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****trust me - THIS is why you should lose the weight: what no one wants to talk about****

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Wednesday, January 02, 2013

I was having a discussion with my best friend last night. She and I have been friends since 5 yrs old. She was always the girl that everyone wanted to be, even me. The captain of our cheer team and the lust of every popular guy. Now that we are 29, and she has had 2 kids and life has happened, she has found herself at 220lbs on a 5'2" frame. She was telling me last night that she seriously wants to change. She NEEDS to change (from her mouth). Because we are besties I got extremely candid about the difference between my life after losing weight. You are about to enter TMI ZONE so if you are easily offended emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

1. When you are heavy, you are limited to ONE to TWO sexual positions and girl on top is NOT one of them! We both expressed how tiring and hard it is to be on top and yet, that is what our men AND us would probably prefer and it just can't happen when you are trying to balance dang near 300 lbs on a set of week quads. It is like being on the worst elliptical ever the way your heart starts racing and I just wasn't willing to die. So I spent a many a night on my back trying to make the most of it. And God forbid he try to put my legs up, OH NO! That just pushed my belly fat into my chest and made it hard to breathe. Losing just 20 lbs makes such a huge difference in this department.

2. Chivalry is suddenly resurrected. You ever hear the saying, "Chilvary is dead"? Well it gets a boost of life support once you get to "normal" weight. And this doesn't pertain to your significant other, it is mostly directed towards strangers. Before I lost weight, men would just allow the door to close in my face if I was walking into a store or business after them. It was almost like I was invisible. I would say hello as I passed and get nothing back in return. Nowadays, I have had strangers (even women) wait to hold my door open. Basically, we are at a safe enough distance apart that I would not expect for you to hold the door open for me. However, time and time again, people not only hold my door, but they give me a smile and ask me how I am doing. Definitely didn't experience that at 272 lbs.

3. You get regular customer service. I don't know if any of you ever experienced this but if I ever entered a clothing store that was not for plus-sized folks, the little teeny-tiny sales associate would run up to me immediately, as if I was lost, and asked if I needed help. The look of concern they gave was really saying, "Do you know where you are at? We don't have anything for you here." I have even had them come flat out and ask me if I was shopping for a gift. And the OUTSTANDING customer service they provided just drew attention to the big girl in the little girl store and made me uncomfortable. Now I can go into a regular store and get ignored like everyone else! emoticon

4. Regular menstrual cycles. While it sucks to have your life-line seeping from you each month, it is necessary. When I was at my heaviest, I would have a period every 3 months. While it sounds good, it was nerve wrecking! I was always having pregnancy scares and when my cycle did come, it was like someone hack-sawing into my diaphram. Not cool. Having a period every month means more manageable cramps and no babies.

5. Cleaner panties. emoticon Yeah I said it. No one wants to admit it but the heavier you get, the more discharge you have. It is like the little dark secret but I always felt damp. I never felt completely clean. I changed underwear before bed so I would be fresh. Now, I don't care. My vaginal health is so much better and my panties are a lot less worn.

6. Since we are talking bodily functions and all things inappropriate, we might as well talk about body odor. Breath. Sweat. All of those things are just a little more pronounced when you are heavy. And 99% of us go to great lengths to make sure we are always fresh, clean and smelling good. But no matter how much you bathe, you can't stop the fact that we sweat for no good reason. That sweat sits in parts of our flesh that are not getting air, like under the boobs, the inner thighs, and it creates mildew. I actually was told by my dermatologist that the brown flecks around my bra line was mold. MOLD WAS GROWING ON MY BODY. You can't make this stuff up. You can get yeast infections anywhere people and it happens when you are obese. It happened to me. The good news is that it cleared up once I dropped about 15 pounds.

