Why I Want This!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

There is something to be said about trying to lose weight. I didn't really ever listen to that something, honestly. I never thought that I was going to get this fat. I thought that I would stay thin and not have to worry about my weight, not having friends, or a life to speak of. I thought that I would be the one that got it right.
Well... So much for that. Life came and smacked me right in the face. I was bullied, mocked, attacked, and openly rejected. All because of my weight.
I have no idea how people can be so upbeat about losing weight. Staying positive when all I want to do is sit in a corner and let myself go. That would be the easiest thing to do.
Then again, I want a life. I want something more than a size 24 jean and lonely empty package of chocolate chip cookies. Because in all honesty, I could down a whole bag in one sitting. I have done so, many times.
I love food. Its all I think about. I think about it while I am eating. I'm thinking about it right now. I eat because I am so desperately sad and I am so desperately sad because I am fat. Simple as that. Food doesn't say you're a loser, call you a cow, or make you cry. It fills something inside temporarily, then the guilt sets in.
I feel so much guilt about being fat. I don't even like to look in the mirror, it makes me sick. But then I fall off and eat whatever I see in front of me.
I don't know how to stay positive. So here it goes. Day one of the fat journey. I hate the saying "Second Chance." It irks me beyond anything. So, here is to a new start.
Maybe it will work this time around.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by JAYKAE