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Nope. Nevermind. (One thing I never fail at is failing to care.)

Thursday, January 31, 2013

I was going to start the Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start today.
Not happening.
I hate exercising.
I know why I hate it.. It's a nice mix of not knowing what the heck I am doing and my body hurting so bad that I just worry I am doing more damage than good.
I sure do miss the days of having a personal trainer to help me know how to do things correctly and an acupuncturist to make this dumb knee of mine function a whole lot better.
Those days are long gone.
I don't know what to do.
I mean.. what the heck do you do if you're in too much pain to do simple stretching exercises??
I am sick and tired of not doing anything to improve my health, but this sucks. My knee hurts so bad right now and I did a few stretches. Wow. Big deal.
How can I lose weight when I can barely move? Am I hurting my leg more by forcing it to do things or will it help in the end?
Who the heck am I supposed to get answers from? No one.
I guess I'll just gain another twenty pounds this year.
Or heck.. Maybe more! I have to have achievable goals, after all. I bet I could gain fifty pounds! With Hashimoto's on my side, I can conquer the world! I can get huuuuge and continue down the path of Sciatica! Yay! I can be using a cane in no time! I always thought of myself as being a bit like Dr. House anyway. Why not? I look good in blazers and tennis shoes. I could rock a cane.

Joking aside for a moment.. This was a really discouraging attempt to do something sooooo simple. I can't imagine actually going to a gym or something. Ha! Forget it.

I know negativity won't get me anywhere positive, but... uhhh.. I really don't see any positive way of looking at this. You know, aside from being cool like some character on tv in the future.. who.. in reality.. isn't real.. and is played by a guy that is much older than me and does NOT use a cane.

I could pretend it will get better. My leg will get better. My neck will get better. Everything will get better. But, of course, not on its own.

Of course.


I give up really easily. REALLY easily. I also get really mad.. really easily. First I get mad... then I give up... Then I get more mad.. then I get sad.. then I get more mad... then I just go escape into some tv show or something. It's "worked" for years now.
Worked against me.

And the worst part? I am really good at telling myself it's not worth caring about. That I am not worth caring about, I guess. That it doesn't really matter. That I don't really matter. And, it never fails that I always fail at caring. I guess I don't actually try.
"Do or do not, there is no try." I agree, Yoda. I totally agree.

I wonder if Yoda is available for some personal training sessions.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you everyone for your support and advice. It's a lot to take in and consider. But that's great! It's nice to have options and to know someone understands and cares. Thank you. Really, I can't say it enough. I have read these comments over the last few days and I have already felt more positive. I know I will have negative thoughts, of course, but I can get through it. I have taken a walk every day since this blog post. I even took one the night I posted it and it's all thanks to your comments! I called my best friend who lives far away and I just talked to her while I walked. I need other people in this and it's really nice to know that I have them/YOU! :) We're gonnnaaa maaaake iiit aaafterrr aaaall!
    1962 days ago
    Sweetie, I hope you DO have something positive to cling to!

    Have you explored chair exercises on this site? It might be worth a try anyway.

    Here's the thing . . . you're guaranteed not to fail if you don't try something, but you won't succeed . . . 100% guaranteed.

    I can literally hear the frustration leaping thru the screen and I wish I could give you a hug. You deserve to be kind to yourself. Sometimes it seems so much easier to be kind to others and just plain nasty to ourselves!

    1963 days ago
    You might try fasting for a change! No food at all can be nice, no thinking what can I eat or what has fewer calories. I do mine one day at a time with an eating day the next.
    1964 days ago
    Oh, I forgot to say when I really hurt my favorite workouts are they help to un-kink the fascia which causes lots of pain issues. Also James Knight has a Somatic yoga dvd. Both are extremely effective with pain issues.
    1965 days ago
    "I just want someone to tell me exactly what to eat."

    I have a wonderful MD, PhD who can do a free phone consult. I started with her in November. I was so sick I didn't think I had much time left, in severe pain, weak lungs, could barely walk. . . My blog has my progress since then. She totally turned my life around. If you want more info. call me. I can pass your name on to her assistant who can give you more info. and set up a free consult. She is like a Dr. House, doing labs on me that showed I had issues going on that I didn't knew existed. She uses mostly natural supplements and diet to resolve issues. She has helped the incurable people and complicated patients like me that other Dr.s have turned away. emoticon
    1965 days ago
    I know I need to eat my own words here but, don't be so hard on yourself. Really. You're already lapping everyone on the couch!! You did good today--you tried, and yes you might hurt--but that's more than you did the day before. sometimes our bodies need to take it slow and taking it slow is NOT a shameful thing.

    Don't let yourself be discouraged! Tomorrow is another day and you can keep at it! do as much as you can and that's enough for now. You'll slowly get stronger if you keep with it, :) good habits take 2-3 weeks to form--just stick with it that long and it'll seem like second nature!

    Also--Just because you don't have needles doesn't mean all is lost! Try acupressure! Same jist just using a pencil head or your fingers--plenty of sites online will show you points for knee pain--find them on yourself and press away for 5-10 minutes.

    You might also wanna look into Moxabustion--that's easy enough to do at home too and heat is good! :)
    1965 days ago
    Stop being so hard on yourself.

    It may be hard but try to walk for just a few minutes everyday. Start with 5 minutes today: add a minute the next day, keep adding a minute until you can do it for 20 minutes without stopping. Do twenty minutes for a few days then add 5.
    You can also use resistance bands and do arm exercises while you are sitting in a stiff chair (like a dining room chair).
    It may take time; but you will get there.

    Good Luck.
    1965 days ago
    I don't want to be so negative in my blog posts, but....

    While I'm at it..

    I really get discouraged by my inability to follow any recommended diet in any book/program. Like the Biggest Loser on for example...
    And the diet I was considering following on would have been death by eggs.
    I just want someone to tell me exactly what to eat.
    And they can cook it for me too.
    Is that so much to ask?! ;-p

    Okay.. Tomorrow I will post nothing but positive things. I need to balance out this icky negativity.
    1965 days ago
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