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Battling the Fatitude

Monday, January 14, 2013

So, speaking in terms of actuality, nothing has changed since last Friday, around 7 PM. But when you enter the realm of reality…

I wrote a blog Friday with a couple of songs linked, both of which suggest that perception is reality. The next day, I mentioned how the mirrored glass in the gym reflected my fat-assed self. There’s something awfully, awfully meta going on here, in the fact that just after those events, I’ve been feeling fat all weekend, whereas until stepping on that treadmill Friday, I was fine with where I was on this journey. A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will.

I mean, last week, I took before pics for the current BLC round, and noted the protruding belly, and…that was it. I’m not sharing those pics publicly, but that wasn’t out of any sort of morbid embarrassment, or anything of the sort, it’s just because I haven’t been sharing any half naked pics of myself on here, no matter how much you beg (ok, ok, no one is begging for any such thing). But I took those pics, and didn't really think anything of it at the time. And now, I'm looking at them again, and wondering, why not? Did I not see the protruding belly? Or was it that I didn't see it as Protruding (the capital P makes all the difference, don'tcha know?)

So, now I’m left to wonder if it’s a case of talking myself into it. Whether I didn't, by typing out those particular thoughts in that particular timeframe and juxtaposition, set myself up into having this reaction. I didn’t even make that connection until I typed out the entry title, intending to reference only the post-treadmill blog.

All that said, the “suddenly feeling fat” feeling isn’t a new phenomenon. It’s just that it usually occurs after a gain of 5-7 lbs, throughout which I stroll around feeling fine, until one day I wake up, look in the mirror and utter an expletive. This time, I've been in an essential plateau for a while. I haven't gained any lasting weight, certainly not the kind of previous trigger event Honestly, this particular strain of fatitude hasn’t really struck within the past 16 months, since I’ve been on this site. So, I'm a little surprised to see it rearing its ugly head…and more than a little amused that it’s doing so at the outset of my foray into the BLC challenge, something that seems rather well-suited to take on that very feeling. And, just to extend the web of interconnected among my recent scribblings, I happened to mention the BLC challenge in Sunday's entry.

Do you believe in coincidences?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The out-of-no where self-hating body image crap sucks. It's good that you can see it for what it is, though. Just a bad fattitude. It is so unnecessary to have mirrors near treadmills, but you can totally kick the treadmill, the mirror and the fattitude in the arse. One by one.

    And I actually really really liked the Imminent Sonic Destruction song! I might even go so far as to say... loved it! Thanks for sharing.

    Hope you're having a good week!

    1923 days ago
    1924 days ago
    We all have that feeling from time to time. maybe it is to serve as that motivation to get you through the BLC.
    1924 days ago
    Definitely believe in the self-fulfilling prophecy and coincidence. Always happened that way in my life for sure.

    Like EMMAEKA said, do push ups, do crunches. You are capable and that means you're all right and good to go to work on your physical and emotional self for improvement. Perfection? Eh, overrated at best. But improvement, progress towards being better . . . now that's a good thing.

    Good luck!
    1924 days ago
    Snap out of it! You are awesome!

    1924 days ago
    Do ten pushups - could a fat4$$ do those? Do ten crunches - how about that? You're definitely capable of way more than your little protrusions would have you believe.
    1924 days ago
  • PUNKY100
    Pffffffft if no one else will ask, I will!!! Photos photos photos!!!! :-P

    I completely believe in coincidences, and this is full of them!! Maybe you were meant to have this feeling right when you started the BLC so you can confront them head-on so they never come back again.

    Good luck, and I hope you kick butt this week!!!!
    1924 days ago
  • ANDY_54
    You know, I read an article somewhere or a blog that had the idea that if you think you're heavy, you will be when you step on the scale. I wish I could find it for you. So maybe perception, in part, is reality...then again maybe it's just a blip one the scale and in the mirror--an off day of sorts? Sheesh, I'm so not helping here...but it seems like I've been in your shoes before and it evened out. Good luck this week!
    1924 days ago
    Kick that fattitude in the face, and give your workouts your all this week!
    1924 days ago
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