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I feel fat. However ...

Monday, January 28, 2013

I'll spare you the rant I had cooked up for this morning. The scale is up. I'm pissed. I'm back on track and the scale isn't budging and it is just plain unfair. I hate you, scale.

OK, well, at least it was a mini-rant and not a full force pounding of negativity.

Anyway, I'm feeling fat. I'm finding myself nitpicking everything on my body. That lump, that bump, that roll, that curve. It's obnoxious and unhelpful and I want to stop, but the thoughts just keep coming.

I worked so hard to get into the size 12 pants from The Limited. Last night as I packed the gym bag I grabbed the old 14s instead, thinking the 12s would be too much for my fat self. I'm better off in the 14s, since they won't be tight.

Well, I'm wearing the 14s, and guess what? They're still too big. They're twisting and turning and drooping.

It's five pounds. It's not the end of the world. I ran a treadmill 5K in 38:45 this morning, so I know I'm moving better and faster. I've been to the gym 13 times in January, which is more than twice my November and December totals. My body is stubborn. I know this. It's not going to come off overnight. But it is going to come off if I keep working hard and don't give in to the negativity.

(But I still enjoyed my giant middle finger to the scale yesterday morning. F that thing.)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1968 days ago
    Even though the scale shows a higher number, it could be due to fluid retention (How's your sodium intake? Processed foods?) It could be that you are not eating enough food for your body to fuel itself and when you do go to the higher end of your calorie range, your body responds. And it could even be the muscle you are developing as you continue to work out. Or it could just be a fluke as weight fluctuates from day to day and within a day as well.
    What about weighing yourself once a week. Is there a big change from last week when you weighed in?
    Focus on the Non Scale Victories, i.e. your larger pants falling off and as long as you stick with your plan, you should continue to journey toward your goals! emoticon
    1972 days ago
    I had to give up the scale. It's just to dang annoying. When I started Spark (two years or so ago) I thought if I counted calories, measured my food, worked out and tracked calories burned, then the result would be pounds lost. Of course bodies aren't calculators, and that's not how it worked.

    Focus on the "moving better and faster" part. Try to replace the negative thoughts with thoughts about how freaking amazing bodies are in general. When you get right down to thinking about how food turns into fuel so that you can move and run, it's a little easier to avoid the negativity.

    A few months ago, my brother broke his right wrist (he's right handed). Well into his 30s, this was the first time he had really been limited due to an injury. He called me one day and said, "You know, I never realized what a useful guy I was with two arms." I try to think about that when I start getting mad because my fitness program is not working. At least I'm still useful ;)

    Good luck, and keep moving. You've got this.
    1972 days ago
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