Emotional Storm

Saturday, January 05, 2013

It's never been a secret to anybody - myself especially - that I'm an emotional eater. As I said in a recent blog post, I have an emotion, I eat! Well, today was no exception. I had a pretty decent day this morning. Nothing to major. I woke up early since I knew I had to work all night tonight. I spent some time on the computer poking around Spark's website and getting familiar with some of the tools I've never used before. I watched some TV, and finally got up and went to the grocery store. I was proud of my choices at the grocery store. I found baby spinach leaves in the bags - like the kind you get in the produce section next to the bags of pre-cut salad lettuces and all that - on sale for 99cents a bag. Woot!! I bought two bags, though I am still tempted to stop by again tomorrow and see if they have anymore still for 99 cents and buy those up as well. I really don't eat it fast enough to warrant buying more, so I probably won't, but I'm still tempted.

Anyway, I got home from the store and put everything away, still happy with my choices. Yes, I bought whole milk instead of 2% or fat free, but I'm just a whole milk girl. I always have been. Sorry. I don't think it will damage me too much, though, since I really don't drink much. I actually threw away half of a previous gallon because it was starting to sour. I use it in cereal and cooking and that's all really. That's not the point, though! lol I put all my groceries away, looking forward to making a smoothie later on with the yogurt, oats, and frozen fruits I bought. I'm still looking forward to that when I get home from work in the morning. :D

I went to bed to take a nap knowing I had to be up for work early in the day, so I crawled into my cocoon of a bed and wrapped up nice and tight. The dream I had was so weird!! I don't remember much about it except that the full moon in the sky was like cut in half and hanging open like a cracked nutshell. I asked my mom why, and she reminded me that the telescope was broken. Remember? Oh yeah. How could I forget that the telescope we all needed to see the moon was broken? The moon got worse as the dream progressed, and eventually it wasn't visible at all. That was when I was woken up by the ringing of the phone.

The details of the phone call aren't important, but the content of the call elicited a strong emotional response from me. I got upset and nervous and even a bit scared. I immediately felt the pang in myself to eat something. I wasn't hungry. I knew that for a fact. And yet, I craved food. The mental side of my body screamed for something to be put into my mouth! I didn't want to eat. I needed to relax and go back to sleep. But yeah... that wasn't going to happen yet. I couldn't shake the urge to eat something! It's that emotional eating rearing its ugly head again.

I was very proud of myself, though. Instead of getting up and finding Ramen noodles or a bologna sandwich with lots of bread and carbs, I opted for a small bowl of the newly acquired Honey Bunches of Oats. I even got out the measuring cups and measured exactly what the box said was one serving. 3/4 of a cup of cereal and 1/2 cup of milk. I stared at the bowl thinking how under normal circumstances, I would fill that bowl to the brim with cereal and add milk until the cereal threatened to float over the edge of the bowl. As I looked at what was considered a real portion size, I realized just how skewed my thought process really is. That little amount of cereal seemed so small and insignificant! I sighed unhappily, but took my bowl with my piddly little amount of cereal and milk and grabbed a spoon. Several bites later, as I lapped up the last of the milk in the bowl, a realization struck me. I wasn't craving any more than what I had eaten. If I had filled that bowl to the top like normal, I would have had at the very least three to four times the amount of a single serving. That cereal was 120 calories for one serving. Imagine 3-4 servings in one sitting. 360-480 calories right there just for a bowl full of cereal. That really just amazes me!!

I ended up getting a pizza delivered to my work tonight because I slept too late this afternoon and didn't have time to put something together at home. A 12 hour shift is a long time to go without anything to eat. :( I am really not happy with my choice, but I didn't want to go all night without food. I have tried really hard to take it easy, though. I haven't even finished the one slice I pulled out of the box. The cheese sticks really surprised me at the calorie count when I added them to my food tracker. I won't be getting cheese sticks ever again!! (Okay, I probably will cause let's face it, they're GOOD!! But I will definitely be more conscious of what I'm eating when I do get them!)) At least I work in a hotel that is usually quiet at night. As soon as I get through with my chores here, I can walk up and down the hallway for some extra exercise. That will at least help a little to work off those cheese sticks! Tomorrow, it's salad and smoothies all the way!! :D
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LIFETIME2013
    You are doing great. Facing what we eat is part of the victory. Can you pack some snacks when you get home from work for the next day. Make it easy to grab them?
    1963 days ago
  • LIFETIME2013
    You are doing great. Facing what we eat is part of the victory. Can you pack some snacks when you get home from work for the next day. Make it easy to grab them?
    1963 days ago
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