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Struggled for the last time - 2013 is the year of my success and that's a promise to little me. xox

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Ok so as I am typing this I am thinking about the exciting things I have to look forward to in 2013. Firstly, the day i have dreamed about since i was a wee girl is getting closer - our wedding day is less than 8 months a way and with 2 years of planning under the belt i still feel like there is so much to do and achieve before 3rd August 2013. This fills me with a little dread because of the amount of weight I have put on over the last few years. I am a lot heavier than I use to be and have struggled with my weight since I was 10 years old. However, I am hoping the confidence to lose weight will soon be here as I would love to look and feel my best on this important day - not just for me but for my family and friends also. As well as the wedding itself where I want to look like the princess of the Scottish castle that I am getting married in I am determined to look great on my hen weekend with the lovely ladies. The plan is to get into a little black dress - and hopefully a new and smaller one at that. Another positive event I have to look forward to is going to see Robbie Williams in June in Glasgow - this time I want to look like slim and trim at a gig and not like roly poly, so that I can get some photos to treasure of me and my best friend. There is also the wedding photos themselves which I hope I will look nice in as they sure do charge enough for wedding photos if nothing else!! So plenty to look forward to but the stress of planning everything and trying to fit everything in is a little bit of a struggle but I am determined that I want to attempt this as the wedding will be a once in a lifetime thing and I need to do it for ME. I struggle to get motivation at times and beat myself up a lot about my failures and the past which can lead to me overeating. I get stressed very easily which can also lead me to overeat. I reward myself when I do well with food. Lets be honest - any excuse - and I turn to food, and usually junk at that. I need to change my mindset and outlook on this otherwise this battle with my weight will never end and I will continue to struggle with the weight, self esteem and depression issues I have. As a result of the negative beliefs and attitudes I have had about myself for as long as I I can remember my health has suffered as well as the belief and confidence I have in myself. I would love to regain this confidence and be more the 'real and true me' that I wish I was and use to be before having a nervous breakdown. I use to love going to the gym and watching what I ate as well as wear little black dresses at any given opportunity - how much I would I love to achieve and feel that way again. I would love to be able to walk into a room, especially the grand hall at the castle where I am getting married and for people to look and say she has made herself and her family proud. I want to get in control of my issues and problems for once and not let them control, rule and at times ruin my life. I need to start believing in myself that I deserve to treat me, my body and I with the respect and love that it deserves instead of the constant negative thoughts and beliefs I hold about myself. I need to make myself proud by winning this battle I have struggled with for over 20 years since I was a child. I need to do it this time. I need to do it for me. I need to learn to love and respect myself and my body. This is the year it has got to happen as I don;t want my guests singing or thinking here come the bride, fifty foot wide as I walk down the aisle, all paranoid about the size of my bum and the horrendous flabby arms I currently have. I want to make myself feel special not just for the wedding day but for the rest of my days. I have beat myself up far too much and there is only so much a person can take before they crack - for me I need to accept the fact that I really do need to do something about my weight for my health and well-being. If I want to be a slim bride then the time to act is now otherwise it is too late. I am really proud of myself as phoned my local gym yesterday and booked 6 sessions with a Personal Trainer for the month of January - hopefully this will help kick start me into losing weight and getting my figure back as time is now running out. To be honest I am a bit apprehensive as I know I am going to get a serious work out and worried I will collapse in a heap - last time i used the personal trainer I was asleep on the sofa within 10 minutes of getting home from the gym. Ok it will be hard work but from somewhere I don't know where I hope to gain the hope, motivation and encouragement to help make me feel wonderful from this day forth. xox
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    We can do it! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and trip to see Robin Williams!
    1930 days ago
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    1930 days ago
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