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40 days on Spark People - The View From Here

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Saturday, January 19, 2013

As I was in the pool at the gym this afternoon, doing my 45 minutes of water jogging, I realized that today is Day 40 on Spark People, participating in Spark Coach, and being on this new journey. Since 40 days feels significant, I wanted to take stock, and talk about The View From Here.

As so many people have commented on in other blogs, and what we of course know ourselves, I've been on a zillion diets, including Atkins for a year (never did lose all that much weight) and starting with WW when I was a kid. My family members are all overweight, so weight, weight loss, despair, accepting ourselves who we are etc have been topics of conversation my whole life.

So what makes this time different? First, the wake up moment of really "Seeing Myself" as we were about to go on stage to perform. Seeing myself in the mirror, seeing everyone else, and getting that, NO NO NO NO NO, this cannot go one. This is not who I really am. Probably lots of us have that Wake Up moment. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I'd tried Spark People before, but had never gotten involved in the community, and this was before Spark Coach.

So fast forward to today, I ask myself, so how are things going?

1. I feel like I'm in a groove, which I don't think I've ever felt before, about food - what to eat, tracking, how often to eat, etc. I understand now, when I've heard people talk about eating smaller meals throughout the day. In working on keep calories low - and healthy - this kind of eating has just naturally evolved. Eating breakfast everyday, I have to say, I can really feel a shift in metabolism. I get REALLY hungry a few hours later. Then eat again a few hours later, all meals 300 cal or less. Then in the afternoon snacks, then more calories available for dinner - which is the hardest time for me. Having a lot of calories left for dinner and evening is working best right now.

2. On Spark Coach, they say that this is a JOB, and is WORK, and that we need to take it that way. Amen to that! Again, having a focus on food, and fitness, and motivations, staying connected on the Spark People Website, tracking etc. It IS a job, and work. It's serious work, and I get that.

3. I made a vision board last week - first time I've ever done that although I've certainly heard about doing these before. I want to do another one now, encompassing some other areas of my life.

4. I'm awed - is that the right word? - at my depth of commitment, the seriousness of this work, and I feel like I am not holding back, but giving it my all. It is SO HELPFUL reading blog posts about the fear of failing, yet again, yet again. But the constant focus from Spark Coach and Spark People in general, about "Keep Going", Never Give Up, Consistency, etc. This is new - and it feels so right. I feel new with it... and that feels really right too.

5. Struggling with not feeling like I'm in "calorie prison", and that each time I eat anything, there's less and less. I'm trying to work this out inside - to free myself from this. Yes, this is about discipline, but a) it's a choice, and b) it's what we all do, as human beings, eat and then stop LOL.

6. Feeling really good when I do my workouts in the pool, so steady, right at my target heart rate, moving like I mean it, and my body is soaking it up. I need to add the strength training component - need to get over my resistance to that, I've done strength training in the past, and I love it. I also need to start walking.... for many years, I couldn't walk more than a block or 2, due to spinal stenosis in my neck and low back. But after intensive massage therapy - intensive! - over the last year, and the exercise, I CAN walk now. I need to set down the fear, and just go. 10 minutes, that's all I need to commit too.

7. I need to figure out how to eat everything, but in moderation. If I don't allow myself some other foods, I know I'm going to burn out. I'm afraid - there's that word again - that if I eat anything other than 0% greek yogurt and blueberries, that I will fall out of this and, well you know, fail. But even as I write this, I know this is not the truth.

8. Goals, where I want to go, what I want to accomplish, its all there, to be had, isn't it?

Fear - didn't realize this until right now - Fear looms big. Wow... ok, need to munch on that...

That's it for now - thanks for reading my blog. Any thoughts, ideas, reflections you have would be greatly appreciated! thank you :)

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