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Friday, February 01, 2013

I am not sure this is what a Spark Blog is suppose to be BUT, I need to voice these thoughts and feelings...

So I am a BIG fan of Biggest Loser, lately as I have been watching the show I have been wondering WHY!! Why Did I let myself get this way again? Why Do I keep eating the wrong foods? WHY can't I find MY motivation? This is why I am going to try Spark Blog... Maybe if I can voice the questions I will be able to find the answers.. I know when I lost all my weight previously (SEVERAL times in my lifetime) I still felt UNCOMFORTABLE with myself... though admittedly it was more an attention uncomfortable... and I did not like how my face looked (after my surgery)... I KNOW it's CRAZY!!! I am going to look for some pictures I took back then (there were not many)
ANYWAY... everyone around me made such a BIG deal about it and I hated the attention I got... I felt like I just wanted to hide under all the big clothes I use to wear... WHY??? I am still trying to figure it out... I remember going to a wedding and i had not seen a lot of my family in YEARS... One of my favorite uncles did not even recognize me... it was crazy... but then I went inside and someone said I was their girlfriend (I was a VERY close family member) and made such a BIG DEAL about not being recognizable and it ruined everything - for me) Is that nuts?? was I wrong to feel uncomfortable? I just don't know anymore...

I want to be healthy for myself FIRST, yes I have a husband and children and hopefully someday grandchildren but this is about ME!! is that wrong?

I have always been a people pleaser, my parents, my kids, my friends and ALL my relationships (yes even my Husband but I feel different with him) ... I want this for ME!!! I want to go shopping and ENJOY the experience... I want to go to gym and wear those cute little outfits... LOL boy as i type some of this sounds silly BUT it is how I feel...

Because of my surgery I do not eat a lot of food... my downfall is SWEETS short and simple... I LOVE chocolate, cakes, cookies & donuts!!! I am not too big on fruits and veggies... though I have been experimenting...

I have decided today is the first day... I am going to try to avoid ALL Sweets... (this is difficult because there is a jar of candy right behind me -at work- lol I CAN DO THIS!!!) thankfully I am only working 1/2 a day today...

I am going to try to write about how I do... what I am feeling and my successes (failures) i am traveling this weekend and we will do Subway lunches and maybe breakfast too... subway is not the best but it is better then McD's and BK... i am going to TRY really hard to TRACK my Food and exercise... BTW I have been working out for the past month or so... I will even track it here (right now it's tracked @ fit linx with the local YMCA :) i was debating going back to WW but only because ALL my food is already entered there... I but thought once I enter here it will be here so I will try this because maybe talking about my issues will help...

Today is the first day!!! Previously I tried motivational quotes from Spark and other places...

MY quote of the day is... I am not sure who posted it previously... SORRY I can't give credit !! but this fits - since I feel I want to make this about ME!!!

Loving yourself is the KEY to losing weight!!

So I a making this my quote for today and maybe even the entire WEEKEND!!
thank you if you took the the time to read/comment on this... I am still very new to writing about my feelings and thoughts...

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  • CUPKAKE137
    Very good blog. I have some of the same issues and sometimes it just helps to write them down and get them out of you head that's what I pretty much use my blog for and there are so many of us out there going through the same kind of things that this is definitely the best place to post them. Most of us have been there already. I definitely have the problem with not being happy and not really knowing why and I am still working on it. Definitely keep blogging. I am a people pleaser too and a lot of the time I forget about myself and I feel its my time to do something for me for once as well. You can do it! You helped me today. Keep it up!
    1946 days ago
    I don't think it's selfish to do it for yourself. I think it shows that you care about you, which is a very good example to set for your children.

    You mentioned not being big on veggies. I started roasting some veg and love it! I spray a cookie sheet with Pam, place sliced veggies on it (usually some combination of red bell pepper or sweet pepper, mushrooms, Brussels sprouts, onions, carrots, zucchini, tomato, squash and my all-time favorite...French fry sliced parsnips). I spray all with Pam again, then stick in a 350 F oven for 40-45 minutes. The flavors concentrate and are so delicious.

    Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's very likely you'll be helping others while helping yourself.
    1946 days ago
  • TATUM615
    THANK YOU!!! for the support and encouragement... it is nice to know that I am not alone :)

    1963 days ago
    I am new to this blogging thing too. Somehow, it feels good to write your goals and motivation down. It's empowering to know that it's in black and white and that other people know about it and can help hold you accountable. Best of luck on this journey. I think you're on the right track. You have to love yourself BEFORE you can make a lasting change!
    1967 days ago
    Its not selfish to want it to be about you I'm the same way it's all about my family and becouse of that I let my health go down hill but now I'm takeing it back! And I make time for me. And that feels so great! Here is a quote I thought you might like: You must begin to think of yourself as becomeing the person you want to be. Remeber to keep pushing but most important remember...

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1967 days ago
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