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Confession: Triggered

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Confession, I've lost 4.8 lbs in 4 days. I think I've triggered an old demon. I post about how it's healthy to lose 1-2 lbs, and I know that some weeks you might not lose anything. But I got frustrated about 4 days ago and drastically cut my calories. My food tracker is like, sat-1000 cals, sun-900, mon-650. I'm progressively cutting them lower and lower.

I never considered myself anorexic, but I did do this before and weighed about 120 at 5'7. I was still in the healthy bmi range, all be it at the low end, so I didn't think I had a problem, but maybe I did. Because now I know how ridiculously unhealthy what I did was, 500 calorie days and running 10k until I literally fainted. I was 17. Now I'm 28. Is it possible I've re triggered the beast, as I like to call it?

Seeing that scale drop is so motivating for me to continue on my low cal diet. I was just so happy to finally be out of the 180s. Sigh. What's wrong with me? Why do I go from one extreme to the other.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MGREER84
    To start with, you aren't alone. This happens to me as well. I struggled with the demon of eating disorders for 10 years only to be followed by the beast of food addiction. One extreme to the other! It's a constant mental struggle and a really challenging choice to remember every day that if I don't eat in the long run I won't be healthy. I keep thinking about how fulfilling it is to see the scale drop but I want to be around to see my kids grow and I want to be physically fit not just skinny.

    What do you want from this? Think about all the reasons you are working out. Hold on to the fitness ones. Remember not eating doesn't increase your fitness in fact it sabatoges your weight loss efforts in the future. Your metabolism needs fuel to keep it firing. Do you know what happens to a campfire without logs? It goes out. Same concept with your metabolism. Long term weight loss=balanced diet and lots of hard work.
    2125 days ago
  • ACYCLINGMIND
    I'm happy to see you're acknowledging this, though! Have you thought about support groups like OA? It can be as much of a struggle to stay over 1200 as it is to stay under 2000! Keep working at it. Remember: the slower it comes off the less likely it will come back.
    2125 days ago
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