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Why does it have to be so hard?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. Just like a million different thoughts are buzzing around my head & I can't seem to focus. My stress is on high & I really just want to scream & shake it all off.

I have a huge focus problem. I feel like I have just been slipping down a mountain my whole life, grasping for something solid but not finding it.

I keep trying to get healthy, lose weight, exercise, get my life together and it feels like I just keep letting it slip through my fingers. I give up. idk why, I want it so badly. It is hard, ofcourse but it isn't too hard. I just feel so overwhelmed. I try to do it right, no perfectly, even though I know it can't be perfect. I just am afraid of failing. But how much sense does that make? To fail before you can fail...then you still fail. idk....

I worry about my diet. I try to eat healthy. But I worry about eating the right amount of calories, the right amount of carbs. I worry about not eating enough and then eating too much. Worry about eating the same thing everyday. Afraid I am not eating enough veggies, enough protein, too many carbs still, just not having balance. There is just so much thoughts and different ways to go about it and I just go into panic mode.

I worry about exercise. I want to be active. I want to run. But I worry that I am not doing things properly & will injure myself. Plus it hurts alot. My muscles fight with me every single step of the way & idk if this is ok, normal, bad & what to do about it??? I walk and I just want to collapse into a ball of pain. I don't understand. And it is not just after one walk, I am talking about doing it for weeks and weeks and still it is hard.

I watch shows like the biggest loser & read forums & it seems like it is so so so much easier for everyone else. On the biggest loser they were like 3 weeks in and ran a marathon, people who weigh more then me...I can't even run at all. I know it is a tv show & they have been working out a ton but it is the same on forums too where someone will come & like I started my diet today and ran... wth! I just feel like it seems so much easier for everyone else. Again I feel discouraged & I panic with if I am doing things right.

Then I am stressed because my marriage is just difficult. We have no money & it is stressful & difficult. My husband is stressed & taking it out on me alot. I feel like I have no freedom, like he suffocates me. It is just all too much.

I just wish it was easier. I will just keep pushing forward but I am scared. I feel so alone & lost. I know tomorrow will come and my focus will blur & I will have to fight to stay on track & fight to not panic & fight to just keep breathing. It doesn't feel fair.

I just want to find my footing. I am willing to climb my mountain and put in the work. I just don't want to have a path I guess. Not to feel like I am stumbling lost in the dark going in circles.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Maybe don't focus so much on possible failure. I have been at this a little while and I have failed as many times as I have succeeded. It is the success that keeps me going to the finish line.
    1903 days ago
    Maybe something like Spark coach could give you some direction coupled with positive affirmation. Sometimes it isn't enough to be on the right path. We need positive influences in our lives to assure us along the way.
    1904 days ago
    Throw the word perfect out of your vocabulary. That's pie in the sky; not reachable. And forget the path up the mountain. Instead find a paved road to follow to avoid stumbling in the dark. Add one or two goals to your road every week or two. One step at at a time.

    Positive statements become truth if you just keep repeating them. You can do this, and we are here to lend support. emoticon
    1904 days ago
    I understand how you feel, as I struggle with the same feelings at times. I personally believe that so much of what we do is 90% mental. Your mindset has to be positive in order to succeed. That applies to almost anything in life, I believe.

    I'm with you 100% of the way. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me.

    1904 days ago
    I can understand your feelings about being afraid to fail. I have had that fear, among others, my whole life. I am just beginning to find the strength to push past those thoughts that have kept me stuck for so long. I hope you find your path.

    And try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Just keep learning. Keep moving. Keep doing your best. You'll be up that mountain before you know it!
    1905 days ago
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