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Miracle and DH

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Truly a Miracle.

The past two days have been pure hell. My DH and I were barely talking I wasn't sure how he was feeling. He just seemed bugged and angry at me, and he even mentioned angry at himself in our brief conversation after I dropped the bomb on him that I am a raging alcoholic in the form of bulimia and have a serious ED. I was starting to seriously worry if our marriage was in danger. I was totally thinking that I should have just continued on with my ED and that it wasn't the right "time" to fix this.

Until about 5:30 this evening when I received this email from my husband:

Subject: All of This

I've done a lot of thinking the last 22 hours as well as a little reading/research about the disease and more specifically suggestions for what I can do to help you. I do want to help you and I want to be a support to you but it's all a little overwhelming right now. I love you so much and I just want for you to get better.

I need to tell you that I am incredibly sad and also angry. Just about the whole thing in general - I think in part because despite you saying you're not, several of the words and phrases you used made me feel as if I'm to blame. I feel this is important to let you know but it doesn't need to be discussed any further. I know you weren't intending your words that way and I am over that.

In my pondering I've come to realize that the best way I can help you is to first help myself. I can clearly see that I have been both an enabler and co-dependent. Neither of these makes me happy with myself. I am going to attend an al anon meeting this week and see what I think about that and go from there.

I am also going to focus on being healthy for me and the way I need to be healthy. I am working on how selfish that sounds but I know that you will being doing similarly for you. For me that means - I may be partaking in activities I find enjoyable that I have sometimes passed on. This will in no way effect the day in/day out operation of our household it just means instead of asking you if you want to go for a walk, bike ride, tennis, etc. I will just tell you that I am going. I will not extend an invitation to you but please know that YOU ARE ALWAYS welcome to invite yourself to join me. Again, this is not because I don't want you to go it's because I don't want to be told "no", or I'll go at such and such a time, or whatever. I also don't want to feel the responsibility of you going because you feel you have to - like I think tennis would have been last night.

Conversely I want to be a support to you - but that means I am SUPPORTING you. If you want me to go somewhere or do something you need to ask me specifically and have a plan. Please do not ask me if I want to go hang out and then ask me where - supporting you means supporting your plans (to me).

I love you and want you to get better. I know this is not easy for you and living the way you have been is not something you are "choosing". I think you will be more successful if you hook up with professionals that can help you with this, therapists, dieticians, doctors, whatever. You have tried to get past this on your own several times and, by your admission, it only works for awhile. I hope and pray that this will be the last fix.

We can do this, both separately and together.

That was the end of his email.

I am speechless. I have the best husband in the universe. I am so lucky. I was now crying happy tears with a heart full of peace and joy rather than sadness. Maybe there is hope and this IS worth it.

THANK YOU AGAIN Spark-FRIENDS you bring me a safe place to share my deepest thoughts.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    There is always hope glad yoy are seeing it in other now its time to see it in yourself because your dh is right you have to do it for yourself first emoticon
    1961 days ago
    You two are so cute together. I'm glad things are getting better and he is supportive. Good luck with getting the help you need- find strength in the Gospel, your husband, and within yourself :)
    1961 days ago
    1961 days ago
    This is so wonderful to read. It sounds like your husband really wants to support you.I hope someday I have the strength to be as honest with my own husband.
    1961 days ago
    I am so happy that things are working out for you!!

    I hope things continue to go well for you!!!

    1962 days ago
    How fortunate you are to have him. Good luck finding the help you need.
    1962 days ago
    Your DH is so articulate and able to express his emotions in such a concise way. He put a lot of thought into that email and truly loves you and wants to be a support. And the 2 of you are a very nice looking couple!
    1962 days ago
    Awww, your hubby is so handsome AND kind! :D

    I am unclear if he knew about your ED, or if this was something new to him? Regardless, either way, it sounds like he has been using the time to think through that awesome email he sent to you.

    I'm so glad you are getting support (and NOT co-dependance) from your hubby. I love that he went out of his way to make you feel reassured that he is there for you. What a winner!

    Also, thanks for all the goodies and nice comments on my page! Makes me feel awesome to see you popping in with such nice remarks!
    1962 days ago
    Your husband sounds an awful lot like mine. We are lucky people, just really lucky. And we are both worth the love that they shower on us. My hubby has been telling me for years that if I don't do something about my belly fat I am going to have a heart attack and he doesn't want that. At first it made me angry, but then I realized I was being block headed and that I am in charge of taking care of me. With this kind of love and support, you know we can overcome this. Your ED is serious. My issues with food are serious even if I don't binge/purge or have anorexia. You are an inspiration. Stay with SP, you will find lots and lots of support here too.

    Best wishes to you today. One day at a time......
    1962 days ago
    1962 days ago
    He is definitely a keeper. You're lucky he's on your team. Thanks for sharing. emoticon
    1962 days ago
    Thanks for sharing that with us. Your husband sounds like a fantastic man! With him as your support system I know you can conquer this! emoticon
    1962 days ago
  • DRB13_1
    when two are together, the joys are doubled and the sorrows halved
    now get to work emoticon emoticon
    1962 days ago
    Awesome!! And yes, still going to read. ;) Will be getting back to you before the weekend. Must take care of dental challenge. Sending you love and warmth! Keep hoping that good things will happen ... and they will. emoticon
    1962 days ago
    Sending emoticon
    There is always hope. emoticon

    1962 days ago
    1962 days ago
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