Mired in Questions
Sunday, January 27, 2013
I would post a lie today if I tracked my weight. Why? Well, I've already been on the scale. And, I knew what it was going to show. I knew it. I knew when I fixed and ate the Hamburger Helper Lasagna. But, I didn't want the hamburger to go to waste! Instead it went to MY WAIST! So, I decided that instead of showing a gain, I would simply not track my weight...at all...on here...today...or tomorrow...not until next Sunday. And then, if I still haven't lost, well, I don't know what I will do. Oh I know, many have gained and still tracked. But, I'm one of those people who will beat myself up over those pounds that once were lost but now are found. Wait, isn't that a song?
I'm very upset with myself. I've been trying very hard to exercise but I've found that what I enjoy, dancing for exercise, has increased the pain in my back where the fusion is and I can't walk straight up. My other blog post about dancing still holds true, I love it. Unfortunately, it doesn't love me. Or maybe I just did too much. Will I ever get in my groove?
My background quote says, "You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens." by Louise L. Hay. I don't know how to approve of myself. I only know how to criticize myself. I'm aware of things that I can do well but even those suffer my own criticism. Will I ever receive my own approval?
I know many of you who read my blogs wonder why one post is up and one post is down. I'm not bipolar. But, I do suffer from depression. Sometimes I wonder if I have a touch of bipolar but I don't have those wild sweeping moods. And I think that's one of the many reasons why I have failed in so many different things including weight loss/becoming healthy. Will I ever succeed?
What more can I do?
How does this train engine stay on track? I want to be a dazzling Sparkler
, not one that simply fizzles out.
Will you please help me?