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Feeling Good

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

So, I haven't been back on the wagon for too long, but I'm already feeling better psychologically. I feel like I'm finally getting back on track and more motivated to really get going and ready to see more definite results! I am waiting to get my plexus in the mail, but that should be here any day since I got one of my things yesterday. (If you do have any questions about it, let me know and I can give you some information/my website!)

I've just felt HUGE lately. I have been staying between the same 5-7 lbs the last 3 weeks but the other day when I was hanging out with "The Boy" we were watching tv (probably a Nuggets game) and I just felt...MASSIVE. I usually have pretty decent self-confidence, but the one thing that makes me self conscious is my weight and how I look.... OY...I felt like I was a HUGE FAT BLOB sitting on that couch and just wanted to disappear! I think that I felt like that more the other day because I knew that I was going to be changing and wanting to change and I almost NEEDED to feel that way in order to really push me to want to make changes. I'm tired of being self conscious about how I look compared to other people- especially the other teachers I work with. I also don't want to be "the fat teacher". There's another woman that teaches 3rd grade who is overweight and as bad as it sounds, I often times compare myself to her, hoping that I'm at least "smaller" than she is. I hate knowing that I think that way. She's a very nice person and her students seem to really love her.

I've always been told that I'm pretty, which is great, but sometimes I don't feel very pretty, or in my mother's words: You're so much more beautiful than your friends, but you would be a knock-out if you could lose weight!" My dad and mom are both SUPER supportive and are always giving me words of encouragement,. My mom actually told me a while ago that while my dad is really excited that I'm going to be trying to lose weight, he's also afraid that with losing the weight that I might get more attention from men than he would like HAHAHA! But I'm sure he doesn't see that as a totally bad thing since both he and my mom have really been pushing the "when are you going to get a real boyfriend and stop hanging out with "The Boy"" (insert his real name where "the boy" is). I just have to keep reminding them that even if I do lose all this weight, if it doesn't change and I'm still spending time with him, I'm happy. I'm very happy/content with where I am right now and who I'm spending my time with.

"The Boy" is really supportive too, and whats nice is that even with him being supportive, I never feel like he's judging me or making the comments because he wants me to change in order for him to like me. He's supportive because its what I want and what I'm working toward. I'm very excited about this next venture and to really get going on my goal and, even though I know that setbacks are part of the whole experience, I'm ready to get to my first mini-goal and then on to the next.

My mini goals include:

8-10 pound loss every month
Working out consistently
Making time to rest when I need it
Drinking my water
Stay positive even if I don't necessarily feel positive every moment of every day.

On another note:

I tutor two girls during the week. One is in 5th grade, and the other is in 7th grade. The mom of my 5th grader asked me the other day if I would want to tutor both her 5th graders (twins) through the summer in reading, writing and math so that they can be ahead of the game when they start 6th grade in the fall. Also, she wanted me to take the girls on some field trips- like to the museums and stuff- which will be fun. Denver has some really cool museums and different places to go/explore. I told her that I would think about it, but I'm really excited about it. It will give my summer some structure, but I will still have time to work out and do what I want outside of it. The mom is going to be talking to the mom of the 7th grader about having her daughter join us as well so I'll be teaching 6th and 8th grade material. I'm also going to talk to the moms about basing the reading that we do around building the girls' self esteem and confidence and having a healthy self image. I think that it would be a good thing to put some emphasis on since they are in that age range where it's SO important to build that mentality. Anywho, I'll know more details as time goes but I'm really excited about the opportunity that I have for this!

I need to get going with my day and get some plans done for this afternoon, but I wanted to just get some thoughts out so they wouldn't be swimming around in my head!

Until Next Time emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It''s so great that you are getting your groove back even starting to think about summer which is around the corner, crazy!
    Of course you are a beauty and it's nice that mom and dad share that they think so as well emoticon
    1961 days ago
    Awesome plan!!! I really hope the summer tutoring works out seems like it could be pretty neat. You are right self image is huge for girls and I hope the summer reading helps them with that!
    1962 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/5/2013 8:34:00 PM
    Writting about feelings is such a release.. I know I struggle with body image a lot always have even when I was your age and I still do at the age of (cough,Cough) fiffff.teee.. hahah but you know it does get better keep telling your self that what people already know about your, that you are smart, beautiful and strong person..

    keep pushing you can do it
    1962 days ago
    It's great that you are staying plugged in and blogging regularly again.

    You ARE a beautiful woman. As you lose weight, you will become more confident. That confidence will only enhance your beauty.

    Comparison is the root of dissatisfaction. (I also know it is virtually impossible to avoid). Try your best to focus on your habits, following your fitness and nutrition goals.

    I don't really know what your relationship with The Boy, as you've kept that private. However, it's obvious he is an important part of your life and contributes to your confidence.

    Keep rolling with your momentum.
    1962 days ago
    You have good goals planned for yourself. They are pretty much exactly like mine! I'm always here if you need a push!

    And I do the same thing with comparing myself to others and hoping I'm smaller. It sounds awful but.. I feel like a house most days so... idk.
    1962 days ago
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