Funk no more

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Got home from work today in a weird state. I didn't feel emotionally in a bad mood, but my thoughts were all unpleasant. Frustrated with people always wanting things from me and not having a lot of relationships in my life that are more equal and where I feel I get my needs met as well.

I should probably say here now that in my job, I work one on one with people with mental health issues helping them in a variety of ways. So naturally, I don't expect to get my needs met in those relationships. Sometimes it's just frustrating when I'm being asked to do certain things that I'm not supposed to do and when I leave, I feel guilty or frustrated at the situation. Had a few of those today.

Then came home and got another email from my friend who is struggling with mental health issues and wanting support. This is someone I have had to cut back on contact with extremely because he's intensely in love with me and intensely emotional and depressed. So talking with him gets to me a lot, and after dealing with that all day at work, it's hard to come home to it too. Reading his email got me frustrated more.

Also having relationship issues which have been around for a while and not seeing improvement. All of that meant my thoughts were racing about all the negatives when I got home. For the first time ever I was able to successfully meditate during a state like that. I've tried a bit before but given up after just getting distracted by my thoughts. I was (am!) very proud of myself for that. emoticon It took a bit of effort, but I did it and got into a good state of mind, and actually meditated my longest session that I've had since starting up again last week. And it helped me get out of the whirlwind of negative that was clouding me before. A wonderful experience!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Loved your honesty with your feelings. Sorry the people in your life are not apreciating you for the nice giving person you seem to be.

    emoticon on your being able to meditate which is not so easy with all that comes at your from people all day.

    I also found that I had many people around me who I was always there for them and their needs but did not feel it was coming around back to me when I was in need.
    Sometimes I think people are self absorbed and it drains us. I now call them psychic vampires.

    Just a suggestion since it helped me....I decided it was time to clean house....I had many people calling me and unloading their stuff which is okay but it was draining me at times and taking on the phone sometimes about nothing only seem to waste time I could be meditating, taking a bath, doing something that gives me joy and relaxes me.

    Well solution I assessed each realationship and reduced some friends to acquaintances and no longer am easily accessible. I use caller ID and my cablevision has who is calling on the TV...very helpful. I screen every call and limit my availability and no longer allow people to dump on me on a daily basis and drain me.

    I often depending on who it is will check my message right after the call to see if they have anything urgent or needing immediate attention......often its not they just decided they wanted to visit when it was good for them not always good for you.

    Good Luck
    2468 days ago
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