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Saying Goodbye

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Don't worry, I'm not saying goodbye to Spark. Spark is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've met amazing people that I've come to love as we all go through this journey together. I just felt that I should blog about something I'm going through because I'm having a really hard time with. Not even my so-called meds are helping today. I keep having panic attacks out the wazoo and that's not helping the emotional pain I have today. Let me start from the beginning that some of you already know. My car wouldn't start the day after Christmas and my boss looked at it and guessed the timing gears went out on it. So I proceeded to try to sell it cuz I can't afford to fix it. I got an offer from a coworker and I thought nothing of it and considered taking him up on it cuz it was the only offer I got for the fact that it wasn't running anymore. Well, when my boss found out, he was pissed and decided to have it fixed for me and have me make payments back to him for it. That was about 3 weeks ago now. I asked him about a week and a half ago if they knew what was wrong with it. He said that all they knew at that point was that the fuel kept flooding out the spark plugs and that's why it wasn't starting. So yesterday he comes up to me and said they isolated the problem. I took one look at his face and knew it was over. I said, "It's not good, is it?" He said no. He was right. It's the timing gears. But the problem is that the engine that I have, there are two timing gears; one in the front and one in the back. In order to fix them, they'd have to take the whole engine out. That means the labor would be at LEAST $1200, but probably more, and then there's the cost of the parts. It'd cost more than the car is worth now. At least in book value. In emotional value, there is no price. I have so many memories in that car. I had it almost 9 years. I was 16 when my parents got it. I learned to drive in that car. They gave me the title for my 20th birthday. I'm almost 25 now. So I'm taking this really hard. Yesterday I had to raid my coworker, and ironically my future mother in law's, desk and took all her tissues. Today I'm still crying like a little baby. It's like having to say goodbye to my best friend almost. I know that I'm the only one with feelings here, but I felt like I had a bond with that car. She saved my life when I had that accident 3 years ago. I know if I'd had it in another car, I would have been severely injured but she saved me and was STILL running after. I had a warhorse for a car. And of course I feel so bad, I didn't care what I ate last night and ate my emotions away til I couldn't eat anymore. Not the smartest idea, but that's my coping mechanism. So to wrap this up, I'm saying getting my stuff and saying goodbye today cuz the mechanic guy said he'd take it for parts. At least her warrior spirit can live on in other cars, right? I can share the good times I had with others this way. I just don't wanna say goodbye is all. And to top it off I see the bankruptcy lawyer today, so it's quite a lot for one day. I'll try harder today to not let my emotions control what I eat today. As it stands I have what I call a food hangover and had to force my breakfast down. Okay, I'm done rambling on forever about my car and how much I love it and hate saying goodbye. Sorry for crying on everybody here. I must try harder to be strong.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I just read your blog. Sorry about your car. I can tell you that bankruptcy may really help because it gives you the chance to start fresh. I bought a house two years after I was in bk so I know. Of coarse since the economy tanked I may lose the house since it is completely underwater but I know these set backs are temporary now that I have been there before. Hang in there and if you had a bad eating day just know there will always be ups and owns and so you can do this emoticon
    1911 days ago
    Your car is an organ doner. She will give life to cars with otherwise terminal "diseases." You are definitely not alone in the emotional attachment to your car. I felt much the same way about my old car. It was ugly, it was huge, and she was a trusted reliable friend. When I finally gave up paying for repairs on her, I had a little farewell "ceremony" and took a picture.

    Feel better! Yesterday was for mourning. Today is for goodbye. Tomorrow is for remembering and getting back on track on your plan. You can do it :)
    1914 days ago
  • BLITZ0825
    emoticon emoticon I hope you feel better soon!
    1915 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your car. I hope you're feeling better about things soon!
    1915 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Hang in there. You have all the Good Memories that You will for a life time. No can take them away from You. When you think about the car, remember them. They will makeYou feel better. God Bless You and Have a Super Good Day. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1915 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/22/2013 6:12:52 PM
    Hey, I got sentimental about a REFRIGERATOR, and it never saved my life in an accident! You have some very emotional stuff going on right now. Have a good cry, know that you're taking the steps forward you need to, and know that we're here for a "digital hug"!
    1915 days ago
  • DIANER2014
    Hang in there you! emoticon
    1916 days ago
  • MIRFA71
    emoticon emoticon
    1916 days ago
    Hugs to you and remember the memories will always be with you.
    1916 days ago
  • -VIXEN-
    You can get through this, one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself and take good care. *hugs*
    1916 days ago
  • *MAMA*2*BOYS*
    emoticon Hang in there! I hope your day gets better!!
    1916 days ago
  • ASTRA58
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    It's always hard to say goodbye to something that you feel is part of your life. Hang in there.
    1916 days ago
    emoticon Hang in there. I hope that after the meeting the with lawyer today you will have at least some good news to hang onto. emoticon
    1916 days ago
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    1916 days ago
    1916 days ago
  • LINDA!
    1916 days ago
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