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Feeling a bit... bleh...

Monday, January 21, 2013

So... I try to keep my writings in my journal and in my blog (what little blog I have to date) positive. But I also know part of the purpose in the type of writing that goes into a journal or blog is to get out your feelings, so right now I'm going to open up a bit about some not so positive stuff.

Right now me and my boyfriend are in a fight. He is locked up in one room of our 2 bedroom apartment. I hate when we fight, especially at night. I can't sleep, which means I go to work tired which makes my work (listening to people's struggles and helping them through) just a bit harder. It was an innocent little thing that got twisted around (isn't that how a lot of fights go? miscommunication or misinterpretation). I've noticed it happens a lot on his end though, where he gets angry because he thinks I'm thinking something. And I never am and I keep telling him this again and again and it just does not seem to sink in. I am quite honest with how I feel and how I think, I don't do the whole "you should know why I am upset" thing. It's just frustrating. I mean I know we'll work things out and things will be okay like always, just hate feeling like there's nothing else going on for me but there's nothing I can do until he clears his head.

But something else that's just making me bleh is just thinking that I have no one really to talk to. I don't have that many friends in my life, depending on your definition of friends. The ones I have are all busy with life (job, kids...) and we don't talk or see each other much. I'm also pretty shy and reluctant to "impose" so I have difficulty just messaging or asking to do stuff (I do do it, just can get easily discouraged). The only people who I end up seeing or talking to frequently tend to do the initiating, and the ones of those nature that I have gotten involved with also tend to be the more intense so it gets to the point where I see them so much or they get so attached I have to back off because it's past a point I am comfortable. Initiating and doing more social things is one of the areas I have set about wanting to work on in 2013. I know it's an issue and until recently, haven't really wanted to work on it because I've had other things going on I put as more important. But it's times like now I really wish I could just text someone about the crap I was doing with and hang out or just talk for an hour or so and have a friendly face to be around.

Anywho as I said, I try to be more positive on these things and I know I'll be okay so I'm not worried. Just something I wanted to get off my chest. Even feeling how I feel right now, I know I am overall in a very good place - in fact the healthiest place I have been my entire life. I am working to increase that upward trend and am optimistic about my path.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think I will end up taking you up on that offer - and you can do the same :) And i enjoy goofy - keeps things fun!!!
    2308 days ago
    I think the I made the comment on your very first blog about how this site is excellent for the support you recieve from others! I truly believe that. I am also that way. I really don't have a ton of close friends, not because I don't have people, it's just I generally choose not to open up to people. So I started to use my blog as my journal that doesn't have a filter. I put whatever I want into my blogs and I find the times that I feel the lowest are the most beneficial to post because at least one person on here will respond and try to help.

    I have actually made friends on this site that I now text back and forth on a regular basis.

    I'm sorry you had a fight with your bf, sometimes the hardest thing is when you just can't do anything and you have to just wait.

    Feel free to email me if you'd like, I'd be happy to add you to my txt buddy list as well :) I can be a little goofey just forwarning ya.
    2313 days ago
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