6. Ladies, you can wear less makeup. Now for some of you , this isn't an issue anyway. But so many of us big girls tried to hide our fat behind MAC Cosmetics and everything else Sephora could sell. We did it to prove to those who weren't heavy that we are not slobs, and that we too care about our appearance. We sure know how to pack it on ladies! I think I may have been the biggest culprit I knew. Once I started watching what I put in my mouth and drinking more water, my skin began to clear up and actually glow. I no longer needed highlighter and full coverage foundation. As my face thinned out, I began to recognize my bone structure. I discovered I looked a lot better with less. The funny thing is that we probably all look better with less whether heavy or not and we just don't realize our natural beauty.

Now losing a ton of weight also comes with some shocking side effects. I assumed that once I lost weight, I would have the body of Gisele Budchken IMMEDIATELY. Not so much.
What I did get was

1. A cheering squad. No, not literally, but if I jump high enough or move my arms fast enough, you will hear all the lose skin clapping against each other and it sounds like a Live studio audience!

2. Ugly feet. When I was heavy and lazy, I had one corn on one toe. I now have blistersm bunions and calluses on every inch of my feet. Before I was sedentary. Now, I have put so many miles on these poor little feet that it looks like I have traveled this entire weight loss journey barefoot! Whether you run, Zumba, or strength train, you will come to realize the importance of high quality, well-fit shoes.

3. Haters. Oh yeah. You thought you had haters before, well you ain't seen nothing yet! People love to steal your shine and baby, now you are sparkling! You went from being the guy or gal that everyone could rely on for a funny joke, or perhaps you were always in the "Friend Zone". Now you pose a threat because you look damn good! So the fair-weather friends give you half-compliments with a smirk on their face. Or you stop being invited to just hangout. Your success is making the insecure uncomfortable. However, your true supporters become even more clear and while your freind base may shrink, it is stronger than ever.

I still have a ways to go on my journey - 32 lbs until maintenance. But when I started this roller coaster ride, I never would have fathomed the way losing weight affected so many other aspects of my life. If you are just beginning or maybe you are losing your spark, just now it is worth it to stick it out. So many other areas of your life will change and it will be worth all the dark moments that you have to traverse to get there.

Good Luck Sparkies!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JENNIFER9907
    1933 days ago
    I don't agree with everything in your blog but I do appreciate your honesty and bravery!
    1933 days ago
    Brutally honest and dead-on accurate. Excellent blog. You have a flair for creative writing. Please continue!
    1933 days ago
    Amazing blog! And everything I have been through too. Great read!
    1933 days ago
    You've done a service to the obese crowd in a way that no one else has.
    1933 days ago
  • SHELBY897
    Agree with all of them - the good, the bad and the eww... I find that in public, being overweight, it's like I don't exist. Probably partially internalized but partially customer service/people in general.

    I, as you, look forward to the day I am just one of the crowd again but also will always hold a bit of resentment toward those who chose to treat overweight members of society as if they are not worthy of respect.

    And, as far as #1 goes - I'm sure my husband will be thankful - lol!!
    1933 days ago
    Love it...thanks for your honesty and your sense of humor!!!
    1933 days ago
    WARNING- do not read this blog while eating- I was laughing so hard I was choking on my pear emoticon

    Wonderful blog, full of honesty- thank you for sharing:)
    1933 days ago
    Thank you for your honesty and motivation! You already look great!
    1933 days ago
    Oh my gosh! Thank you for this post! It is so comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling the "side effects" of being heavy! I loved your post and loved the after effects as well! Keep up the good work and I hope you reach your goal!!! emoticon
    1933 days ago
  • BEATRIZ269
    Very funny Blog with very true sentiments. Thank you for sharing. I am a fan.

    emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    #1 made me laugh, I was thinking to myself, well, it's good exercise and I've never really minded, I like it, but from your post, I guess it might have the chance to get better as I lose weight, no girl should be confined to lying on her back! Bah! Haha.

    #2 is sometimes true, sometimes not; I find that good people do not care about weight, if a person slams the door in my face when I'm 300 pounds and holds it open for me when Im 150 pounds, that is not really a person I'd care to know anyway.

    #3, cant dispute this one!!!

    #4, being heavy never affected my cycle. I guess this is a blessing for me!

