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Friday, January 04, 2013

Eshara43 here.

I have decided not to let my depression beat me down because that is not me. I have been depressed for the past few months since my knee replacement. But I know that I should fight it. I did not know how until I was in contact with a great friend who has been there for me over the years. She told me that pain is starting to rule me and my life and if I want to fight it then to get up and do something about it and she is right.

I have let the pain I am feeling in my legs rule me and that is not going to happen anymore because I have asked my Doctor if I can get back into doing my fitness and Zumba so I can keep the weight off and to fight the pain and he has given me the okay to do so as long as I take it slow. I told him that doing my fitness and Zumba is a great way to tighten up the muscles around my new knee.

I am going to start tomorrow by doing 240 minutes of fitness and Zumba so that I can keep busy so my depression won't hit me so hard again. I was biting everyone's head off in my family and I know that I shouldn't do that but I told them when you can't do what you want and you have to sit on your butt all the time so that you won't hurt your knee then what are you suppose to do.

I WANT TO BE FREE OF PAIN AND MY DEPRESSION SO BADLY that I sit and cry because the depression is beating me down. I want to know what it is like to be able to live a healthy and happy life again because I have forgotten what that feels like and I know that if I want to be able to go for my walks again and think then I have to start by working out again so that in the Spring I will be able to walk 2 miles without stopping and to clear my head.

I want to be able to write some new poems as well so that I will be able to say I have a second book on the go. I need the motivation from my friends and family to keep going because I felt like giving up on my dream of reaching my goal of losing weight.

Help me stay motivated please. I need your help
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My prayers are with you. Don't let any outside forces define or dictate your attitude in life. As they say, what doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger. ;-) Then when things do get better, you'll be even stronger and happier. Keep the faith.
    1964 days ago

    I am inthe same boat - dark depression that kept me in bed and pain like crazy. And I slept for 2 and half years, and I can assure you that thoughts of ending it all danced through my brain more than once. And then after I quit smoking, I needed a distraction, so it because SparkPeople. Now I am exercising my tail off and after 6.5 months, I have finally walked 7 straight 5ks this week. One per day along with my weight training and cardio.

    I am pretty psyched with myself today, but the depression is still there. And I know the only thing I can control is what I put into my mouth and how hard I work to lose the weight. I cannot control the pain completely... that I have had to learn the hard way. I cannot control what damage is already done, but I can drink water to help replenish my body with what it needs so badly. I cannot control the deterioration, but I can keep moving so my body doesn't "lock up" like it did for the past 5 years.

    So I keep moving, even through the pain, and some days it is all I can do to get in my exercise, but I have lost 42 pounds and I am not stopping there! I have a beautifl spot picked out for myself in ONE-derland, and I am determined to get there!

    Hugs to you, my friend. Very gently hugs!
    1966 days ago
    Depression is not fun. I am glad to hear that you are willing to do something about it. I know that you can do it and I believe that you want to. So there is no stopping you. Just start slow like your doctor said and keep steady. I believe in you.
    emoticon emoticon

    1966 days ago
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