New Year- New things- Bad Things

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Well yesterday was the five year anniversary of my boyfriend and my first date. Instead of celebrating we ended up fighting and breaking up. To give you the short version- I have a special needs child from another relationship and he creates a lot of frustration and stress for everyone. He was gone for two weeks at his biological father's and things were wonderful around the house. Apparently this was a realization for my boyfriend (now ex) that he can't cope with the demands of a special needs child. He realized that life can be enjoyable and stress free and that he didn't like the person he was (always angry and frustrated) when he was dealing with my son. So now we are trying to sort out logistics- moving out- telling my son- dividing up things- I am going to have to move to a smaller place that I can afford. So there is the added stress of that as well as dealing with my completely broken heart. He loves us and love him more then anyone I ever have but I also can't expect him to be miserable for another five years or the rest of his life. I am deeply saddened and scared for the future for me and my son- and of coarse there is not way I am going to lose weight or be able to work out now.
I was so renewed at the start of year and so excited for the future but now 7 days in I am devastated. I truly thought we would be together forever- but now it is over.
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    I am so so sorry. I emailed you before I read this. Call me if you need anything. You are a wonderful mother, and an amazing woman. He should have gotten the help he needed before he reached the breaking point. I'm sorry that he didn't. I went through this a few years ago, and my life now is so much better because of it, and the man I am with now loves and accepts my child just the way he is (and has patience beyond imagination) that my previous bf just did not have. If he cannot love you, and love your son the way you both deserve to be loved he does not deserve either of you. Make sure you are reaching out and getting the support you need during this time. And don't give up on working out. You can do things with your kiddo to get your heart pumping that will help alleviate some of this stress. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1953 days ago
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I don't really know what to say!! One idea that I had, as I've been pondering this for the last couple days, is see if you can find some exercise DVDs from the library that maybe your son could do with you! I'm not sure what he likes or if he even enjoys those kind of things, but being active together could help you two spend some quality time together, or even going out and playing a sport. I hope you can find some time to maybe fit in some of these activities :)
    1958 days ago
  • NIXXI321
    Wow. Yeah, that's sounds exactly like my brother. All I can say is that it does get better. Now that my brother is an adult his ADHD is managable. He doesn't even take medication anymore. Don't get me wrong. We still have rough days when he has an outburst but it's so far and few between. Most days now he's the biggest sweetheart you will ever meet. He's still attached to my mom's hip but he's like her second in command now. In fact, her health hasn't been so great the last few years. She's been in and out of the hospital and my brother was the one taking care of the house, helping her through her recovery and treatment. I mean my sister and I do what we can but I work full time and she's pregnant and lives in another state so it's tough. My brother turned out to be a bigger blessing than any of us could have guessed.
    1960 days ago
    I am sure there are people out there up to challenge- somedays I don't feel like I am and he is my son. He is high functioning autistic and ADHD- he has some other issues as well- including being abused by someone he trusted- which is another reason it breaks my heart that the person he considers his dad is leaving us.
    1960 days ago
  • NIXXI321
    I am so so sorry to hear about your troubles. I don't have a kid but I do have an autistic brother so I do understand that while you can love them dearly they can be a source of intense stress. The man I call my dad actually adopted my brother and I. We weren't his blood. We didn't have to be his problem. I'm sure a lot of guys would have found it to be too much just like your boyfriend did but there are men out there like my dad. Guys that are up to the challenge because they think that you and your son are worth it.

    I know you are sad right now and it's only right that you would mourn this relationship because it meant so much to you but I hope you don't give up hope. If not for your sake, for your son. He's not trying to bring you stress. In fact, if he's anything like my brother he is capable of more love and kindness than most people. He just gets frustrated or scared and he hasn't learned how to manage it yet. Growing up, whenever I just wanted to strangle my brother I forced myself to try and imagine being him. How hard everything would be. Having people give me polite smiles but have no real interest in being my friend just because I was born different. Or worse, being bullied even by teachers because they just don't know how to deal with a kid with Autism so they just sent him out of class. He was punished because the other kids picking on him was a distraction to the whole class...

    Sorry. It breaks my heart when I talk about it and makes me ramble.

    All I really wanted to say was that I'm sorry you are hurting but I really really hope that you find the strength to keep going. Love yourself and your son as much as you possibly can and maybe the rest will work itself out. Maybe all that love will attract someone better or show your ex just how much he gave up. emoticon
    1960 days ago
    Yeah I always thought we would be one of the few that make through- to defy those odds- guess I was wrong
    1960 days ago
  • ARW715
    That is devastating. I know it is really hard to have a special needs kid, we have one too. Our psychologist told us most parents break up over it. So sorry to hear about it.
    1960 days ago
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