Thursday, January 24, 2013

For the past week or so, the serenity prayer has been going through my mind. A lot. At really random times. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict. The only AA meetings I've ever attended were during college as requirements for my social work classes. The prayer has never had any particular meaning to me. Until this week.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change.
The COURAGE to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference."

Wow. How powerful is that!?!?!

I have been focused on being courageous in the last 13 months, and changing the things that I can. I've changed how I eat, how I move, and how I talk to and relate to myself. Recently, I have begun the work of emotionally unpacking this... why I got to 420# in my twenties. HOW I got to that point. Why I spent the large majority of my life feeling worthless and unlovable.. which is requiring I delve into my adoption/abandonment issues.

"... Courage to change the things I can...."

I'm working on it. And it's terrifying. And exhilarating. And makes me feel more kick-butt than a the karate kid!

Then this week I went to see a plastic surgeon about my abdominal apron. This brought up all sorts of questions.... what is changeable? What is realistic? What is probable?

The truth is, that there are ALWAYS going to be things about this body that I'm not thrilled with. I have a 14" scar from my sternum to my bikini line (haha... that term always makes me roll my eyes b/c this girl hasn't been in a bikini since I was about 12!). I will *hopefully* be getting a new scar from hip to hip if my surgery is approved. I have no belly button. I have 3 meshes sewn into my abdominal wall, holding in my hernias. I have more stretch marks than unmarked skin. My breasts are obliterated. My arms stop waving about 45 seconds after my hand does. These things are a part of me. And I can't change most of them.

"... grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change...." Amen to that.

"... and the wisdom to know the difference..." That's where I'm struggling right now.

There are so many changes I'm working on, and so many unknowns with my body. I have a complicated medical history and there are some questions about what will be resolved/improved with healthy eating, ongoing exercise, and more weight loss. And what is what it is.

Onward I go in my journey. Just had to put those thoughts in black and white.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love love love this! I also didn't think about the serenity prayer as a weight-loss thing, but there's really no part of life where it doesn't apply.

    Good luck as you move forward - dealing with the emotional issues sounds like a real challenge. Nothing hard is ever easy (ha!) and most things that are worthwhile aren't particularly easy either.
    1944 days ago
    Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts. I never thought about the Serenity Prayer in relation to weight loss, but when I read your blog, it all makes perfect sense. So many things to think about.

    I'm a couple entries behind on blogs. I just read the one about your appointment with your doctor and having him say the surgery would be considered medically necessary. That's wonderful, and my fingers are crossed that your insurance will approve it!

    And secondly... the pics you posted in your last blog were amazing. You look absolutely wonderful. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself! Congratulations!

    Hope you have had a great Friday.

    1944 days ago
    This is so encouraging!
    1944 days ago
    Wonderful prayer and wonderful attitude! Thanks for sharing your struggles. You inspire us all.
    1945 days ago
    Just remember that the Serenity Prayer wasn't originally written for people with alcohol or drug addictions (you can google it). It was for anyone facing dark times. I cross stitched it and with every poke of the needle through the cloth, the words circulated through my brain to calm me down and get my head screwed back on straight. I saved the word "serenity" for the final thing to stitch and made quite a ritual of stitching it .

    Use it! It belongs to any and all of us!
    1945 days ago
  • CAMAEL100
    That is a great prayer and should be applied to all areas of our life and as it suggests will bring us serenity!
    1945 days ago
    My arms stop waving about 45 seconds after my hand does.

    Hey this one sounds like me. We all have things we are not happy with and like you said we can change what we can and live with the rest.

    Your doing great reaching into your feelings and putting them down with words.

    What you don't realize is that you are accepting who you are and loving yourself while your in the process of writing what you feel.

    Job well done my Friend. emoticon
    1945 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    The Serenity Prayer is a Classic Prayer. Verely Timely and very Helpful. Something to use to help you to sort things out and to live by. You are doing Great. And very Positive too. Keep moving forward. God Bless You and Have a Marvelous Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1945 days ago
    I know what you mean about the serenity prayer. It is very powerful. I have been using it myself for over 10 years. I have battled drugs, and cigarettes and if I can do that I can do this too.

    Thanks for being such an inspiration to me!

    1945 days ago
    The Serenity prayer is handy to go back to every so often to help keep us mindful of what we can do and to be more accepting of ourselves.
    1945 days ago
    You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You know that it's not possible for anyone to be perfect. We all have things to deal with/live with. You will do fine and are so much healthier than before!
    1945 days ago
    None of us are perfect, and we all struggle to deal with our imperfections. Thanks for sharing the serenity prayer. We all need to remember it.
    1945 days ago
    Acknowledging is half the battle!...Good for you! Lots of deep thinking going'll get there!
    1945 days ago
    That is a wonderful prayer. And should always be remembered. Very happy that you accepted who you are and what you are able to change. I'm hoping that your surgery gets approved, and that you will feel even more wonderful. Bless you in all the things you have done and will do.

    emoticon emoticon You are amazing.
    1945 days ago
  • DONNA5281
    I have always love that prayer.
    You have a lot on your shoulders right now, but I must say that you are thinking positive and that is a good sign.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    emoticon emoticon
    1945 days ago
    It's really what is on the inside that counts. Sure it's great to look good but if when you go to sleep at night knowing that you are a good person then that is important too. You have obviously come VERY far and should be proud of that. Stay strong and positive as you continue your journey. emoticon emoticon Sending good thoughts your way!!!!!
    1945 days ago
    I really like the Serenity Prayer, it suits so many situations. I can feel you about the arms. I am developing biceps muscles, but the loose skin that hangs down still makes me cringe when I watch myself in the mirror at the gym.
    1945 days ago
    Knowledge is power I think you are doing very well.

    The prayer is already in your mind and you contemplate it so you are getting the reward from it.


    Hope they ok the surgery for you.
    1945 days ago
    Hey there sweetie.
    Please remember that God never makes a mistake.You are Gods daughter and he is proud of YOU!.
    He loves you so much and if he has his way you will spend eternity with him in heaven. God bless you Lesleyanne. emoticon

    P.s I love your blog.the serenity prayer is a favourite.
    1945 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/24/2013 6:20:43 PM
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.