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Day 406- A Sad Realization

Friday, January 11, 2013

I'm not having a pity party at all, so please don't think I am.

But I've been cruising around SP looking at different pages, and I realized how many people have pics of themselves from years ago, looking great, as goals to get back to.

I've never been healthy.

I don't have any pics of myself at a size that I'm proud of.

It worried me because I think, those people knew how to be healthy once and somehow lost their way, but they can get back to that.

I know I've lost 90 pounds and that's great, but my minor slip up made me wonder if I truly know how to be healthy. I've never been it before in my young adult and adult life.

I don't know. Just my weird worried thoughts.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    967 days ago
    At every stage in your life, you become something you've never been before. A teenager, an adult, a wife, a mother, etc. Part of life is taking on the challenge of the new. You've embraced the change of becoming healthy. Now you are what you have chosen to be. You ARE healthy and will continue to be. You are an unbelievable inspiration. You can do this!
    1942 days ago
    emoticon Nope, Not Me. I was Never Thin or Healthy, nor did I really know anything about Exercise. I did know the Facts about Nutrition, but I don't think I ever really had a grasp of what "Normal" Portion Sizes were, or how many Calories were actually in a "Portion" that I was consuming.
    emoticon I have learned so MUCH from Spark People Articles and the other members. I think if you are Motivated and Willing to Commit, you WILL lose All the Weight you need to, AND You will have the Tools and Information you need to Maintain your Healthy Lifestyle.
    emoticon With SparkPeople's Help I have been at My Goal Weight for Over 2 Years.
    1956 days ago
    Jan-Marie...this is your "Motha" talking. I feel badly that you can't think of any pictures of yourself when you were growing up that weren't pretty. Of course I'm slightly biased, but I know that you were pretty & always have been. Think about it...when you reach your goal weight in the 140s, you will look back at your pictures taken in 2012 & think that you looked horrible...well maybe not horrible but you will be critical of them too. It seems that there are a lot of people that think that thin people are always healthy or to be skinny would solve the world's problems, or at least ours. I was pretty thin growing up & didn't put on weight till I hit my twenties in college. I am guilty as charged for not setting a good example...very little exercise on my part, I'm the one that brought the junk food into the house & took you to McDonald's. Thank God you played soccer (even though Goalies don't run as much).I am so proud of you & so thankful that you are in the process of turning your life around in your twenties instead of being a heavy Mom like I was...I very seldom took you or Farley anywhere that required me to exercise...just couldn't do it but more likely, because of my weight, I chose not to. I will never be 23 again & I will never have brown hair again (unless I pour a bottle on my head)...we can't go back...we can only go is all water under the bridge...nothing that we can change. What we CAN learn from our mistakes & make a decision daily to do what is necessary to be healthy...not what is skinny or makes us prettier...all of that falls in place & you are well on your way. I have always seen a beautiful girl, inside & out...but it thrills me that you found SparkPeople.Com...shared it with me & your Dad & are well on your way to being that YOU can raise your kids to be healthy & active & learn to make good food choices. I love you dearly & words can not even express how proud I am of the person you have become...Grandma & Grandpa are very proud too. I love you a bushel & a peck & a hug around the neck...

    MOM emoticon emoticon
    1956 days ago
    I know exactly how you feel. I have never been thin. I don't have any of those pics that others have. All the ones I have are of me overweight. When people say that nothing tastes as good as thin feels, I have a hard time believing that because I have never been thin in order to make that comparison. Not a pity party but a fact and like you, I have wondered if I really know how to be healthy. We will figure it out and then we will be able to help others in the same boat figure it out too!

    1957 days ago
    I know how you feel. Until a year ago I didn't have any of those pictures either. I had been overweight since age 10. I got down to a healthy weight and then between family stress, laziness, and health problems, I gained back 25 lbs (still down 40). I'm sure you will be able to reach that goal. Even those of us who have healthy puctures and are getting back to it have fallen off the wagon. That's life, we all have a lot to learn.
    1957 days ago
    My only "healthy weight" picture is from when I was a pre-teen after a battle with anorexia, and I was not healthy at all. Learning and applying healthy habits now means that we get to see the results of hard work for the very first time - and THAT is exciting! You get to discover something you've never been and that gives motivation to keep going and enjoy this journey we're on. emoticon
    1958 days ago
  • JENIYE_707
    Be very proud of yourself. You are doing awesome and you are a inspiring girl. I know u can do this.
    1958 days ago
    You are doing a great job!
    You are just beautiful!
    We have to live in the present. No matter what you did or did not do in the past, you can change and learn. emoticon

