Like no Grief Before
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Its February already?! Where has the time gone?
I've never really felt like I was "in mourning" before. Sure, many people in my life have died-friends, classmates, family. I went to a Catholic school, so any time a member of the student body died, we had a funeral at school. Cheery, huh? While I was close to some of those, I was so depressed in those years that I was more thinking that I should be dead instead of them. Now, I may have mentioned in previous blogs about my uncle who was too young to have been diagnosed with colon cancer early enough to survive. He had been on a very steep downward slope for the last month. His last round of chemo almost killed him. So, he was out of options and off chemo. We had a "Celebration of Life" party for him. It was like a going away party. All the people that knew him in his life were there, telling stories of his past. We had plenty of cards for everyone to write memories of him, arranged in an album. He was yellow from liver failure the whole time but seemed to enjoy himself. A week later, my dad called me to tell me my uncle was on his way out, not expected to live 2 days. Our family had over a year to prepare, so all the arrangements had been made. I still couldn't even believe this happened. He lived 12 more days before he died. Its been the hardest loss I've ever dealt with. He was a big part of my life, being my mom's youngest brother. He lived in the same small town his entire life, and I never went more than a month without seeing him. I skipped the visitation because I knew the funeral would be hard enough, but I had no idea how much I would cry! I couldn't help it, it must have been nearly 2 hours straight. It was hardest on his brother, I think. They were so close that they would talk for hours every day, on the phone and in person both. Its been so rough for me, though, and I am doing pretty well in not turning to food for comfort. As for alcohol, though, I would've been drinking more if I hadn't had strep all week. Or if I could afford it. All I can say is that I've been enduring, no more, no less. I guess I can hope that the grief suppresses my appetite. Anyway, that's how things have been going for me. In case any of my SparkFriend were feeling neglected or wondering why I haven't been as active on my SparkTeams lately. I'm working back up to it.
As for my goals, I've exceeded my weight-loss goals for January and am very proud of myself! I'm pretty sure I lost at least 4 pounds, double my goal of 2! As for my other goals, I don't even care. They're just icing on the cake. I met a few but not others. My most important one is always the weight-loss. It feels great to have met it for once! My highly active job is surely to thank for much of that, since I've been burning between 4 & 5K calories a week and walking 20 miles weekly. And thank you to my wonderful FitBit tracking all these things for me!!! Surely they would have gone untracked otherwise. Onward and upward to a new month