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DAY 20: WTF Happened??????

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I am sitting here, just coming from a work lunch at Yard House, after eating literally over 3000 calories...

I just...

dont know what is happening to all started this past Saturday. I was eating within my calorie range or a couple hundred over, but then I just went insane.

I have since Saturday, tracked all my food, but I clearly have not put any thought into my calories...I have eaten whatever I wanted without putting thought into it and then I track it and its an insane amount...I have litterally eaten 7639 calories EXTRA on top of my 1750 limit since Saturday!!!!!!

WTF happened?

Why am I doing this to myself...Dont I know I am slowly killing myself and shortening my life? YES I do, then why cant I stop.. This is sooo hard. I am sooo disappointed and disgusted with myself that I am just eating whatever it is thats in front of me and not caring, the worst part is IM TRACKING IT AND STILL DOING IT!!! at least if you dont track you can pretend you dont know...but I have eaten basically an extra 5 days worth of an average of double my daily calories............AHHHHHHHHH

I dont know what it is going to take for me to not self sabotage...I am in therapy and hoping I can work through the reasons I turn to food, but I am just sickened with myself and dont know what to do over it. I am determined not to let this happen again...I know one reason is PREPARATION...

Siince Saturday my kitchen was a disaster area...dirty dishes from cooking on Friday and Thursday of last week...and I havent wanted to clean up, so that stopped me from cooking so I ate out, and there is the VICIOUS CYCLE...

i know my trigger is not being prepared, like what is really important is

1) to have groceries in the house (so I need to meal plan and grocery shop, did this last week and was successful)

2) Maintain a clean kitchen

Usually when I do these 2 things I am successful, I mess up and it just blows up and is just a cycle thats hard to get out of..

I cleaned my kitchen this morning, but dont have tomorrow mornining (get paid) going grocery shopping.
I already printed out the weeks dinners. I am taking dinner leftovers for lunch. to make sure I dont slip up and eat out.

I know I have to let it go and move on from this weeks slip up, but I am so frustrated that I allowed myself to do this knowing all that I know. This just tells me that this is a BATTLE for me, a true battle, a fight with myself the whole way...I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We've all been there, and losing control is another way of saying just get back on track. You fall off...get back on it, no matter how many times. It's good that your tracking and taking accountability. Small adjustments at a time is what it takes. Once I reach my goal, I'll keep it going and make mini-goals in other facets of my life. SP has helped me tremendously. Don't quit on YOU. Can you quit YOU? SP won't quit YOU. I won't quit YOU. Take care.

    1935 days ago
    1946 days ago
    At least you're tracking it honestly. For me that takes a lot of strength...but, then again I'm one of those strange people that uses my food guilt to keep me in check. Just about finding what works for you. Food calories from eating out are a can't even have a salad because the little dressing pack is probably 200 calories by itself. I feel for you because I know I've been there, ate it, and then wondered what the h*ll was wrong with me. emoticon It'll take work, and time...but, you'll make it.
    1946 days ago
    This is a journey and a life changing event seriously one day at a time you are still beating yourself up so you are still overeating. Let it go!!!! Tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps in the future when you have a craving enjoy those calories then Let it go!!!!

    you can overcome!!!!
    Nerver give up
    1947 days ago
    Ok so you stuble but at least you set a plan in place. I am pretty sure I have lost the same 20 pounds over and over again that I should be down 80 with my trend. Tomorrow is a new day so stick to your plan and don't beat yourslef up it takes awhile to fix bad habits but at least you did track so you could see exactly what you are doing to yourself and so you know how to pick yourself back up. Good luck girlie I know you can do this. emoticon
    1947 days ago
    Huge HUGS! Ok, it's been a "not so good" week food wise. NOW you have a plna in place and you're going to take it a day-at-a-tiime. That's good that you have it as a goal to work on this in therapy. That should prove very helpful.

    Just want you to know, NOBODY is judging you here and I personally am applauding your courage in posting this. This is the beginning of good things for you. LOVE YOURSELF. The rest will follow.

    1947 days ago
    I feel for you girl. I sooo feel for you. I know that feeling of knowing exactly what you are doing to yourself but not being able to stop. I don't know how to tell you to stop this. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and STOP. STOP what you are doing at that moment and do something different and better. So if you are reading this right now, STOP and shut the computer down and get up and clean up the mess in the kitchen. Or get up and go for a walk or put in a dvd and something good RIGHT NOW. I hope you are getting up at this moment and I wish you the best.
    1947 days ago
    You had a few bad days. You have a plan to get back on track. Sounds like you're setting yourself up for more success! Something that I do when I am going to eat out is go look to see if I can get nutrition information BEFORE I go. Then I know what substitutions to make, or what to do around that meal to make it all work together.

    You can do it :)
    1947 days ago
  • *MAMA*2*BOYS*
    I'm sorry you're having a rough time! It sounds like you know what you need to do to get back on track, though, and that is definitely a big plus. Restaurant food was always a major trigger for me. I was constantly craving it. Chinese, fast food, mexican, you name it, I wanted it. I have had so many day (or week) long diets that ended because I wanted restaurant food so bad I couldn't control myself and would fall off the wagon over and over again. When I started last August, I decided to quit eating out. Period. No more. And, although it was difficult at first, it wasn't long before my cravings stopped. Over Christmas, I had to eat out a few times (I was out of town, on the road), and I found I really didn't enjoy it; the stuff I used to love now tastes like salt and grease to me. Anyway, all of this rambling was to suggest perhaps banning restaurant foods might help. Believe me, it will be rough at first, but, to me anyway, it has been SO worth it! Good luck figuring out what works for you!! emoticon
    1947 days ago
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