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Loving this Little Girl

Thursday, January 31, 2013

I'm not going to post a picture of her though. She doesn't belong to me. I don't even remember her name. But I love her and sometimes I want to just give her a big hug, even though I never would, because her mother might think I'm crazy.

A few weeks ago, the granddaughter's dance class got a new member. She is a beautiful little girl, probably 3 years old, and so very sweet. But the first thing you notice about this delightful little girl is her extreme obesity. Her mother is an Asian woman, very slim and equally beautiful. I have heard her tell others about her daughter, that there was some problems at birth, her eyesight has been affected, (I notice her eyes have a hard time focusing, similar to my grandson who has albinism, altho she is NOT an albino), and perhaps that has something to do with her weight gain. I heard her mother say that she hoped the dance class would help her daughter be more active. This little girl is obviously very smart and does everything the teachers ask them to do, unlike many of the little girls in class. I know it must be hard to find clothes for dance class that will fit her little round body. I wonder if they will be able to find a recital dress for her? They took measurements two weeks ago and last week the little girl was not in class. I hope not being able to fit her into a recital dress doesn't mean she dropped out. We'll see if she is there tonight I guess.

I love this little girl from afar, and yet I feel so sad for her and all she will have to face as she goes through school. I'm wondering what I should say (if anything) to my own granddaughters to make sure they don't say anything to her about her obesity. At 3, they don't understand much about being polite, and can be brutally honest. My granddaughter pointed out last week when I did NOT get a cookie at McDonald's, that I "didn't want to get fat." I think I tell her that way too much when she offers me some of her numerous snacks.

I want to say to her mother, "I know what she's going through..." although I really don't. I didn't start gaining weight until I was 8 or 9, and was never horribly obese until after I got married. I was just the slightly overweight high school girl who never had a boyfriend or got asked to the dances, because all the other girls were so very much skinnier than me. I want to tell her mom, "I was obese..." but what good would that do? This little girl probably has other problems that contribute to her obesity. I can imagine, like Ada on Biggest Loser, her Asian community will be very hard on her as she grows up, and probably are being very hard on her mom right now, blaming her for the little girl's weight problem. But I may be way off base....I have no way of knowing if there are extenuating circumstances contributing to her weight.

I only know I feel so much empathy for her. I feel for all the pain she will endure from the taunts and bullying of other children. I WANT her to be able to go through childhood, carefree, as is any child's inherent right. But I don't see that in her future. And that makes me sad.

Updated 2/3/13: The little girl didn't show up Thursday night for the second week in a row. I hope she comes back soon. I miss her.
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  • TERRYT55
    I want to cry for this little girl.......I was the fat kid. I remember the taunts and name calling. I remember feeling like I never belonged or fit in.

    I hope she comes back to class so we can keep up with her. I love you even more for caring so much

    1988 days ago
    Maybe you could become friends with the mother & find out what is causing the daughter's obesity, then later on, perhaps you could get that hug in & tell your story to both mom & daughter.
    1991 days ago
    Hope she does come back
    1992 days ago
    What a sweet story. I wish there was a way to help, but sometimes there is nothing we can do. I hope she stays in the dance class. She's young yet, and she could get slimmer as she grows.
    1992 days ago
    I was overweight from a very early age. The doctor put me on skim milk when I turned one year old and 32 pounds. That said, I still don't know what you can say. Your concern is beautiful and your sensivity is right on.

    Could you can invite her over to play with your granddaughter? Healthy snacks and activity could be fun for all. Maybe you could find out whether she has friends or is she isolated already? A friend might make a big difference in her life and an adult on her side (you) could, too. And if you get to know her, you just might get/give that hug!!
    1992 days ago
    1992 days ago
  • KERRYG155
    It is sometimes hard to watch the kids with weight problems when we've been through it but her mom is watching her and doing what she can with the dance classes and who knows what else. I wonder if her birth problems are part of the cause of her weight problems in which case there may not be a cure.
    1992 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    I know how you feel. It's so hard not to say something, but anything you would say wouldn't be helpful. The best thing is kindness and acceptance when given the chance. We each have our own path we must take, sometimes fraught with heartache and sorrow.
    1992 days ago
    How sweet of you to think of her that way and to have such empathy. People are so judgmental and she has probably had many negative comments directed toward her for "letting" her child be that way. You just never know what the real issues are. If more people could think like you do, she wouldn't have to endure all the cruelty that is to come.
    1992 days ago
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