    #5, I cant really comment here; I've been heavy since puberty, I dont find this to be a problem, but I guess everyone is different and it is probably a big issues when a girl is overweight.

    HEY, there are two 6's! :)

    #6, shower, shave.. two important things to make sure that we smell good

    #6, I never wore makeup, I never found the use, I've always been a girly-girl but makeup never seemed like something that appealed to me. I think because of this, I have never had a problem with breaking out (which both my sisters and brothers have had). I never put soup on my face, only hot water when I shower.

    I find that sour people will find something to gripe about and be rude about no matter if your fat, thin, beautiful or not so beautiful. People hate because they are insecure about themselves and I've decided those people can be as ugly to me as they want, they dont affect my life.

    Great post!!!
    1933 days ago
    great blog loved it funny but so true lol emoticon
    1933 days ago
  • SMURPH99
    Excellent! I have always believed that while health is a great reason to lose weight, vanity can be far more motivational. That state of invisibility that you describe is absolutely real. Ironic in a society which is almost 70% overweight, isn't it? But my experience has been that when I am at a healthy weight and toned, I get more respect.
    1933 days ago
    Oh the truths you speak!! (I had the most embarrassing moment last weekend attempting to explain to my husband just why I can only do two different positions during sex and why I can barely participate. He just doesn't get it. *sigh* )

    So yes - this post? The most awesomely motivating post today!
    1933 days ago
    Kinda funny...kinda not so fun...but oh SO TRUE.
    Might I share...
    The confidence that comes from the inside out...from in your own head space. Big women ARE ATTRACTIVE...but there is a genuine different level of confidence that RADIATES when a person TRULY feels good about themselves.
    Simply PRICELESS.

    Ride 'em trim COWGIRL! Front, back, side to side and every whichaway.
    MINUS the huff puff and embarrassment of feeling like you look like a fool, all the flapping of body parts clapping.

    All the negative secret THOUGHTS diminish. The negative voices begin to QUIET...and what you begin to hear is your own cheering squad.
    You did a good job.
    WOW! Look at you...and the reel REPEATS.

    Keep sparkin.
    Nothing like the blunt honest only it can set us FREE.
    1933 days ago
    Very funny and very true.. Looking forward to losing weight, and losing some of these issues!!!! :-)

    1933 days ago
  • BIGDOG18
    1933 days ago
    Ok so from reading your blog and seeing more than a few people agree to this I am quite disturbed. Lets start with the first point, I have reached my highest point of weight at 338 pounds, which I'm not happy about but it is what it is. At no time has my sex life with my husband been decreased down to 2 sexual positions. If that was the case I probably would have lost weight a long time ago considering how much I enjoy it. As far as chivalry and customer service I have no idea where you live but I feel that you get back from people what you give. Men open doors for me all the time matter of fact just this morning at 7-11 and he did it with a smile and said good morning. Customer Service I find that as long as you are pleasant you will get taken care of. I believe this even more because It's part of my job. Vaginal health, I've always been overweight and have always gotten my period every 28 days and if you are having that much vaginal discharge especially with an odor. That with the 3 month period delay seems to be more of a medical issue. Granted overweight people can't take bird baths, we must spend the time to clean every nook and cranny and not skip the deodorant. Make up I only wear if I'm going out. During the week I don't wear any makeup but some lip gloss and a little eyeliner. All that foundation clogs your pores and gives you bad skin. Fortunately, I can say that my overweight experience is not as detrimental as your blog posts. I've just gotten to the point where I realize my numbers are just too high and I want to live as long as I possibly can, so here I am.
    1933 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/4/2013 12:28:53 PM
    Nice to read the facts! Keep Up The Good Work! ! !
    1933 days ago
    May the truth be told, and you spoke it well. Thank you for your honesty and getting down to the nitty gritty.That's what we needed.I will be printing this off and saving it for my inspiration letter. emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Thank you for this post!!
    1933 days ago
    This is GREAT! Thanx for having the couage to tell it like it it.
    I might add that you need to be a contortionist to wipe your butt or cut your toe nails and who ever heard of an obese contortionist. I have broken 2 toilet seats so far and poked holes in more than a couple pairs of socks. emoticon

