord spoke to my heart. Thank you for allowing Him to lead.
    1933 days ago
    My condolences to your family. May special memories give you comfort.
    The pictures here are beautiful. . .Our heavenly Father is the best partner, and His abiding grace is our source of joy.
    1933 days ago
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