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The butterfly in me..

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Yesterday was a very busy day for me, the first of several for the next week actually. I went to see a good friend of mine who had a couple of job leads for me. I hadn't seen her in almost five years, so it was really nice to catch up too on our lives.
I left feeling so empowered. I realized after leaving how blessed I am to have such people in my life. Even during times when I have let my self-doubt get me down, I have people around me who love me and tell me continuously that I can do anything! With that said, you would think I have no excuse when it comes to anything I want to do in life. However, I know now and realize that my biggest obstacle is ME. I have to believe in ME. I married right after high-school and let my dream of continuing my education go in order to follow my ultimate dream, which was to be a wife and a mother. Even then I let me get in the way of following my dreams. I had all sorts of beliefs in my head.. things like: "You can't afford to go to school," or "You probably couldn't even pass the entrance exams!, and my favorite: "Good wives and mother's don't need an education." These were just SOME of the things I believed. Some of these were my own thoughts, some of these were from my childhood, some from my husband, but I certainly played a part in convincing myself that I couldn't do it. At the age of 46 I got the chance to go back to school as part of a severance package from my job that was outsourced. I remember sitting in my driveway after completing my first week of college and thinking....OMG, I can't do this! I was so overwhelmed, I cried. But, I knew this was the chance of a lifetime to finally prove to myself that I COULD do it. Afterall, I had just did something else I didn't think I could do. I lost 75 lbs leading up to the starting day of school! I had made major positive changes in my life and I was not going to let this opportunity go, not when I had it handed to me. So, for the next 2 years I worked diligently......and graduated with recognition. I had no idea that my decision to return to school would contribute the final blow to my marriage. For the next few years, I can't tell you how many things happened in my life. Personal illness, a doomed and crumbling marriage, the loss of my parent, the birth of a grandchild. All of that happened to bring me to where I am now... and I have to choose, do I let all of that wash over me until I just give up and drown? Or, do I pick up the pieces and start all over again? Well, the one thing I have never been in my life is a quitter. Something in me just will NOT allow it. Am I scared? You bet. Do I still hear the voices, oh yeah! But will I let all of that defeat me? No... I just can't. I have struggled with my weight most of my life. Up and down, yo yo dieting, fad diets, starvation, and none of that worked. I don't think I will ever defeat it. I think for me its much like any other addiction. I have to first admit I have a problem and face it head on. It has to be a major life change with me. I have made those first steps....and I am making progress with ME. I am learning every day that you have to love yourself FIRST. I am proud of my accomplishments in life. And I am thankful for the blessings I have. I have two beautiful children, a lovely grandchild, a wonderful, loving and supportive family. I thank God every day for where he has brought me and I know I can do anything through Him. I will keep fighting ME until I become the best ME I can be. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hope you know what a blessing you are..I loved your blog ..If only I could communicate as you do my friend..I want you to know I'm so proud of you..I love watching you grow and am so thankful that God has allowed me to know you emoticon
    1900 days ago
    I used to tell Janie,

    This road like any road will have its hills and vallys, its twists and turns, I do not know what Gods plan is, but I do know it is a perfect plan.

    God watches over us and he sometimes nudges us in the direction we are to go.
    And God wants us to be successful in our lives.
    He is right there with you, and that my friend is all you need.

    1900 days ago
    You are a fighter Mellie, an educated fighter.
    You will absolutly do this.
    The timeline is up to you.

    God blesses us everyday. Like the day I met you. Total blessing.
    Have a wonderful day full of self realization and determination.

    1901 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/3/2013 2:02:40 PM
    Thank you so much for your comments, Editor and Milpam3. emoticon
    1901 days ago
    God never promised life here would be easy, but he promised to give us his strength.

    I am sooooo glad you were determined through your many obstacles to not throw in the towel and surrender to them.
    Continue being on that God intended for you to be.

    Enjoyed your blog, immensely.
    1902 days ago
    Learning is a daily joy. No one should undermine that. emoticon
    Congrats on graduating with distinction!
    1902 days ago
    Good morning! I love seeing the me replaced in our life by the God who gives us courage to keep on keeping on. There is no stopping the one on a roll with Him! God bless as He works these lifestyles out in our lives, Mellie. Although all our choices in youth and after may not have been perfect, He is the Prefect One guiding your every move!
    1902 days ago
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