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Day 426- I'm Not Superwoman. I have down days too.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I gained a pound this week. That was unfortunate, but almost expected as I didn't track everything the way I needed to.

And today I finally heard back from the search committee that I wasn't selected for a job I applied for, for next school year. So that was disappointing, but I think everything happens for a reason and I just applied for a job that I'm really passionate about a few days ago, so I'm crossing my fingers that I didn't get the first job so that I could have a chance at this new position.

Finally, I've been having a bit of a lower self esteem week. I'm planning the spring break trip for myself, JD and some of our friends. Of course, my friends I'm going with are smaller than me and look great in bathing suits. I'm excited to be in the 180s but unfortunately, my weight loss has left me with some extra skin that is just not attractive in any type of bathing suit.

I know it was silly to think "I'll lose 90 pounds and look AWESOME in a bikini." I'm still overweight and I still have a lot of problem areas. My friends are amazing and would do anything to make me feel comfortable, but I've always been the big friend and even 90+ pounds down, I'm still the largest friend.

I keep looking for bathing suits and feel like I should purchase a maternity suit for women who've just had babies to hold all my stuff in. It's just a bit depressing.

I'm not trying to throw a pity party. I just don't want my blogs to portray me as this Amazing girl who's never faced challenges or had down days.

I'm a real person, and I've been blessed with the amazing weight loss I've had so far. I need to keep pushing on and get through these down days.

I know I can do it because I have the support of all my SparkFriends like you. :)

Thanks for reading :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    965 days ago
    I'm going to Mexico in a few weeks and was very concerned about finding a swimsuit that I feel comfortable in. I found several one-piece suits at Macy's that weren't outrageously expensive (with a coupon) that I feel great in. Although I can still pick out my "problem areas," overall I feel great in these suits and am not as concerned about being looked at strangely for my swimsuit choices. We are a similar height/weight, so I certainly understand where you're coming from!
    1938 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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    1938 days ago
  • JRM54100
    1938 days ago
    The skin thing is a tough one but it will change in time. Try to up the strength training to help it. But I know what you mean. I am over 100 pounds down and not comfortable with my shirt off. So I get it. Just keep pushing and know that you are fabulous right now!!!

    emoticon emoticon
    1938 days ago
    You can do it. I have faith in you. I suggest a tankini for a bathing covers a lot of areas that I like to hide.
    1938 days ago
    Cocoa butter and time really works on loose skin and even more if you are currently strength training.

    Maybe sport a tankini, a little something in between.

    You're awesome, don't forget that. You're friends didn't have to lose a crap ton of weight.
    1938 days ago
    Hang in there, lady. You are doing awesome. I know it's frustrating that you've worked so hard and still feel like the "big girl." Keep looking for that swimsuit that you will feel awesome in. I found a really cute tankini that had ruffles and came with a pair of stylish boyshorts. This is honestly the first swimsuit I've felt good in in a long time. Just because you're not a size zero doesn't mean you can't find an awesome swimsuit. Keep up the good work!
    1938 days ago
    Your friends loved you when you were heavy and they love you now. And I am sure they are very proud of you and no doubt could learn a lot from you about discipline and perseverance. Pick out a suit that you feel the most comfortable in-maybe a 2 pc that has 'shorts' or maybe wear some control top panties under it if it makes you feel better. (I wouldn't bother, but do what works for you.) Get a really cute cover-up for when you are not in the water. And, realize that your friends are not really 'examining you'. You are much more aware of your looks than they are! If you don't let it become an issue to you, it won't be an issue to any of them!Most important-Enjoy yourself! Have a blast with your bf and friends! Celebrate the new, thinner, healthier you! So proud of you!
    1938 days ago
    If life were always sunshine and roses, then we wouldn't be human. We know the good days because we have the bad ones. You can keep on Sparkin' and life will be more good than bad.

    Hopefully you'll get the job you wanted!
    1938 days ago
    I'm 5'4 and 160 is when I really started to notice shape to my body...your 4 inches taller than me so your less than 5 pounds away from seeing changes in your body that will really make you feel good when you look in the mirror.....but, there will always be spots that you hate no matter how much weight you lose....(I have gotton past my stress marks) but,I will never be comfortable with my inner thighs and my under arms...the only thing you can do to make your under arms look better is fill them with muscle and once you get the muscle in there you have to work on it daily to keep them there.

    emoticon Your about to see some really emoticon changes in your body!
    1939 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/30/2013 9:37:42 AM
    hope you get the job cheers
    1939 days ago
    I'm sure you will have the best of time! Finding a bath suit may be tricky, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it very very much!
    1939 days ago
    I feel your pain I was ALWAYS and still am the fat friend! Swimsuits are evil inventions! You can do this because you ARE awesome! Chin up today is a new day and you have your Boyfriend who loves you and your spark friends cheering you on. You'll have a great trip regardless of what number the scale shows!
    1939 days ago
    Well I love that you showed the ups and downs of your epic spark journey. Now I feel like I don't have to hide all the rough blogs. Thank you and I know you'll find the perfect bath suit and you'll probably get this new job!
    1939 days ago
    You are an inspiring woman!

    Good luck with the dream job!
    1939 days ago
    I know exactly how you feel! I lived most of my life being the largest of my friends, and I hated pool parties! It is really difficult when you are at this stage...having achieved SO much and feeling great...but then not seeing what you dream to see when you look in the mirror. But remember HOW FAR YOU HAVE GOTTEN! I think you will be much closer to where you want to be when the time comes to slip on the suit. However, remember that even if you are still "bigger" than your friends, there is far LESS difference now between you and them than there was before! Your man LOVES YOU, no matter how you look in a bathing suit, and your friends are proud of you for having gotten this far. DON'T FORGET THAT!

    1939 days ago
    emoticon you're doing awesome!!! Don't ever think otherwise.
    1939 days ago
    It's ok to have bad days, just don't make them last too long.
    1939 days ago
  • RODRIGUEZ41508
    I've been having down days this week to, like many of us, we can relate. I don't know why I have been feeling exhausted since yesterday and this sucks. Also have not been eating as I should since and that really sucks too. I have just decided I am not gonna give it up like I have in the past or like I usually would. Going to keep pushing forward and not looking back. : )
    I really hope you get that new job and stay positive girly ! emoticon
    1939 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/29/2013 9:39:29 PM
    You're an inspiration because you air out the bad with the good and that's part of what makes you amazing :)
    1939 days ago
    Don't beat yourself up, we all hit speed bumps in the road. I had to have urgent gall bladder sugery last tuesday and cant do anything until i see the dr on next tuesday. Just remember that the NSV (non scale victories) are just as rewarding as the pounds. you look marvelous!
    1939 days ago
  • NICOLEK0812
    Don't give up! You can do it!! Everyone has down days.

    You got this!! :)
    1939 days ago
    You're doing great...and you're right, we all have rough patches, no one said it'd be easy...just keep pushing!! emoticon
    1939 days ago
    You're doing good. Just keep at it, and you'll reach your goal.
    1939 days ago
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