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F2F immersion--How to get along without going along

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Doug Lisle gave this presentation. It was very helpful and I've used some of his suggestions. The presentation dealt with the problem we face from people that ask, "Aren't you getting enough protein?" Or, "Do you think you are too good to eat our food?" Etc. etc. We've all faced these kind of situations. Doug opened by stating that we'll have a lot of conflicts on interests with what we are doing. Bottom line to the problem springs from the fact that "It's all about status (respect, regard). It also involves this question: "How well am I making choices re. short term, med and long term outcomes?" We give more status to those who make choices based on long term solutions. When the status shifts away from other people, then they get "disturbed."

In society, according to Doug, there is a dominance hierarchy. The higher in the hierarchy one goes the greater the mating opportunities. You can see that Doug truly is a psychologist. But his discussion of this actually made sense. So the problem about status is really about where someone feels they are on the hierarchy ladder. If I start doing something different that changes their perception of where they might fall on the hierarchy ladder, this is disturbing to them and they react in ways that present a challenge to our eating plan. If I start doing things "better, especially if it is not as "tasty" as I used to eat or as "tasty as societal norms, then I must be doing it for a superior reason, so I must think I am superior and the other person down a notch on the ladder. This upsets their "status."

Doug taught that there are 2 types of people that we will have to deal with:
1. People that don't know (anything about what you are doing and why), and
2. People who know why we are doing what we are doing.

To deal with the Type 1 person, understand that they are anxious that you are pulling ahead of them (in the village) and that they are slipping behind. In dealing with them, you can respond by saying, "I don't know. That "texts" that you are not fighting with their status.
A Type 1 person will wonder and ask "Why are you doing this? It seems too much a sacrifice for what you are getting out of it." It will be tempting to want to explain to them and get the status I deserve. But, long run, if we use the proper strategies to not disturb their status, it will be easier for us to get along with out having to go along. They will then leave us along to eat as we please.
1. Answer, "I don't know."
2. "It seems . . ." strategy, also designed to indicate that you are not fighting with their status.
3. "It's probably not right for everyone . . ." -- validates them and their eating fat, sugar, etc.
4. "I'm just trying to get more . . . (antioxidants, etc.)
These are all designed to indicate that we are not out to change anyone's place on the hierarchy ladder.

To deal with Type 2 people: the issue is not about knowledge, but about their status. We take care of Type 2 people by giving them status.
1. Ask questions -- This elevates them in their own eyes. You are acting "subservient" which is a good strategy.
2. Give compliments
3. Take away from yourself, deprecating.
4. Let them feel OK, I don't have to "grandstand" that I'm better.

Bottom line for dealing with all people re. eating plant-strong:
I have to be SMOOTH to get along.
My innate "status checker" knows when my status goes up or down. My ego is a mechanism for checking status. When we want to GO along and give up how we plan to eat, it's our mechanism for handling their changing status. We are embarrassed for them, so it's easy to give in and go along.
Using the above strategies is better for you in the long run.

Then we all will have the life we deserve.

One last photo: A "pizza" plant-strong, made on WW pita bread or maybe WW tortilla, with a bed of greens, topped with hummus and then veggies, including sautéed onions and peppers, and then tomatoes. Could also use broccoli, pineapple and whatever. It was very good!!

I will post one final blog about this weekend.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for sharing!

    Have a fantastic rest of the day!
    Calorie Cycling Team
    Perfect Health Diet Team
    1952 days ago
    very interesting wallpaper. hard to resist family pressure.

    they want you to lose weight , but keep feeding you.

    i am working on this.
    1954 days ago
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