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I don't know what to do.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Well, I keep running into a wall with my husband. Yesterday he informed me that I am no longer going to diet and he will no longer allow me to buy anything he believes is "for my diet thing". That he makes the money and will say how it is spent. He used the excuse that we couldn't afford all that junk. Yet, he has no problem if we spend even more on eating out, buying cookies, candy and other junk foods, just no "diet junk". The thing is, I haven't really bought any diet foods. Just fruits and veggies and lowfat dressings. I cook the things he likes ever since he blew up last weekend about my cooking only "diet crap". I am at the point that I just don't know what to do. I don't want to stay fat! I like being able to do things I used to do, like, walking and hiking and playing with my grandchildren without getting winded. I suffer from depression and have noticed that when I am working my plan, that I don't seem to have so much of that going on. I have energy and feel better all around. It's like he just wants me to stay fat and depressed and miserable. He is really starting to wear me down. Don't know how much more I can take. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you all for all the support and words of wisdom. I am not giving up and will find a way to make it work. My husband is very over weight and I think he's scared I will leave him if I look good. His previous wife had lap band surgery (which he paid for) and lost over 100 lbs. and then left him for a younger, much more fit man. This is where I think this comes from. That doesn't make it right or easier for me, but it is what it is. I am taking all you wonderful advice and putting it to use. Thanks again for listening and supporting me.
    1908 days ago
    Maybe you can both go the doctors office where he/she explains that this is a positive for your depression and health. Make what you've made before, but really adjust your portions. Buy fruits and veggies, every diet needs them, does he not like them? Let him have his cookies, you just stay away. Don't discuss your diet too much at home. AND it's a lifestyle not a diet. You have us to talk to. I'm sorry but just because someone makes the money, doesn't mean they get to cotrol you, you may want to discuss this with your doctor when discussing your depression. I wish you only the best, you can do this. emoticon
    1908 days ago
    My late husband didn't go to that extreme, as long as he got what he wanted, it was ok. But--he also didn't like me to lose weight, so he would sabotage me.

    It took me a long time to realize that he was abusive--in fact, not until after he died and I started to come out of the fog. Your husband is abusive--fix it now, don't wait because it won't get any better.
    1908 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    I struggle with the same problem and my husband is significantly overweight with multiple health problems. He has spent the past three years being on a program to get weight loss surgery but has never lost enough weight. One of the biggest issues he has is appropriate portion size. I will make something for 8 servings and he and my sons will have it done at one meal. My sons are actively supporting me now which is great. But with my husband the better I do the more negative he is.
    Because after 22 years I know this is not going to change- I am just committed for me and keep telling myself I am not going to let his negativity keep me down.
    I am unemployed so I too have limited $ to buy healthy food. I am just trying to eat the best I can with what resources I have- I like frozen vegetables and frozen fruit which are not too expensive.

    So I understand where you are coming from but don't let that stop you from making whatever small adjustments you can make for yourself to get healthier. This what I have had to do to make myself healthier for now and the future. emoticon
    1908 days ago
    I'm so sorry hon. It's hard when the person you're living/loving with isn't on the same page as you when it comes to your health.
    I'd love to suggest you tell him that if he doesn't like all the healthy "diet crap" he's more than welcome to cook his own d*mned meals, but I know that's not the right answer - it may feel good but it's not practical.
    You could certainly try cooking 'normally' and watch your portion sizes. You're not on a diet, per se, but you're embracing a healthy lifestyle. That means you can eat anything in the world you want, you just have to eat it in moderation or in healthy portions.

    Sometimes, you just have to get stubborn, grit your teeth and dig in your heels - and then you need to know when to bend a little as well. There's no easy answer. Just know I'm pulling for you!
    1908 days ago
    I hope you guys can work this out. I can't imagine a husband being overtly against my weightloss program. I hope you will continue to spark in spite of his behavior. Keep on making veggies and fruit a feature at your table. He'll have to eat what you prepare or seek food elsewhere. You can continue to drink water--it comes right from the tap after all. Keep on getting your fitness minutes with the "diet junk" you already possess. Keep on coming to Spark because you will get support here if not at home. You are not the only one whose spouse is not on board. It's their problem. Maybe he is worried you will leave him if you get slim. Maybe he wants a partner in poor lifestyle crime. If he wants to eat cookies and such, you can provide them for him, but you'll have to be stronger to resist them yourself. I provide my husband with sandwich bread, mayo, and chips even when I don't eat these items myself. My son eats pop tarts even though I don't. There are so many recipes available to make healthy food very tasty. I don't know how he could resist some of the stuff I have made for my family that is also low in fat and calories and carbs. Like I said, I hope you two can work this sticky wicket out!

    1908 days ago
    I hope the 2 of you can resolve this issue. Does your husband have a weight problem as well? Try to explain to him how much better you feel when you're eating healthy and exercising, so by doing this he will have a healthier, happier wife who will be able to do more things with him.
    1908 days ago
    It sounds like you two need to have a serious convrosation. Have you sat down with him without any distractions to explain why this is so important to you? Keep a list handy while you chat and mention the key points; why is it alright to spend money on junk but not veggies? If he doesn't like your food he could make his own or perhaps compromise by making a not-as-healthy main with lots of healthy sides (chicken condon bleu and lots of veg?) Tell him how much better it makes you feel and how important his support is. I really hope things get better for you. I hope he can learn to relinquish control over you in this regard.

    Best of luck!
    1908 days ago
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