    You can do it now!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1958 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/11/2013 10:22:52 PM
    Please don't worry about it. You're doing great! And perfection isn't our goal.
    1958 days ago
    I've never been thin and healthy either so you are not alone. I come from a family of ice cream, M&M and other bad food lovers. You can do it!! You can change and be who you want to be, don't give up and know you aren't alone. You can do anything you set your mind to.
    1958 days ago
  • EUEK098
    I have to find pictures from my early teenage years, and those are in another country, so I don't have them either. Don't be scared of worrying, it's the worrying that'll keep you on track. Take it a moment at a time, and make the best choices and you'll be fine.
    1958 days ago
    I dunno about that. At your age, I was at a reasonable weight. But I ate junk, I had no muscles to speak of, and I had no base of habits to stay healthy. Several decades later, I had to learn the healthy habits to get back to a reasonable weight.

    But that's life. When I was in my early 20s, I ate whatever I wanted and never worried about weight. I got away with it until sometime in my 30s; then I didn't start figuring out how to correct it till I was 49.

    At least you're learning the healthy habits younger than I did.
    1958 days ago
    Just because you haven't done it before doesn't mean you can't.

    If that were true, people could never successfully raise kids, find a mate, get a job, run a half-marathon or any of the other wonderful things we do. I'm sure that you can (and will!) find your own way! Enjoy the journey and good luck to you! emoticon
    1958 days ago
    One thing that I have learned from this journey so far is to never compare myself o others. It gets exhausting! Everyone's journey is different. Yeah it may look like people are losing faster than you or are better at this than you but you don't know their story. This way of thinking has helped me a lot! I too do not have before pics that I can look at and want to go back to but that's ok! It does not mean that I'm not going to reach my goals. Hope this hlps emoticon
    1958 days ago
    You definitely know how to be healthy! You ARE healthy! My picks from long ago was because I was super active. I played sports for school and fun all the time. However I ate horribly. So when I wasn't being super active and still ate horribly of course I gained a ton of weight. I had no idea how many calories I ate back then had no idea how to work out correctly. i just was active 3 hours a day 6 days a week. You are so much more prepared now to be the healthy version of yourself than I know I was back then.

    Also remember this is YOUR journey. Never judge your success by someone else. If you are the smallest you have been as an adult be proud of that! that you were able to do that and had the knowledge, strength and determination to get there!!!

    emoticon emoticon
    1958 days ago
  • MILLIE5522
    Be in the present. Its all we have. The past has gone and the future is something we can aim for but in reality we are in the here and now. You are doing brilliantly and that is what matters. You Are doing it!!!
    1958 days ago
    I have older pictures... I lost weight when I was 19 and then I got it back because I lost it for the wrong reasons. The good thing about re-losing the weight is that now I can understand the difference.
    Your journey is a big surprise because you don't know how you are gonna look!

    I hope that I won't be harsh but I think that many people have combined skinny with happy; maybe because they felt happy during their "skinny period". That's why they want to be on the same weight.

    The important thing is to enjoy your journey and be very proud of each pound you lose, whether it's the first or the 100th time! You are doing something good for yourself and since it's the first time that you have come so far, it's one more reason to celebrate!

    1958 days ago
    I have one of those pictures, but I can tell you right now that at 135, I was nowhere near healthy. I was a pudgy kid from 4th - 7th grade (now realize I was emotionally eating due to childhood trauma), then lost all the weight in 8th grade when I moved to a new school. Being active in high school in 2 different sports helped keep it off, but my diet was nothing but cheeseburgers and piles of Southern food.

    The thing is, I still thought I was fat at that weight. I kept thinking "just 5 more pounds" and never thought I was pretty. I want to reach through that picture and give 17 year old me a good sound shaking for that.

    I ballooned back up in college because I did not learn the importance of diet and did not realize why I ate some much and so badly. Eventually depression came along with it.

    I don't use it as motivation to get back to that. I use it as motivation to be better. I could leg press about 250 lbs at that age, and I want to get to 300+ now. Age has put enough wear and tear on me that if I were to get to 135, I wouldn't look the same. But this will be better because I now know enough about myself to keep the weight off and more importantly love myself.

