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Not Listening!

Friday, January 11, 2013

I have succeeded in some things, particularly those related to my health and physical abilities, because I am really not a very good listener. Or perhaps it is more like "selective hearing" as my mother calls it.

I didn't listen to the people who laughed at me when I said I was going to quit smoking nearly 7 years ago.

I didn't listen to the statistics 6 years ago that said most people that lose weight won't keep it off for a year, let alone 5 years.

I didn't listen when I was told that running a marathon was too much. I didn't listen 4 years ago and I ignored them again just over 2 years ago.

I didn't listen to the people who just rolled their eyes when I said I quit drinking over 2 years ago.

Over 1.5 years ago when I got this freaky chronic disease that for all intensive purposes acts like rheumatoid arthritis, I didn't listen to the doctors who thought I was faking.

And now I'm learning to ignore myself. I'm having to tune out the voices in my head that keep telling me this is it; that the arthritis is finally what has gotten the best of me. It's not the non-believers, the statisticians or the quacks that I need help ignoring this time around. I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to listening (or not listening) to other people. This time I need to tune out my own voice.

So, I haven't really, truly run in about a year and a half (getting chased by a coyote doesn't count). And I don't know exactly when I may run again. But I will, no matter what I think on those days when I can barely get done the stairs.

And I know this because I refuse to have it any other way. There is no other option.

Today, for the first time in nearly 2 years, I lifted dumbbells for upper body exercise. When I got sick, typing hurt my fingers and wrists. My wrists hurt so much, I couldn't chop vegetables, I couldn't use a can opener, heck, I couldn't even lift the stupid can of beans anyway. Don't even get me started on the evils of faucets. Buckling my seat belt caused a horrible amount of pain. I couldn't dress myself because my range of motion wasn't good enough. I spent many nights half asleep on the bathroom floor because I didn't want to have to take the long walk to the toilet in the middle of the night because it hurt so damn much. And all of this just 6 months after running a marathon.

So for me to be able to lift weights, and to lift heavy enough ones for long enough to get a decent workout, is huge. It tells me I'm getting better, a lot better. It tells me all these trips to the rheumatologist for infusions is working. It tells me that if I can get this far, then if I just wait for the right time and take care of myself, eventually I will run again.

Below is a picture of me and my dog relaxing. He is apparently pretty comfortable at home because he is just letting it all hang out.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Like a Phoenix from the ashes!

    1982 days ago
  • TIGGER622
    AMAZING progress!!! Well, not amazing really, I knew you'd be back!!! You look FABULOUS and I'm so glad you have mr jingles to keep you company, what a cutie!!! Hope you lifted some more weights over the weekend - I am getting back into it too - lets do this together!!! HUGS!
    1984 days ago

    So happy you are making good progress. You know, very few people win the lottery, but SOME people do. Just because "most" people don't / can't (fill in the blank) doesn't mean that YOU won't!

    1985 days ago
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