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Love/Hate relationship

Monday, January 21, 2013

I am having an extremely hard time with this Love/hate relationship that I have with food. It almost seems like i am lost in this battle to find middle ground where both my mind and my body agree. I am learning that i kind of like cooking and making new recipes. That would be great if i was cooking healthy all the time. Trust me , I can take a recipe that is meant to be healthy and start adding more products to it (using pork sausage instead of turkey sausage) , adding more shrimp to it then is called for , and eat three times the amount that the serving size says it should be. But in my mind, I tend to call that eating healthy even though what started out as being that way , I have now changed it to something extremely bad for you. I have been really trying to use the food tracker and make sure that I am doing it right. I bought a scale. I want to do this right. It just seems so hard. When i get the calories right , then the fat content is off , or the carbs are too low. My nutrition plan seems like a rubics cube that no matter how much i look at it , or switch it around , it seems i will never have all six sides the same color.

Don't get me wrong. I am still trying to eat healthy. I am cooking meals at home. I take my lunch to work. I have more veggies on my plate then meat or starches. I am taking fruits with me to snack on. But I come home from work and feel like i have no control over what i eat when i get here. It is like i am set free to eat what ever i want when i walk in the door.

I really do wish i had someone to do this with. That could walk with me each day and help me. I hate feeling lost. I hate feeling like i am losing the battle. I hate this cycle of getting on board, working hard for a bit, seeing myself start falling and knowing what always come next. I hate being at the point of tears and knowing that this is something I have to work past , but not knowing if I have the strength to do it. I hate knowing that i have to love myself enough to fight for me because i tend to hate myself for what i have let myself become.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I feel you it can be discouraging and overwhelming but it will happen over time the ability to look at something and know how much. Whats really important here is that you recognize the problem and doing something about it.....thats growth. It does seem like we are all alone and we all suffer from triggers its a sloooow process sometimes but you are not alone we all fight just in different places. Its nothing like having someone to call on, who you can see everyday especially the difficult ones you have to find the inner strength to go on. Never Give Up!!!!! U have spark friends who totally understand emoticon
    1918 days ago
    DO NOT HATE YOURSELF! Much easier said than done, but you can't let yourself do that. I have days like that, but staying positive is one of the only things you DO have control over. It's a process, it sucks and it takes a lot of time, but you will overcome.

    And once you are used to seeing what a "healthy" portion size is, you won't have to weigh everything, but it is good practice none-the-less. And when it comes to getting everything in range, it just doesn't happen that way every day. I have days where I never reach my calorie low number, but because I eat a lot of fruit, the carbs are high. Again, it all depends on what kind of carbs you are eating. Same with fat. So don't stress too much on those numbers. They are guidelines, not hard and fast rules to live by. And they will change as your weight changes.

    So stick in there and soon you will be knocking it out of the park!
    1918 days ago
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