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"I touch myself"

Tuesday, January 08, 2013


I hope I got the song stuck in your head.


Last night I fulfilled my fitness requirements, did a few things around the house that needed attention and then took some ME time, something I am not always good at doing.

I read a book for a bit, and when it got late I took a bubble bath.
When I started lathering my calves with soap so that I could shave my legs, I was struck by how Firm the muscles were down there! I really enjoyed admiring my own shape as I finished the chore of hair removal. Then I went on a journey of self exploration. I lathered my hands with soap and started exploring my body. I assure you this is not meant to be a dirty post in spite of the tongue-in-cheek title.

As I ran my hands over my body I took note of many of the long term changes. My thighs, were still soft, there was visible cellulite. They still touch each other too much. But I was surprised that while they seem to have changed very little in appearance, I did indeed feel some toned muscle forming under the fat.
My belly is the worst of it all. I have always gained first and lost last around my middle. The lovely "after" picture I am so proud of and am currently using, does involve control top panty hose and careful body posturing. Still, as I slid my hands over it, massaging, and exploring, I was please to note that there was still far less of it than there used to be. Not really much abdominal muscle yet. I made a mental note to keep up with core training even when the January challenge is over.
My rump, a part that had never had much shape or substance, seems to have entirely lost it's squishy feel, and while not well rounded with muscle thereby turning into a shapely booty, was sporting more shape than it really ever has had.
The last part I explored was my arms themselves. They were sore since this night's workout had focused on them. I still have a little underhang, but not nearly the mass of wobbly flesh that had disturbed me one day while riding in a friend’s car. It was a nice day, we had the windows down and my arm was resting in the edge of the window. I remember looking at the side mirror and being horrified by the amount of loose flesh hanging from my upper arm. This was one of those motivation moments that made me realize that I had gained more than I realized and that something needed to change.

I was already aware that there were changes and progress. Last year the scale gave me trackable victories as did my clothing sizes.
The last several months have found me on a plateau. I have not really done much to get off it, I was mostly just trying to maintain, and happy to do so (sort of) since I usually gain alot in fall and early winter.
None the less it had been a long time since I had really gone on an exploration of change discovery. The assessment helped.

Of course I still want to scale to move. Don't we all?
In the mean time however I am pledging to stick to my new fitness regimen as best I can manage and try for patience. (oh I am bad at that)

I am a very firm believer in the power of exercise. It is really what has gotten me this far in the first place.
Changes have happened in my body and still are happening.
I need to wait. I need to keep at it.

If I do, my part, my body will do it's. Maybe not as rapidly as I could wish.
But as long as I keep moving, keep working, nature and the simple marvelous mechanics of the human body; will enact the changes I long for.

Yes I want to look good, weigh less, and feel pretty. Of course I do!

Still, I need to remember though that being healthy is my primary goal, not the number on the scale. Even if the "lil' bastard-on-the-bathroom-floor" (as COXBETH so eloquently phrased it) Never moves down again, I cannot help but be healthy if I keep treating my body correctly, by feeling it good fuel, and working it to efficiency.

As those of you that follow my blog know, yesterday I was feeling very low. I really did not entertain thoughts of quitting, but I was very frustrated and could not summon my motivation and positive attitude.

Today I feel better. I am pledging to keep plugging away at it and wait.
Hard Work.

Thank you to all of my Spark Friends for your continued support, and for taking this journey with me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG that is FUNNY!!!
    1925 days ago
    This is gonna sound weird....but I totally thought about you while I was shaving my legs last night.

    Yup. That sounds weird.
    1925 days ago
    I know what you mean! Sometimes you don't SEE the muscles, but FIND them when lathering in the shower. It's a great moment!
    1926 days ago
    Oh yeah, and thanks for getting that song stuck in my head. Now it's gonna have to be 80s playlist day at work.
    1927 days ago
    HORRAY! I emoticon this post! This is what I want in my life - honest assessments without a lot of judgement. When I read some of the blog posts on Spark, I feel like yelling through my computer to FORCE people to realize that happiness and contentment don't have to mean that you aren't moving forward...I think they are signs that you are making LEAPS AND BOUNDS forward!

    I guess I don't see much point in turning my psyche into a punching bag in order to live in a skinny body. I think an attitude like yours is what will really give me an end result I want to live with - a healthier body and a happier spirit.

    And that damn scale keeps beckoning me, but I keep remembering that I don't need it to tell me I'm doing a good job. My body is already telling me that I'm stronger and my spirit is much I'm continuing to ignore it's siren call...for now. :)
    1927 days ago
  • RUDITUDI2000
    Sounds like all your effort is indeed paying off. A bath sounds soo nice, good for you with me time! emoticon
    1927 days ago
  • APED7969
    I'm so happy to hear you liked those links. I can't tell you how many times I've reminded myself of that before and after pic of 155lbs. I used to be skeptical it was even real but now I am living proof it is :-) I love your positive attitude in this blog! emoticon
    1928 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    I'll admit, you had me going a little bit. I know we're supposed to be happy with ourselves, but I was like- I don't think we are supposed to blog about that kind of "happy with ourselves" That's my tongue and cheek response.
    Serious now. I get what you mean. Every once in a while I'll engage my core just to see if the six pack of muscle is still under there. Yes, it is, and that's more motivation than watching a scale. I would be happy to trade some scale weight for a show-it-off body. emoticon
    Lucky for us, as the body gets better, the scale will to.
    emoticon you're doing emoticon
    1928 days ago
  • STODD251
    I love this blog. You've expressed the kind of things that I don't ever dare to actually write in a blog. Also I am so glad you've taken the time to appreciate the changes that working out has made. I personally love when I reach up to grab something and brush my arm and realize, "Hey, that's muscle" I find it amazing when I can literally feel the changes in my body. It's how you know you are doing something good and changes are happening, regardless of what the stupid scale says.
    1928 days ago
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