    You are learning to be healthy now, and no one is perfect when it comes to that. Just take the time to learn how to make that sustainable for life and really learn to love yourself no matter what size you are or what you ate. emoticon
    1958 days ago
  • SHELBY897
    Just because a picture looks "healthy", doesn't mean it is. I personally DON'T look at my skinny pictures from way back, because I was truly at my most unhealthy. I was suffering from bulimia, completely lost in my own world. I have gained over 100 lbs since then :(, but I WILL lose it and this time, in a healthy way.
    1958 days ago
    another thing - although I was super skinny as a teen (113 lbs at 5' 7"), I was 'skinny fat'. In other words, I'm much more muscular, much stronger, a much faster runner than I ever could have been as that skinny kid.

    no, I don't like the extra lbs. And I really don't like how much harder it is to drop them as I get older...but I would NOT go back to being "high school skinny" for anything!

    none of us females are totally happy with ourselves, are we? emoticon
    1958 days ago
    I completely relate there. The last time I was at "goal weight", I was 13! But you look beautiful in your picture. And remember that each person has their own journey. Maybe they are trying to get back to something they've lost. Or maybe we're trying to rediscover who we've always wanted to be. emoticon
    1958 days ago
    my new favorite quote:
    Forget your perfect offering
    There is a crack in everything
    That's how the light gets in.
    ~Leonard Cohen

    1958 days ago
    have been unhealthy all my life but am now on way to health just do it
    1958 days ago
    It sounds like you've gotten a lot of great feedback so far! I was smaller when I was younger and in high school... at least I can see that now! I didn't realize it at the time, so in a lot of ways I feel the same way. Even when I was thinner, I ate so much junk food but was really active and had a decent metabolism. I don't really have a time in my life I can refer to as being 'healthy' like I can with the past couple years. And I'm still not very healthy. I won't tell you how much chocolate I ate yesterday, but I'm embarrassed at myself for hoarding/hiding chocolate and eating too much more days than not. It's a lifelong battle for all of us. BUT, on the positive side, we're all learning together and we just have to keep plugging away to find things that work for us. Keep up the great work!
    1958 days ago
  • JENAE954
    Every day offers us promise of good health.
    This IS your time to shine.
    I had been sick for a lifetime and struggled with the scale as well.
    I don't think about the past.
    I am enjoying my journey toward a very healthy lifestyle now.
    Now is all that counts for me.
    I have never been this size before and feel better than I have ever felt.
    If I can do it, so can you.
    Your cup IS half full and not empty.
    Just enjoy the journey.
    1958 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/11/2013 12:56:44 PM
    Don't just assume that people who used to be thin naturally know how to eat and be healthy. I was one of those thin people....too thin actually. And I will admit, I've never been obese either and the reason I'm on SP is that I was heading that direction. I used to think I'd never have to worry about losing weight, counting calories, exercising, eating healthy, etc. because I was thin and never paid any attention to anything to do with weight loss. But then I got older and my lifestyle changed and my weight started rising, very rapidly. My wake-up call was when I had to purchase the largest size jeans in the misses section. I had never wanted or thought I would need to have to shop in plus size department and I was getting close.

    I read your worried that it seems like thin people already know how to be healthy and just need to go back to that. Well, I will tell you that I didn't know how to be healthy when I was thin. I ate junk food a lot in my younger years. Whether I was blessed with good genes or high metabolism or both, I definitely wasn't a healthy eater. Since I've been working on losing my weight, I've been learning A LOT about healthy eating along with everyone else and it's been an up and down process for me. I've learned that someone's size is definitely not always an indicator of their level of health. A friend of mine in college who was very tiny was told by her doctor after having a physical that she needed to overhaul her diet and start eating a lot healthier and start exercising. For someone who looked like she didn't have an ounce of fat on her body, she was not healthy. She never exercised and ate junk food all the time, she just didn't look it. It was a major learning process for her as well.

    And I must also add, I sometimes feel like people who've struggled with weight all their life know better how that feels and must have more experience and knowledge of what they need to do to get healthy, it's just finding the right combination and the willpower to get there. I feel like I'm a newbie trying to learn everything that others have probably known for years and others have a headstart on finding out what works and what doesn't. So, it goes to show whether you've always been overweight or was once thin and are now trying to lose, there are difficulties on both sides of the process.
    1958 days ago
    Sweetie, I want you to go do something right now: go take a picture of yourself!

    I know you're not to your ultimate goal (yet!), but you've come sooo far; use your 'now' photo as inspiration so if you slip again, that will become your 'get back to healthy' picture.

    Every time you're feeling good about yourself - new outfit, 5lbs lost, sweaty/intense workout, etc., take a picture!! You don't have to post them here if you're not comfortable with that, but trust me when I say the more photos you have of a healthier you, the more likely you'll be to celebrate your successes. And on those bad days, slip-ups, or whatever, you'll have a clear vision of what you'll be working back to. Also, they help to look at when the scale just won't move, but you *know* you're wokring your butt off - a photo provides a clear shot of the non-scale victories. (I have only a few photos on my SP page, but I take a pic of myself every month when I'm training - it's the only way to truly note the changes in my body - especially the non-scale changes!)

