Sorting out what happened and moving on...
Monday, January 21, 2013
I ran the Walt Disney World marathon a little over a week ago. I didn't run it for me. And when I finished, at the end of the day I hung a big half-hour medal around the neck of my brother who shouldn't even be alive... instead, he'll be celebrating his 30th birthday this coming Saturday. "Team Josh" and I raised money all year for www.atcp.org/team4josh for research for the disease he has. We quadrupled our fundraising goal of $600 And then made it so Josh could spend the week in Disney World after the marathon. It was the time of his life, literally. So now I'm at that place where the pictures have been posted, everyone on Facebook has to be sick of hearing about it, and it's time to move on. But how do you move on from a year of preparation, the biggest running goal I'll probably ever make, the biggest physical victory I've ever had, and the emotion of the reason for the run? It's a lot to take in. I don't feel depressed, I'm just not sure where to go next.
I have a few ideas, though:
1. I started Ripped in 30 a couple nights ago.
2. I've been talking about starting a couch to 5k club at work.
3. I really need to get my house in order from how much I neglected it the past year of busy planning and training.
4........... I don't know. I'm out of ideas.
The problem might be that these goals seem so superficial now. I want something that pushes me to dig deep again. I want to help someone. I want the pain and sweat to mean something. I don't want to work out just to make me look or perform a certain way... which is really weird for me. I've always had a drive to be leaner, faster, stronger...
But now, I say Why? What's the purpose? If I don't use that strong, fast body for something or someone, what's the point? Isn't it somewhat vanity?
I know this is part of the experience, and things will level out for me in a few weeks, I'm sure. But I'm not so sure I want to ever lose this feeling of searching for a way to make life count. I pray that the Lord reveals His next goal to me soon so I can get to work again.