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Random Random, Happy New Year

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Dear Sparkians,
I am back, hopefully to blog more frequently but that’s not the point here,
First of all I wanna tell u, happy New Year all, wishing you a splendid year full of success, happiness, and laughter, motivation, achievements and LOVE.
Hope you learnt one thing or two from 2012, and moving forward from all the negative and struggles and taking pride in all your awesome, mind blowing, extremely motivated successes either SV or NSV. God bless you all.
I have been MIA for almost 2 month, I won’t talk much abt it, let’s just say weight wise, it is maintained, I didn’t go crazy, yep some unhealthy food involved, and the working out was kinda absent, but I maintained, not happy at all abt those two month, but I am learning a lot about myself, I am not perfect, far from it.
I can give in, not because of stress or work or family or friends, coz I have been in much more stress, I have had more to worry about yet was maintaining my good healthy mind set, of eating n exercising well, but this time,it is mentally a kind of giving up or just my mind n body , kinda broke down, I hated it, but come on, didn’t I need a break , was I putting too much for too long as pressure on them ?? I don’t know, for the time being , let’s settle with that solution to give myself the closure and try to move on.
So I quit my job 2 weeks ago, it was the end of my 1 month notice, during Jan I will go back just 2 days per week and one day from home.
I believe quitting was a very much needed step that I needed to take, I hated the traffic, hated that there is no training or career path opportunities, thou a very needed experience, and having the best boss in the world was the only reason I stayed till now, but it’s time to start focusing on my list,, find new challenges, focus on what I really wanna do in life or find a job that I am sooo passionate about that I can’t wait to wake up to start my day. And please enough with the talk you are still young you should have more work experience to find your passion, well news alert, I only live once, I will try finding this passion now, die trying at least. Yes things are scary, very scary indeed, I don’t know what the future holds, and things are not stable with the economy and all, but I do believe amazing awesome things are yet to come.
I am trying so hard to have a good +ve attitude abt everything, coz I noticed lately I am having a lot of insecurities and fears, it is not appearent to ppl, coz I am always seen as a confident person with great self esteem and good self image.
But recently I noticed my mind was filtrated with some –ve thoughts, I was looking to some very recent pictures with friends, and yes the word that did pop into my mind was Huge, I felt huge, well mayb that’s due to the fact that I was in a picture with really petite girls , but non the less, I felt really bad, n I felt fear, this fear n insecurity that crawls under your skin, fear that I might gain the weight, fear that my goals or motivation were lost. I KNOW this is SOOO STUPID AND SILLY AND TOTALLY BLA BLA BLA but occasionally stupid thoughts like those can pass by our minds.
My other concern now is the question to which we all should try to answer, how do we know we r good or at least good enough, how are we supposed to know we r good to others around you, not being selfish or damn it!!! Sometimes its ok being selfish, coz sometimes ppl need attention, to actually say to them they r luved, to hug them , look them in the eye n say just tell them how much you are blessed to have them in your life, n how much u need them. Again human relationships, crazy and as simple as they should be, sometimes we miss the most important things to say , sigh
I don’t know why I am writing all this, its 8Am and I am awake since 3am , its gonna b a long day I believe, lets just hope for the best.
I wanna talk about how I believe my final 10 days of 2012 were seriously blessed, n I wanna talk about 2012 in general and I am not a fan of new years resolutions, but I would like to talk about some general goals in 2013 that I would like to work hard to achieve, some r from the life list, Hint coaching certificate paid :))
But to tired now, will leave this to next blog,
Sorry I didn’t say it lately, but you all mean a lot to me, I really am proud of every small step you take, you are such an amazing community, my next step is keep writing, and don’t stop , xoxo
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