    1958 days ago
    I've always been overweight too. The pictures of me I'd like to "get back to" are from when I was a very young teenager. And even then, I was considered fat compared to my peers. You're making the changes you need to now - and at least now you understand why your habits are important. I have faith that you'll reach your goal and be successful in maintenance. All the best.
    1958 days ago
    You're not alone. I'm in the same boat fighting this fight. Find inspiration in others, but know that your journey is unique to YOU. You're doing the right things....just keep on swimming!
    1958 days ago
    Sometimes, knowing you are not alone with this feeling helps. And honey, you are not alone in this feeling. I have been over weight all my life as well. You are allowed to feel this way, but don't let it stop you from achieving your goals.

    1958 days ago
    I have been heavy all my life too. By the time I was in 6th grade I weighed over 300 pounds, so it's hard sometimes to see myself at a healthy weight. Then I think about the other side of the coin, where I stay the weigh I was when I started and the dr's words coming true, that I will not see my younger kids graduate or my grandkids grow up. I also think about not being able to serve God the way I want to. Those are my motivators. Just thought I would share
    1958 days ago
  • LJOYCE55
    I agree with DixieDoll87. Enjoy your past accomplishments, but realize that is simply the past. This site and your current efforts are all about NOW as well as the future. Keep up the good work -I mean WOW, 90 pounds!
    1958 days ago
    Don't worry about it. I do not have any of those younger pictures either. Everything I have is recent. I have never been small. I am now healthier than I was in high school. I was a competitive swimmer then. I feel it is more important that you like yourself more than liking the pics from the past. That is that past. You have the skills to remain healthy...but you are human therefore subject to the possibility of making a bad health choice. emoticon
    1958 days ago
    Lets be honest here... they may have pictures of themselves smaller, but were they really healthy at that time?

    For me, although I have pictures of my self with a smaller frame, I can tell you without a doubt that I was not healthy. I am more physically fit now than I have ever been (and i used to play soccer & cheerlead in hs, if that tells you anything), and yet I am also 30 or so pounds heavier than my "lightest." Yes, I'd LOVE to be smaller, but I would not trade that for all of the knowledge & strength that I have accumulated over the years. emoticon
    1958 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/11/2013 10:27:16 AM
    I am in the same boat. I haven't been at a healthy weight since I was a young child. I was far from healthy as well seeing as how I started putting on weight so young. In my mind it doesn't matter if I knew then or know now how to be healthy cause I DO know now and so do you.

    That's what learning is all about, learning and applying what your learned to your life NOW we can't change the past but you can move forward into a healthier future.

    I have what I call a "skinny stranger" somewhere inside me and one day I will meet her cause I have no idea what she will look like lol.

    Keep your head up you are doing a wonderful job and not only look but feel so much better and healthier!!
    1958 days ago
    I don't have those pictures to look at either. I use to let it get me down, but then I realized that instead of being an old version of myself, I get to create a new thinner me! Goodluck on your journey!
    1959 days ago
    The last time I was thin, I was definitely not healthy. And I'm such a compulsive eater. It's sooooooo easy for me to get off track. I was in a tailspin for over a month from christmas and nothing triggered it for me other than the holidays. And i found myself wondering if getting to a healthy weight was just a pipe dream. But I was able to get back on track and i feel totally focused again so i really think it is possible. I am gonna do this. We are NOT bound by our past. We may have to be vigilant but it can be done. I think the key is always learning, never thinking we've got it all figured out. I just watched an AWESOME documentary that snapped me back to reality. Its called Hungry for Change and its on Netflix instant. I guarantee you'll feel motivated and inspired after watching that.
    1959 days ago
  • WUBBY82
    Oh sweetheart, not all of us have photos of the person we want to get back to. I have never been thin, have never been in the healthy BMI range (still). I weighed 10lbs, 10.5oz at birth. I've always been a hefty girl.

    Many of us are just like you. I know I am. But I think it's sort of like learning to walk. Everyone has that first time they are ready for the first step. We weren't blessed with a crazy fast metabolism. I gain weight just by looking at pizza.

    What's nice is, we're not retraining ourselves to get back to the past, our glory days. We are training ourselves for the future. And I think that's even better. Something to be proud of, something worthy of praise.

    I know I'm proud of you.
    1959 days ago
  • DRKUHL2017
    Don't feel bad, I know exactly what you're going through. I also have never been at a healthy weight. I remember my lowest adult weight was 250 pounds. I was an over weight/obese child and that turned into an obese adult.
    Just know that you are not alone in this, and I'm sure there are plenty of others who know what you're going through.
    1959 days ago
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