    @ 5'2" & 216 I couldn't agree with your friend more. We HAVE to lose weight.
    I'm ready to deal with the side effects of weighing less :)

    1933 days ago
    4. chaffing hurts like heck!
    5. panty hose. Need I say more?
    6. $$$. big clothes cost more and wear faster.
    7. Lets not even go into the health department (pcos, depression, diabetes, etc.)
    8. speaking of regular periods... ever heard of a "flood"? No? You don't want to. Lets just say major immediate issue involving showering and laundry and hope to G-- it happens when you are at home, alone, and not on a light colored couch. Usually occures when one does NOT have a regular period.
    9. birth control. Did you know that ideally all medicate should be geared towards a person's weight? Did you know medicate is less effective for people who are larger than the "average" person the medication dose is for? Let me put it this way... I was on 4 types of birth control one after the other and ovalated on all 4.
    1933 days ago
    Good on you for being so candid! I think so many folks will benefit reading this blog. It should be blog of the month!
    1933 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Sing it sista.

    I'm at my heaviest now (192). I've seen 8 out of 10 issues you've posted.

    My wrath is coming and in 3 months - I should be singing a different tune!

    Thanks for the blog - it was A W E S O M E.
    1933 days ago
    Dang, where do you live?? I've never felt like I was treated differently because I was a bigger girl--i mean out in public by customer service at stores or restaurants. From the South though so I guess it might depend on geography and the culture of the place.
    Good blog post though. It's nice to see some honesty about reasons for wanting to lose weight. I mean of course people want to lose weight for themselves--but for me there's definitely the bonus of a truer reflection of what I feel is inside of me--on the outside when I'm at a better weight. More confidence, more belief that I am totally beautiful--not just inside...and not gonna lie--even though my husband thinks I'm beautiful and I know it some of my motivation lies in making him drool a little ;).
    1933 days ago
    Every. Single. One. I have all of those BEFORES. Some I thought it was just me and I was a gross human being no matter what I did. Thank you so much for this.
    1933 days ago
    OMGosh!! Wonderful! The sweat part, especially under that overhanging belly fat, hilarious!! I love you for this, please be my friend.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Well said!! Now that it is the new year we all need to get thhat kick in the pants this gives us and get and get going. Thank you
    1933 days ago
  • TERRIH8118
    emoticon How true it is. Very inspiring.
    1933 days ago
    emoticon you are awesome!!! I love this!!
    1933 days ago
    Great blog , the truth can hurt or inspire !!! Thanks for sharing !!
    1933 days ago
  • NALA0672
    Great post! Thank you for saying all the things that no one ever says and I felt along about. emoticon
    1933 days ago
  • DEBLYNN323
    Great blog! emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Great blog! Nothing like the cold hard truth to keep one motivated.
    1933 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
  • BANDMOM2012
    Glad to know I am not the only person who notices these things. I have a friend who is a little heavier than me - and the smell is so noticeable. The sex - hahahaha! You are so right :)
    1933 days ago
    All true! Great post - as if we needed more motivation - those are all great reminders of why we're heading where we're heading. Except for the feet part - I still think my feet are adorable! emoticon
    1933 days ago
    I found my inspiration for today, thank you for the inspiring read! You ROCK!!!!
    1933 days ago
    Thank you for your candor. You are a great motivator! emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Great blog. Some things to look forward to!
    1933 days ago
    Great blog, thanks for sharing this. emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Your honesty is refreshing and welcome by so many.

    1933 days ago
    some many truths great blog!! thanks for sharing!! i understood ALL of it LOL..
    1933 days ago
  • WILSON1926
    emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Incredibly honest, open, and a joy to read. EVERYONE needs a friend like you! emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Great blog! Thank you for speaking so candidly :)

    Laurie emoticon
    1933 days ago
    haha will you be my sparkfriend! ;) that was GREAT, girl you went there and never left! that is probably the most honest blog I'll read all year!
    1933 days ago
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