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Day 224: Sometimes you're your own biggest obstacle

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I'm not going to lie, the last six days for me have been terrible; however, there was absolutely no reason for them to be that way. In fact; I MADE them that way.

In my last blog I mentioned that I had a magic three pounds show up for no reason. I think, maybe, they're still here.

I am absolutely, positively, PETRIFIED to step on the scale. In the past I've always been able to own my weight. I've been able to fess up to what I've accomplished and to understand that any lack of progress is directly proportional to the work I did not put in. I saw a meme the other day and it sums my opinion up nicely: Don't be upset with the results you didn't get with the work you didn't do.

But this week? This week has been an anomoly. Well, more than anomoly.

I had been going into the week STRONG. I ran five miles in beautiful weather and felt great about it. I spent two consecutive days at the gym and KILLED the elliptical. On top of that, my calorie intake never surged beyond 1300. Sure, the scale ahd stalled; but, it wasn't so bad. Happily, I sat at 186.4.

And then it happened.

My scale, against logic and science went up three pounds. My 186 turned into 189.

How? What?

This, friends, is the moment where a certain cliche comes to mind: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

I, in short, have not reacted well.

I haven't worn my BodyMedia armband since Friday. I haven't tracked since then, either. I decided, actively, that I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I decided I would eat a cup of icecream for breakfast. I decided I would allow the old ritual of mindless eating and video games to enter my life again. I decided I would do absolutely nothing. NOTHING.

Here I sit on Tuesday looking at what I've done and wondering why I let myself do it.

I did it because it was easy. It was easier than kicking my ass out the door and going for a run on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. It was easier to take my anger and frustration out on myself than to use it as a motivator. There is something very simple about setting yourself up to fail - because it is active and it's something you choose.

So, here I am now. I have to look at my behavior and the feelings that caused it and I have to do something about it. Why? Because that is not the person that I want to be. So, I'm going for my run today. I'm going to go hang out with the real runners this evening and soak up all their athelticism, positivity and grace. I'm going to read all kinds of blogs here on Spark and put my head back on straight.

I'm going to remind myself of one simple, evident truth:

This journey is not just about the scale.

It can never be just about the scale.

I'm going to focus, knuckle down and use all of the determination I have to make amends for my little stumble.

Back to work. I have a half-marathon to run in three months.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MJ7DM33
    You can do it!
    1937 days ago
    I hereby publicly shame you! Shame! Shame! :P

    Not really.

    You haven't had a really huge failcrash yet, right? I hate to say it, but they happen, and they happen more than once. I just finished mine! I spend like 2 whole days last month doing nothing but playing wow and eating two large bags of cheese puffs. (and candy) You were proably overdue :X I hope you enjoyed that ice cream! I figure.. if you're going to fail, you should enjoy it a little bit before your own guilt starts setting in :P

    I'm glad to hear you are going out for your run today, though. If you haven't been calorie cycling, these binge days could have actually helped you out. But now, you recognize it. You got it out of your system. Own that ice cream, yo! Point to your thighs and say "I HAD FUN KIND OF! THIS IS MINE!" Then go run it off :P

    I am not worried about you at all. I have a lot of confidence in you, and I know you'll be bqack on top of things before too long!
    1937 days ago
    A few bad days in the scheme of all your success is nothing kid! You can do it! You have got this girl! emoticon
    1937 days ago
    1937 days ago
    Great job getting back on course and regaining your focus!

    emoticon emoticon
    1937 days ago
    at least it was a short misstep and didn't last, you also have the power and choice to move past those 6 bad days and get back to it - which it sounds like you are doing - so get to it!

    I'm terrified to step on the scale tomorrow at the Y - a feeling I don't know that I've ever had before, it's the first time I'll see if I've gotten any change over one week's time and I'm afraid of what I might find. But I read a good book once, about making art, that said that if there was no fear involved then you weren't pushing the boundaries - fear means you are doing something worth while, something you care deeply about, and it's ok to be afraid - you just have to go ahead and keep doing it in spite of the fear.
    1937 days ago
  • BMELT2013
    Go for it!
    1937 days ago
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