Saturday, January 26, 2013
I really don't know what to do. I'm not his mother. It's not my place in his life.
Maybe I just don't have a place in his life. Maybe that's what this is all about.
I TOLD him this was a deal breaker for me. So he went out and did it again 2 weeks ago. Then wondered why I pulled away from him for two weeks.
I finally came around, and he goes and does it the very next day!
I can't do this. I can't need to spend my life worrying about it, not trusting him. I won't live like that.
And honestly, at this point, I don't trust him. Obviously. I sent someone out to spy on him last night. I'm not proud of it, but that's what happened. I couldn't reach him.
I finally blew up. Told him I'm thinking of not coming back. At this point, if I didn't love my job so much, I wouldn't go back. I know. There are issues at work too that are adding to this stress.
Right now, if I could, I'd transfer to Calgary and be done with this whole mess. I'm actually thinking of going back to work and working towards that. A transfer out of here. Or maybe it's just time to walk away.
Anyhow, I'm back in Calgary now. The drive last night wasn't so bad. I have all day today to do what I want to get done. Then I'm supposed to drive back to Estevan tomorrow. I don't really know what I'm going to do.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
1910 days ago
Oh sweetie - I'm so sorry. I don't have advice for you. I wish I did. An outsider like myself can't tell you to walk away, run, or stay. I know how strongly you feel about this, but I also know you love him. It's so hard and you know you'll have my support no matter what you decide. I do think you need to explain in no uncertain terms why you're angry. You can't control his actions, but you can make sure he knows the affect they have on you. It may not change anything, but at least you'll know he knows.
As to the job front, that's a little easier. If I like my job more days than I don't, then I figure the ratio is working in the right direction and I'm will to put up with whatever happens. If the crap starts to overwhelm me to where the ratio shifts, it's time for a new job. I guess that's what you have to ask yourself.
1911 days ago
I totally agree with both CHUM and KITT. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
My ex did things because he knew I never followed up, he wanted to get caught, I know that now, he wanted ME to be the heavy,, but when I finally woke up and DID follow up, the pain was bad, the struggles were horrible, BUT the payoff for me was my dignity, I grew up and learned that I COULD do things if I had to, I did not need another to keep me even.
You have been saying things in your blogs about how you maybe should go here or there, that you are not satisfied with the sneaky way they put that travel thing in your contract.. there are no such things as coincidences.
Could all of this be happening so it shows you a path that you already weer thinking about??
I changed jobs, went back to college, got my degree, made new friends and kept most of the old ones, and feel absolutely fantastic about myself, I still have myself,,,
Nobody can step on me unless I get down on the ground. I refuse to do that...
1911 days ago
Here's my thought and I speak as a parent. When I was raising my boys and dealing with DONT DO THAT! I would listen to other parents discipline their children, here's things I heard, " do that again and I will break your legs", " do that again and you will never see your Nintendo again (okay that ages me)", Don't do that! Don't do that!" on and on it goes. Did these parents do any of this NO. My heard this, do drugs and I will go to the police! DONE, do that and you will be reading to the Seniors for a month, DONE.
The point of this story, young or old, follow through. I read your blog, how many chances do you give, how many times do you many deal breakers do you give! This is effect you, you are doing things that you would no normally do...trust is number one issue in anyone's life.
This is a growing point in your life. I don't know you or the whole situation, this I know from experience and life lessons, you and your Higher Power can do this! It is your turning point! It is your warning shot of what is acceptable in your life! Your life changing moment is here. It truly is all about you!
1911 days ago
Dr Phil says people do things to use because they know they can.....
1912 days ago
Not sure what the situation is, but without trust things can't be very solid. Best wishes to you.
1912 days ago
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