Still chugging along....
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Just a quickie to remind myself to BE here!!!
Good intentions/road to hell and all that. Only worked out 11 times in January. Swore February would be different. Have worked out exactly 1 time so far this month! Duh. Still fluctuating between 149-152 so I shouldn't complain, at least I am holding and not gaining but jeez, I'm tired of pussy footing around.
Intended to reclaim this month but have 2 sisters with birthdays this month and am TRYING to be supportive of my nearby sister and her recent tragedy/loss as well as try to give my mom some attention. However yesterday I started feeling resentful. I had a full day planned, starting with a workout, and my sis called in the A.M. and kept me on the phone for 3....count 'em 3...hours. When I hung up my own b.p. was sky high, yet I was exhausted. Tried finding ways to calm myself down and found some lovely music which proceeded to chill me down to barely being able to get out of my chair. I laid around and did nothing, just stewed in my exhaustion and mounting sense of frustration and- I'm ashamed to say- some vague resentment that so many people are leaning on me Selfish cow, huh?
My sis in Hawaii finally found her dream home on the ocean on the Big Island and is set to move in a couple months. Much as she drives me nuts, I'd love to go help her move, just to get away. I think I could even get a handle on my fear of flying to make the long trip (maybe). Unfortunately, my local sis can no longer house/pet sit, since her spouse died and she has to be at home to care for her own pets....and I can't get my mom to promise to stay with my sis at her locale and can't very well leave my husband stuck with my mom's needs and problems....soooooo......I guess I better pass on that one. Probably just as well, my Hawaii sis would want me to do insanely physical stuff and help handle her horses, some of which are very unruly studs and that just isn't my thing anymore. She actually , seriously, wanted my hubs and I to consider selliing and moving in with her...and if it weren't for quarentining 5 dogs......I would try to seriously figure out a way to do it. (She got a lovely home with 3 bedroom/2 baths and lower area set up for an 'in law' suite...on 10 acres overlooking the ocean!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) I can't determine if the stress here is making me want to 'run away' or if I'd seriously consider it.
...sorry to drone on . I've meant to check in and send my good thoughts to you all. I think of you all frequently and even have had on my 'to do' list; Say hello to friends on SP" for weeks now. Just felt like I didn't have anything uplifting to tell you.
Still not counting calories but not eating much (until night binge time) and found myself down the rabbit hole recently obsessed with bidding on handbags on ebay!! Apparently my preferred way to 'escape' ! lol
Hope to catch up soon and hope you are all well!!!!