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Keep forgetting...

Thursday, January 03, 2013

When I started to go to AA meetings I was instantly relieved for drinking and that was great although I never understood how it worked. It just did. WHat I had not expected was that I would also start to feel better on a daily basis. Again, had no idea how that worked just experienced that when I was attending meetings regularly, my mood was most of the time optimistic and calm.
And when I have stopped go to meetings for some reasons – other bookings, short of time, did not think it was that important – the first thing that happens is that I get a little uneasy. I feel low, I start to think "hopeless" thoughts and life does not seem exiting or meaningful at all. When I attend a meeting these negative feelings immediately goes away and I am back in an almost serenity...
So I have been becoming more and more low during christmas – but did not at all connect that to the fact that I have been sloppy with meetings. Did not want to spend the extra gas money for going to town when I was not working, had other plans, got short of time... I did not go at all for two weeks, did get an Acoa-meeting in, but no AA.

Until yesterday when I forced myself to (although I did think about not going up until the last minute because I was running out of time)

And the magic worked again – I felt a lot better and today I am again optimistic and feeling good about myself and the world.

It is rally odd that I keep forgetting this. Maybe because it is not scientifically proved, and that I can´t see a clear connection between the two. I don´t enjoy all meetings that much, there are people I have a hard time to stand, there are stupid things said...but nevertheless, I always feel better and more optimistic afterwards..

So I felt good yesterday - but I had a very disturbing dream tonight. Last summer a friend wanted me to take her to AA and I did. She stayed sober for a month or so and then got back to drinking. During the month she was sober we met a lot, me taking her to meetings and her seeking contact. But after she started drinking again we have not met that much, last time was at her big sisters funeral, in late october... and I dreamed that I met her and she was accusing me of being "Too much" preaching soberness and pointing out to her that she needed to give up drinking... very unpleasant and I wonder why I had that dream... I have been studying dreaminterpretation and know that my dreams are my subconscious work with problems that occupies is just that I don´t know what this is...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog. Thank you. I think that indeed it's a part of you that is reluctant that is trying to keep you from doing what is good for you and what brings you peace.
    When more than two people are together to meditate / pray it's often said that the prayer or meditation gets stronger and more effective. So maybe that's the peace that you experience and take home with you. a
    1991 days ago
    it is great that you keep going to meetings. if it works..keep it up!

    1991 days ago
    Some interesting ideas there, Meddy - considering AA, I wonder if part of the good feelings you get from the meetings are because you are with people who share much of what you've gone through. It's that incredibly strong support group, maybe, since you can relax and not feel as though you have to behave differently. Dunno, but - what you've said is thought-provoking, definitely...
    1991 days ago
    Your post just reminded me that today is my local Overeaters Anonymous meeting and I should try to get to it! Thank you!

    I am religious so I believe disturbing dreams are sent by the devil or demons to discourage us. Just my two cents worth! Don't let the dream discourage you with your friend!
    1991 days ago
    Have you ever thought to create a happy note book. In it all you write are the positive for the day. I've done that and guess what I focus more on the positives. Frankly, there is peace just looking at the it's cover knowing what's in there. I call them my "WIN's" It might be a good place to write and remember why you need your meetings.
    emoticon emoticon
    1991 days ago
    I understand about the meetings; they are worth the time spent! The dream? Not sure. Are you needing to reach out to that friend yet again, without judgement? Your sobriety comes first then AA by attraction, not promotion. Stay well.
    1991 days ago
  • GINNJEN1974
    Keep going with the meetings. They seem to bring you calm and great feelings. As for the dream perhaps your friend is still in need and even though it seems like preaching to her it is only in her best interest.
    1991 days ago
    I think the dream is processing what you already know - you get peace from the meetings and a sense of purpose. Your friend in the dream is the reluctant side of you and what you fear. Heh. You're doing a great job.
    1991 days ago
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