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Bowties are cool.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Okay.. I'm back again. I kind of gave up on last week, between the bad stuff that happened and PMS I pretty much was eating my weight in food every day, and guzzling soda like it was crack (seriously, is there crack in Dr. Pepper?) and I pretty much did the whole "Screw it I'll start new next week" thing. So yea. Now I'm sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and eating my Fiber One 80 calorie cereal... the chocolate kind of course. It's actually pretty tasty I must say. So were the Girl Scout cookies that I ate last night...Either way, eating so bad all week has made me very sluggish and tired.

I managed to hurt my back somehow on Friday, so I'm not actually sure if I will be able to work out or not today. I'll probably try, or I'll just focus on getting my eating back under control and then worry about adding in the exercise in the middle of the week. I don't know. All I know is I feel icky and bloaty and icky. My hands are swollen from sooooo much salt over the week. And my back hurts. So health wise, I feel like this week is starting out kinda eh, but that's my own fault. I just need to focus, get back on track, and I'll be fine.

I just wish that I would stop comparing myself to my 184 pound self. I feel so whale like now, and I felt so tiny when I was 184 (even though I wasn't) and I keep beating myself up over it, over gaining all this weight again when I had worked so hard to take it off in the first place. When I'm working out, I look down and see all the jiggles and yucky, and instead of feeling proud because I AM working out to get rid of it, I'm just disgusted with myself. And I need to figure out how to stop doing that. But I can't figure out how. I'm stuck, or at least I feel like it. Stuck in negativity. I don't like being stuck.

So I guess this week I have to focus on getting back into a good attitude/space. Usually I start feeling better after the first 1-2 days of eating right again, so hopefully by midweek I'll feel like myself again.

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and will have a good week.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Glad to see ya. Sorry about the back thing.
    If you're looking for some clean eating pressure :) come join us over at the Team Zombie 28 Days Later challenge!

    1972 days ago
  • ADZY86
    Keep working at it girl! And don't compare yourself to your 184 self. What you should take from that was that was a 'trial run': now you KNOW that you can get to 184, and you know how it feels to let it slip away, I bet you it won't happen again. Sometimes we need that. I went from 210 down to 181, and then back up to 198 last year! emoticon Now I know how awful I feel about gaining the weight back, I very much doubt I am going to allow it to happen again. It's totally not worth it. But this is all a learning experience.

    You're ready for this. Keep working out, don't look at the jiggle, turn some music on and lose yourself in the moment. Picture yourself as a fit, slim girl pounding that treadmill, and that is what you will become. emoticon
    1973 days ago
    Stetsons are cool! lol.

    I hope you feel better soon.
    1974 days ago
    Don't look down at the 'jiggle' when you work out! Just don't do it! And if you do and you catch yourself, turn a negative into a positive. Something like, 'ok, my midsection might be a little jiggley, but my legs look very muscular!' Practice replacing a negative statement with a positive and it will eventually get easier to look at the good more than the bad. You are a beautiful person no matter what you think of yourself.
    1974 days ago
    Fez's are cool too!
    1974 days ago
    Ugh - the Evil Scale Troll must have stock in the salt business. I am hoping that is why I had him visit me this morning. And I have actually been tracking & on plan with food & working out. If I was "off the wagon" at least I could say, yeah I agree with your number Evil Scale Troll. But I was good - just more salty foods than I usually have.

    Hope your back is feeling better soon. I have been dealing with a bum shoulder as of late. Getting an MRI the end of February - and more likely than not ... surgery. Blah :P

    Here's to a better week for you!!!

    1974 days ago
    Keep going - ypu are fab and wonderful. You are a new you.
    1974 days ago
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