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Help me help myself

Friday, January 04, 2013

In December 2010, my 20 year old brother was diagnosed with diabetes. My 31 year old brother already had diabetes, as did my mother.

I weighed 335 lbs and the most exercise I got was a mile walk with a baby on my back. Frequent GTTs during pregnancies had showed my blood sugar was excellent, and my blood pressure was usually under 100/65, but I was a ticking time bomb. Not to mention that I took up two seats on the Metro, bumped into walls, had no lap to speak of, and had trouble finding clothing even at Lane Bryant.

About two weeks after getting that news I started calorie counting and took to jogging in place while doing housework. A month later, my firm moved to a new office with a gym and I started using the gym 3 times a week. By early March my weight was down to 300 lbs -- and I was pregnant with my fourth child.

I lost another 15 lbs during the first few months of pregnancy (eating well, exercising well, with medical support) and then maintained until I gave birth. After the birth I was down to 270 or so.

And then I went to pieces. I don't know why. Maybe it started when I was on an extremely restrictive diet to identify my baby's intolerances (soy and legumes). Maybe it was the sleep deprivation. Six months after my baby was born, I weighed 295 lbs. Seven months later, I finally stepped back on a scale and I weighed 315. That's probably an inflated number, as I stepped on in desperation in the evening after a weekend of no sleep and much sugar, but that's okay -- this way I'll get some immediate good news next Monday when I weigh again. There's nothing like quick success for reinforcement of good behavior.

That number is not the only reason I am back here. In fact, I stepped on the scale knowing I was coming back -- that was the first step. The real reason I am back is that my weight is only a symptom of a life out of control. I am in close to the worst shape of my adult life -- I cannot jog more than a block. I lose my temper with my kids on a regular basis. I could not look at a bag of candy without eating it -- the whole thing. I can binge even on healthy food -- I would cook 2 cups of sushi rice planning to make dinner for the family and then eat the whole pot rolled up in nori with avocado and cucumber. Healthy, right? Not at that volume!

So my main goal is control. Self control.

And I need accountability. I need to post at least every week and I need people to be reading my posts -- and holding me to account when I fail.

Since Monday is my weigh in day, I will also make it my goal-posting day.

Will you help me?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • *MAMA*2*BOYS*
    emoticon I needed the same thing when I first started out. It made me feel accountable for my actions to know that every single week I was going to be posting my weight, regardless of whether it had gone up or down, and if there were any slips, (potentially) a whole lot of people were going to know about it! Over Christmas-time, I missed 2 weigh-ins and didn't confess my "sins" on SP... the result: I lost a little less than 5 pounds in December instead of the 10+ that was my goal.

    I would encourage you to track EVERY SINGLE THING you eat! I weigh and measure my portions and track my calories with SP, and if it weren't for that, I don't think I would have had success in losing weight. It is too easy to say, "This is about a serving," when in fact it is closer to 2 servings. Calories add up quickly, so a taste here, and a bite there really can throw you completely off. And if you're anything like me, failure to lose weight consistently makes it much more difficult to stick on plan.

    You CAN do this!
    1962 days ago
    Thank you!

    I agree with the reasonable goals. Tracking my food, though, is not a good idea for me right now. I have a strong tendency to go overboard when I start tracking -- overestimating my serving sizes, pushing for the lowest possible numbers, and then burning out.

    Tracking will be an important part of this process, but I want to spend at least a few weeks getting back in touch with my instincts first. This week my goals were to have an abundance of healthy food available (harder than it sounds when I'm prepping food for a household of seven) and start moving again. I expect they will stay the same next week and possibly the week after as well.
    1962 days ago
    Sure, I am here... Start with reasonable goals, okay. Just track everything for a week and see what is really going on. Best of luck. I am friending you so I can keep in touch. YOu can do this this year.
    1962 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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