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Elastic limits

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Friday, January 04, 2013

Down the gym tonight, half hour workout and nearly as long under the shower. Blimey it is wonderful to have a shower when it's your first for two days and you are normally a two bath a day girl. To quote Queen Elizabeth the First as personified by Miranda Richardson I felt 'a bit SMELLLLY'. I doubt I was actually smelly, as I do know how to use a basin full of hot water, but the truth is there's nowt like scrubbing up proper, is there?

So, there I am damp and clean as a whistle, putting The Sports Bra back on. You've heard me on the subject before. Resistance bands? Who needs them. Just getting into a sports bra is as tough a workout as I can deal with. Guys, you don't know what you're missing.

This evening was in a class of its own. I was in a hurry getting dressed as it was five minutes to closing time and I managed to get a twist in the back of the bra and put it on without noticing till I realised that I couldn't move because of a constriction around the bottom of my cervical vertebrae. I certainly couldn't do the blighter up - it's a front loader and my technique for doing it up is to yank the edges of the zip together just under my chin, do it up, and then reach down the front of the bra where my cleavage OUGHT to be and pull the components of my cleavage up into the bra by force.

Is this TMI?

So, there I am, stuck. I identified the cause of the problem all right, cos I couldn't get the front edges to meet. However it's one thing to know you've tied your bra in knots round the back of your neck, and another to get out of it again. I had visions of going to the front desk like that to ask for help, it was so tight.

After a panicky ten seconds or so I managed to wriggle free, and collapsed, panting, against the door of the cubicle.

Do things like this happen to other people, or is it just me?

Here's the incomparable Miranda Richardson being Liz I. I couldn't find the 'a bit smellly' clip but I can guarantee this will gross you out if you guess what is actually in the wine bottle.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1934 days ago
    You had me in stiches. Too funny! An no, you are not alone.
    1934 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    At that point I would have thrown the bra in my bag, gotten the rest of my clothes on and buttoned up my coat, hoping no one would notice!

    I love Blackadder! Thanks for the laugh!
    1934 days ago
    It's not a sports bra for me, I can manage mine okay, but at times I wear one of those elastic shapewear tank tops that pull down over the top of my head all the way past my tummy to help control that insufferable muffin top. And yes I've gotten stuck, both in trying to get it on and off. Although embarrassing, thank goodness I have a husband who has rescued me on several occasions.
    1934 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Oh, how I relate! Thanks!
    1934 days ago
    I think I'll just skip over most of this one, and hit the "like" button on autopilot.
    1934 days ago
    That lil panic moment happens to me EVERY time I try on a sportsbra. It's amazing how a tight bra can, in the space of 10 seconds, make me relive my entire life and question all of my choices.
    1934 days ago
    Sports bras have their own special place-I do believe they have redesignated a circle of hell. If not, they should. Glad you got sorted out!
    1934 days ago
  • LOUISE3518
    Dear Dear Chantal.................... oh forgive me but I was laughing my head off... and giggling my myself silly. I was in that kind of mess... when I injuried my shoulder...and I tried to enclose myself in a sportsbra. Late for one home to help me... I almost injured the good shoulder...and then I traumatized my neck. DEAR GIRL....... still laughing ... more even at how you wrote this lastest adventure. YOU ARE ALWAYS ON ONE ADVENTURE OR ANOTHER. I'm so glad you are writing this blog to give us support...haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    aaaaaaaaaaaaaa Bless you.. and never forget...
    slow and sure like a turtle... and the only way a turtle can get ahead is by sticking out his neck. I really had a try at sticking out my neck... when I was stuck in that elastic sports bra. Bless you.... FOR NEVER FAILING to make me feel better, so much better who needs that snack. AND............... I love British humor. Ciao emoticon emoticon
    1934 days ago
    As always, your blogs are so descriptive. I hate it when I have to wrestle the girls into place. I swear some bras are alive and determined to cause discomfort and pain. emoticon
    1934 days ago
    Thank you so much! Both for the clip and your anecdote. Or it's more than an anecdote, I guess. My clothing strikes back all the time. I hear you!
    1934 days ago
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    1934 days ago
    Thank you for making me laugh (a rare occurence at the moment)!

    I can at identify with your bra struggles. As you say, it's worse when you've got damp skin, but it's also bad when your hands are numb with cold - as mine often are after running. There have been many times when I've been unable to do up bra hooks or even zips and buttons on my clothes and have just had to do the best I can, cover myself up with my coat and then wait until I've thawed out a bit before I can slip away to the loos (= 'restroom' or 'bathroom' for our US friends) to finish getting dressed.

    I'm glad you enjoyed the shower, though - a calorie-free pleasure!
    1934 days ago
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    1934 days ago
    Yah for the Blackadder reference! And there are few things tougher in this world than putting on a sportsbra when you are remotely damp.
    1934 days ago
    Happened once at the doctor's-how can you ask for help? Just have to try to get it off and back on right.
    1934 days ago
    Keep up the good work!!!

    1934 days ago
    That is one of those situations that you can laugh at once it is over but while it is happening it is pretty frightening. Glad eveything came out okay. Don't let it deter you from those loing hot showers at the gym.
    1934 days ago
    That is why I wear baggy bras!!!

    Who needs a tourniquet when a sadistic sports bra will do!?!

    Kinda like trying to yank on compression hose or tight blue jeans..


    The shower sounds wonderful! And how long until the boiler is fixed?


    1934 days ago
    havenĀ“t seen black adder for years love,thanks for sharing and i can just imagine your struggle in the dressing room lol. emoticon
    1934 days ago
    emoticon !!!!!
    1934 days ago
  • LIVEDAILY's amazing the odd things that can happen when one least expects them to. I've had the elastic snap on a bra...had to leave work. I just don't carry a SPARE bra in my bag. Flat tire....had a bird fly into my window. Had to pull over I was so upset....Car died while I was paying a toll...folks behind me, NOT happy. What is one to do?? I am glad you were able to right yourself properly. Oh...the way you put a bra on...I was taught, no matter whether its front hook or back you put it on, get the band situated, and then you rearrange the girls so that they're all nice and cozy.
    1934 days ago
    It's happened to me, and the tee shirt that is stuck up the back of my neck and which won't let go! Then what about the socks? Little instruments of torture they are.

    I bet you needed another shower after that.
    1934 days ago
    1934 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    No you are not the only one who as those problems damp skin and sports bras just don't mix well! While hilarious, the description is completely accurate and as equally frustrating! It is nice to know I have company in this world!
    1934 days ago
  • JACKIE542
    1934 days ago
    We sooooooo need an ROFL (rolling on floor laughing) emoticon!! I can't say that has ever happened to me. emoticon

    1934 days ago
  • LYNSEY723
    emoticon Great blog - the problem you incurred, not so great!! I'm glad you made it free!
    1934 days ago
  • TOPCAT93
    we are all weak
    1934 days ago
    I freakin' love Blackadder.

    "I may have the body of a week and feeble woman. But I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant."
    1934 days ago
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