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Oh, migraines.

Monday, January 21, 2013

I hate migraines. I'm not emotionally ready yet to go into real details, yet, I don't think. I know I haven't even really talked about my surgeries, either. I think that's because here, I can be completely open and honest, and I'm just not there yet. Yes, it's been a year, one week, and one day since the first surgery, but still...just not there yet.

Anyway, I had three migraines this weekend. Three! That really threw me for a loop. I was not emotionally ready to handle having a migraine, and physically, well - I should have planned better.
See, after my surgeries, I think I almost expected my migraines to go away completely. When they didn't, I was devastated. I hunted down a neurologist I saw before my surgeries, and explained I had gone through with the surgery route despite his disapproval. He was so understanding, and promised to do whatever he could to help me. We tried a new medicine, and I thought, this is it! It's working, it's great, and I"m almost headache free. Awesome!

I've had a couple of bad migraines since starting that medicine, and of course a few of my nasty headaches, but nothing gut-wrenching, crying, unable to move or even breathe type. Until this weekend. And that sucked. I was devastated, I admit. So, I ate. I sent hubby to the store with a list, and I ate. And ate. And ate some more. In fact, I think I still feel stuffed - ugh.
Good news is, I didn't binge nearly to the point where I used to. Super proud of me for that. Also, although I wasn't able to work out, I'm not beating myself up over it. It was just not going to happen, no way, no how. I'm happy to say I am not upset over that, or trying to figure out a way to punish myself somehow.
Bad news is, I binged. I didn't exercise. Therefore, I gained weight. Ick. But, now I'm starting to think of making another emergency kit. I had one for lupus flares, but it got used up and never replaced. Perhaps now I should make a new one, for any illness I come down with. Fill it with good, wholesome, but craving-fulfilling snacks, and maybe a couple of magazines and a book. Stash it away, and have it ready when, and if, I need it. I have to give that some more thought.

In the meantime, I'm back on my exercise game plan - no reason not to, right? Makes such sense now.
And, I'm still working on the grocery list/menu, but I have a few things to get me started. Thanks to my good thinking last week, I have one night of soup frozen and two nights' worth of burrito filling frozen. I just have to grab some tortillas, guacamole ingredients, and maybe a salad and we're good to go. Nice to know I could have even sent hubby for those things, and we would have dinner if needed.
Why did I not do that on my migraine days? I wanted to binge. Badly. And I did. I let the depression get deep into me, but I'm learning, slowly, to stop doing that, and face my demons down, not shove them back with food.

I think I've showed some major growth here the past couple of weeks, and a lot of it is due to my spark friends. I may not always comment, but your blogs are all amazing and inspiring. So thank you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MARTY728
    emoticon remember that with time all will pass! emoticon emoticon
    2248 days ago
  • SLEE103
    emoticon that sounds awful. I agree, be kind to yourself. It happened, it passed. I also love the idea of the emergency kit!
    2248 days ago
  • BEEJAY49
    Migraines are horrible things. I'm glad you didn't try to exercise with it and I'm even happier you didn't beat yourself up over the eating binge. New chances come each minute and when you're up to it you will do what you're able. HUGS!
    2249 days ago
    It's ok, be kinder to yourself. You weren't exactly lying on the beach this weekend. Migraines suck and you coped. Maybe your body needed a lot of nutrients.
    It doesn't happen every weekend, so try and let it go. I hope you find the right solution for them. Be well!
    2249 days ago
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