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My 'miracle' scale?

Monday, February 04, 2013

This last weekend my healthy habits routine was dealt a significant blow. The routine was shaky to begin with so it didn't take much for it come toppling down. I wish I could blame it on Super Bowl festivities but that only accounts for one day's worth of self-sabotage.

I've been weighing in everyday now and have unfortunately noticed the number on the scale heading in the wrong direction since last Wednesday's weigh-in.

Naturally, I woke up this morning a little concerned over this week's hastily approaching weigh-in. Left with only 48 hours to come up with a last ditch attempt at getting back to 207.5 - I thought I might need a little more help besides just diet and exercise.

My first thought was to cut my hair but I quickly decided against that solution. I'd probably need to adopt a buzz cut if I wanted to really see a difference on the scale and I actually like the longer style that I have going on right now. So vanity won this round.

Next I considered my weigh-in attire. Usually, it's just whatever I was sleeping in and since I don't make a habit of sleeping in the buff - shedding the clothes might help. First, I'd have to change the weigh-in location from the kitchen to the bathroom. For some reason, the scale in our house is kept in the kitchen under a cabinet. It's never bothered me before but now that I'm considering a bare-butt weigh-in, things could get a little awkward in the morning with my parents.

Oh yes - I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I moved back home when I was done with the cruise line and I've been taking advantage of my parent's generous nature since then - at least until I can find a job.

Seriously though - I'm an AWESOME employee. I don't know why I'm still unemployed.

Ok, yes I do - but we won't get into that just now.

Oh great. Now you probably think I'm a convicted felon or something and that's why I'm having a hard time finding gainful employment. It's nothing like that - I'm just being very picky about what job to take. I don't want to get burned out again and I'm pretty over-qualified for the jobs I've been applying for. I didn't mean to go into all that but the fingers kept typing.

Anyway, excuse me for a minute while I try and figure out where this blog post was going.

Hmm, horrible weekend... cutting hair... naked weigh-in...

Oh, yes. Here we are... My last attempt to rescue Wednesday's weigh-in was to buy a new scale. I've been putting it off for a while since I'm pretty broke and I've been very good about procrastinating the purchase.

I decided that buying a new scale (out of all my other ideas) would be the best choice. I've read other people's blogs where they've gone and tried a new scale only to have very different results. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

I really don't know why some scales weigh you differently. I mean - their whole job is to give you an accurate number. How accurate are they really if none of them give the same result?

It'd be like using a calculator and having different answers. "Sorry teach - it's not my fault I got the question wrong - my calculator is different than yours. You know how calculators can be sometimes..."

This scale phenomenon doesn't bother me too much though since I was counting on it to rescue my weigh-in.

So I headed off to Wal-Mart in search for my miracle scale. While I detest the store and normally try to avoid it, I had to find a cheap miracle scale due to the lack of funds and Wal-Mart was my best option.

I ended up walking about a mile in the store just trying to find the scale section.

Places the scales are NOT located:
- The bath goods section
- The health and beauty aisles
- The fitness area
- The electronics aisles
- Any obvious area in the store where a scale SHOULD be located

Where ARE the scales located?
- The hardware section right next to the toilet lids (yeah - cause that makes a lot of sense)

Partway through my quest I considered asking a store employee for help but was afraid they would look at me and think "Isn't it a little too late for that?"

Or worse, they wouldn't know where the scale section was either and would have to radio in the question while I stood there inwardly cringing at hearing my quest broadcast across the employee radio waves.

No thank you. I think this search needed to be a solo quest.

I was starting to get frustrated after a while though. I was beginning to think Wal-Mart must've hidden the scales so their customers wouldn't buy them. That way all their customers would remain fat, happy and buying tons of cheap Wal-Mart junk food.

Luckily, my imaginative battle of wills against the Wal-Mart shelf stocking conspiracy helped me stay on course and not give up the quest.

Once I finally found the scales I picked the second cheapest one I could find. Even though I'm broke, I shelled out an extra 4 dollars because the cheapest scale they had displayed your weight in glowing red numbers. I don't know about you, but I'd really like to avoid my weight looking like a warning/hazard sign every time I step on the scale.

Excitedly I went home to try out my new miracle scale. Unfortunately, my quest through Wal-Mart and the ensuing mental battle against their thinly veiled attempt to keep America fat was for naught. My 'miracle' scale ended up displaying my weight as 0.3 pounds higher than my other one. I knew there was a risk of that happening but I had to give it a shot anyway.

I guess I'll just have to resort to a Wednesday weigh-in that's performed au naturel this week.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Jeans are worth at least those 0.3 lbs back. Hilarious rationale for why walmart makes it so difficult to find the scales, if you haven't encountered the "people of walmart" web site yet, it's a frightening hoot.
    1935 days ago
    I loved your blog! I loved how you wrote it and you made me smile and chuckle through out it! Good luck on Wednesday!!!!!
    1936 days ago
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