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What does it take?

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Okay.... how many times can I fall and get back up? How often can I say, "That's it... starting tomorrow or next week I'll get back at it?" Why do I keep falling down and giving up? It's really not ALL that hard and I know the health benefits, see results, feel good, enjoy the team support and have a real sense of myself when I'm at "it". So why the giving up and self-sabotage? This January I weighed in at the very heaviest I've ever been. That's not okay with me. I want to be a good role model for my kids. I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel energetic. I want to be healthy. I want to feel okay in whatever I'm wearing. I want to accept myself fully and completely. I want to change. So why am I not willing to work for it? Am I lazy? I've pondered this, and I'm really not. I work hard at so many things without giving up no matter what. But I think that's part of the issue. My life is so very full that there is very little me time and very little down time. Am I self-sabotaging? If so why? What am I afraid of? I don't really think I am on purpose, but could I be and not know it? I don't get it. It's not like I can't stick to things or I'm a quitter. But I am kind of all or nothing. If I didn't need to eat ANYTHING to live, like quitting smoking, I think I could totally do that... But I suck at moderation. I go to the end of the spectrum on anything I like - crafts, hobbies, books, movies, food, everything. Now if only I could learn to love the gym. :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks, Rita. It's hard to keep that in mind some days. You're right, and it's as easy as that.... and as hard as that. :) I will not give up, no matter how many stumbles.
    1904 days ago
    I know it sounds so silly, but I truly think that it all comes from love. Love for ourselves and love for others. I definitely fooled myself into thinking I loved myself but remember when I got to goal weight? That was a huge wake up call. It turned out that I'd made the whole weight loss process about trying to fix something that was "wrong", when it should have been about loving myself enough to do the right thing for my body. And even at the very lightest I'd ever been, I never saw the beauty, the love or the accomplishment of what I had done - the results were frightening.

    Now I'm kind of in the middle, I feel that I know where I need to go and sometimes I can touch it and feel certain and other times I still feel really far from the light I want to be in.

    You are loved more than you realize by all those that know you. Find that in you and you're golden babe. Easy peasy lemon squeezy ;)

    1904 days ago
    Thanks for the encouragement! I know, it's a step. I just need to make it a priority at the top of the list, not an afterthought that I don't have the energy for. :)
    1911 days ago
  • SAKS20111
    hang in there!! We all been through the ups and downs. Ive yoyoed to a point that i have 2 wardrobes. The gd thing is now we are doing something about it and the 1st step to be back on the wagon is "to be back on the wagon"!

    Welcome back!!! pick yourself up and keep on sparking! we are all in this together!

    1911 days ago
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