I actually laughed out loud, the belly kind of laugh, when I saw this picture. I don't think anything sums me up quite as well as this picture does. Too funny.
I think back and how true is this for me?
I've gone back and forth, up and down and all around just trying to find what works for me. Counting calories? Counting carbs? Calorie cycling? Turbo Fire? Inferno Plan? Shakeology? Clean eating? Paleo eating? Cardio? Weight lifting? All of the above? None of the above?
So many decisions to make. What is the right one? What is the best one? It is hard for someone like me who operates mainly on emotion versus logic. I let my heart guide me, which can be a good thing, but at times, when the logic is missing, what it boils down to is naivety. Sometimes the questions need to be asked, thought through, figured out. Logic needs to balance out the emotion. The Yin to the Yang
I am not saying one is better than the other, but I do think it is good to have a good balance. Kind of like a checks and balances system for the self. I think that is why my stress levels elevate so much is my emotional side has a hard time coping with the cold brutality of life. My emotional side normally rules over my logical side. Right brained versus left brained type of mentality. I have spent a lot of time wishing that I could be more of the hard-core left brained logic type of person and where I know that person is in there, it comes forth in my OCD side but I also see that the emotional side tends to come out and cover and dominate the logical side at times.
I am the first to admit, however that my checks and balances are a bit screwed up, I tend to be a very dichotomous person. It is hard. I have a hard time balancing the logic versus the emotional it seems when one comes out it is loud and overpowering. When my logical OCD side comes out, it shouts loud, shutting down the other side.
It is emotionally draining. I do feel like I tend to live my life with emotion versus logic and I think at times it gets me in trouble. Instead of asking the questions and evaluating the situation, I tend to just go with it. Not necessarily think things through. Act on impulse versus thinking things through first.
I think that one of the reasons, if not the main one, that intuitive eating is such a good fit for me. Instead of being ruled with cold hard numbers and guidelines, which I will admit, is very appealing for my OCD side. It gives that bottom line, the easy point a to point b line to follow, it is nice to not have to be ruled by the numbers and cold hard facts. I feel like for the first time in a very long time, I am on my path, my own unique path. The one that I am designing for me.
It is not a weight loss path.
It is not a calorie in/calorie out path.
It is not a scale driven path.
All things, which admittedly, appeal to my logical, OCD number driven side but drive my emotional side bonkers. I feel like I have found the right path that appeals to both my logical side and my emotional side.
I can eat clean, healthy foods but not have to have a title associated with it.
I can lift weights and break a hell of a sweat but not have to kill myself with endless cardio that drive me bonkers.
I can eat when I am hungry, even if that hunger calls at 10pm and not have to be bound my the "kitchen is shut down" rule.
I can log foods in my Fitbook to track my hunger, fullness, what foods make me feel good and which foods make me feel yucky but not be bound by the caloric values of these foods.
I can drink 96oz of water on days that I am thirsty as hell and a mere fraction of that on days that I am not.
I can be happy with myself even if there are things I would like to change.
See, for me, anymore, it isn't just about that easy point A to point B path, but rather the scribble that takes me all over the place. I've been on that point A to point B path and it nearly drove me into an eating disorder and it certainly drove me into injury.
I am finding that I kind of like my little path and how it is going for me now. I can be happy with my squiggy lines knowing that I can blend my dichotomous self into the gray a bit and relish not being bound by any sets of rules. I can do what feels good to me. I don't have to stop and think out every detail of my day as far as what I am going to eat, what workout I am going to do, which is emotionally taxing to me. I can, rather use my logical side to balance out my emotional side and find that happy medium and enjoy the ride.
I think back and as I sit here typing this, I know I am right where I am supposed to be. Brought here to this very moment by events that have shaped who I am today. I came to SP to find that point a to point b path. Lose the weight that I had gained over three previous pregnancies. I lost the weight and gained a bit more of a sense of who I am, I am a driven person and when I do make up my mind, something that appeals to both my logcial and emotional side, I can accomplish just about anything and everything I set out to do. I know that nothing is carved into stone. I will get to where I want to go, it just may be by an entirely different set of rules than what others go by.