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Tricky stuff

Saturday, January 05, 2013

I'm very negative. I've worked on this for a long time, but I don't think it will ever really change...LOL (no, seriously!)
Crazy, is the word. How did I get so screwed up?
How is not the matter, although it really is a great time suck. I just love pondering all the Hows, Whys, and What-Ifs, especially with a giant bag of Doritos and a pan of baked ziti.
What am I going to do about it? I still don't know and I'm 41...
I lost 11 pounds in the last month. Yup. Right through the holidays. I normally would have gained 25 or so. Do I see that success? No. All I see is the 2 pounds I gained over the last 2 days.
All I see is the wasted time, wasted life. I could have been young and thin, now I'm just old and sick. Even if I do lose, my body is ruined.
It didn't even cross my mind that I'd made it through the holidays and lost. Failure is all I see.
I've dipped below 300 pounds 3 times in the last month, and each time I immediately go into a binge.
What am I scared of? Why don't I want to succeed?
No. Wrong questions.
Right question: What can I do to trick my crazy ass into ignoring the BS and just keep moving forward...

I hate New Years goals. By March I can't even remember what they were.

1. Get back in touch with my body, as much as it grosses me out. Exercise more. Go back to the Y. Meditate. Whatever it takes to be more conscious of my physical self.

2. Try to plan as much as possible. Make sure there are easy ways to succeed. I am lazy and tired. I need to have things ready to go so I don't even have to think about what's for dinner or when I will find time to exercise.

3. Get back to school. Apply for financial aid this spring and sign up for 1 class. Really, it will be ok. Yes, you can take just 1 class. Yes, it will take forever to get a degree. Yes, as a woman over 50 it will be hard to get a job. Shut up and take 1 class.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry. I wish I had the answers. 5 months ago I may even have been arrogant enough to think that I now knew the anwers, but after regaining 60 of the 120 pounds I lost is painfully obvious that I don't. We've just got to keep going and if we fall now and again, get right back up and continue without beating ourselves up. Let's make 2013 OUR year, the year to fulfill our dreams and get healthier . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1963 days ago
    Hey, I think we all battle with our own personal "Negative Nellies" from time to time. Take small steps and focus on continuing to move forward even if you sometimes take a step or two back. You want to live with these changes you're making forever, right? That means you can't expect perfection. You just have to develop the will to keep picking yourself up and pushing on. Trust me, your work will not end once you reach your goal, so it's a great skill to have. I KNOW you can do it!
    1964 days ago
    It's not all rainbows and unicorns! I do the same thing... I get to a weight I'm super excited about and as a reward, I stuff my face into a pizza... WTH?!? What's important, though, is that you keep going. You can do this, you ARE doing this!
    1965 days ago
    Well, we can't all be positive ALL the time! I mean, come you really want to be around someone who is all bouncy and in your face with their rosey attitude? Well, maybe. But I am a lot like you. I have to make myself turn a negative into a positive and not dwell on it. I think 90% of the normal human species is like us. The other 10%? Well, they are probably rich and have personal trainers and chefs 24/7 so we won't talk about them. LOL.
    It's okay to be YOU! Small adjustments....they add up. Who knows, maybe one day WE will be in that 10%! Stay real! emoticon
    1965 days ago
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