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The story of my life, welcome 2013!

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Addictions, overwhelmed, Coke Zero and pugs! Welcome 2013!!!
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  • LILYPAD12311
    Welcome Back,,,, I missed you Annie! I am back too,,,,, and you are right 2013 is going to be your year!!! emoticon
    1964 days ago
    I feel exactly the same on so many levels, its like you made this vlog in my head. Sept/Oct is the time for me too. It's my "Quitting Season". I generally hate New Year's and resolutions and all that, but I think I just needed an excuse to start back up again.
    I am happy to hear that you are back! I've missed talking to you and watching your vlogs! HUGS!
    1967 days ago
    For me it is April. I start getting overwhelmed now... after Christmas because there is so much unknown financially ahead. I need to have my books done. I am afraid of increasing bills. I don't have control. I don't like the change. I am learning what I can do and plug away at it. I have given some of the work and responsibility away by hiring an accountant company that is not per hour but instead I pay one fee for the entire year and can access them as often as I want. I did not realize that there were services that could help. I was intimidated. I wonder if there is someone who could help you plan or organize your finances in September?

    I too have a problem with people noticing my weight loss. My last photos I look GREAT. Part of me sees the weight loss as so slow that I hardly notice the difference when I look in the mirror. Why is it hard when they notice? Maybe because so often I feel like they judged me when I did not look good but didn't tell me. I feel like they say something and it shows how long it has been since they have seen me last and that hurts. I am afraid this is only temporary. I used to be a compulsive lier because I was afraid of saying something not true. LOL it doesn't make sence. What has helped has been being with people who I trust and who accept me unconditionally. For those who give compliments I think of them as pink elephants. Saying I look good is their way of snorting and I don't need to get into their heads.... there is nothing in there anyways. I jsut say "thank you" as though I am saying "gazoontite" (I am sure that is not how you spell that being that it means God Bless You... but it seems even more appropriate in the contex of elephants). When someone says "you look good" my mind turns it into a whole other conversation "you have obviously done some shortcut... cheated... won't last.... you DIDN'T look good before.... they want something from me... there is an agenda here because I don't believe it is true... "

    So is that all true? Nope. Somehow in my belief system growing up I made those associations. It is not that THEY are saying this but it is triggering these other messages to me. So what can I do about it? As an adult now, if my (let's say mother or father) said that to them, I think I would laugh. My parents had all kinds of problems and still do so yes, they had agendas, would turn any compliment into a critisism, and probably didn't mean it. It was a reflection of THEM, not ME. It should be heard in a Charlie Brown's teacher voice "WA WA WA WA WA". The words from them, mean nothing. Now, turning to my child, ME saying to them that they are looking good has so many other feelings and thoughts attached. "I'm proud of you. You are perfect just like you are. I see what you cannot see, the beauty in your soul". Now let's look at the outside world saying "you look good". Are they trying to say what my parents were? No. Are they trying to say what I am saying to my child? No. So what are they trying to say? "Your face has colour, your hair looks shiny, you look like your clothes fit well" are all signs that I am looking healthy and happy. When I am eating well and exercising I feel healthy and happy. So... when someone says "you are looking good" I can say "yes, it's true" or "thankyou (for reminding me)". If they say "you have lost weight.. or are melting away... or something similar...", same thing. There is no agenda, no other meaning, nothing they want.

    Now, I have this very strong memory of being pregnant and going to my OB/Gyn and him only looking at the numbers on the scale. In those days I had an eating disorder and he never asked me what I was eating... only how much I was gaining. In fact I was not gaining but I was eating crap. I was terrified of being found out. I was full of shame. To this day I have difficulty being honest with my doctors. I am afraid of judgement. Afraid that no matter what I do it will not be good enough. I am afraid of being overwhelmed. Thankfully I have learned with Overeater's Anonymous that this is part of a disease. Honesty has helped me change what I eat. I had to find a doctor I could trust and say "I can't hear this right now.... give me some time. Or I need to come back and discuss this because I have things I need to tell you." Spark people made the biggest difference for me learning to be consistent. Even when others don't appreciate what that means, I do. How many years has it been? Now I can go into the doctor's office and say "we are a team working on this... help me with this problem". I realize now that I am the "boss" and they work for me. If I am struggling then they can help me problem solve.

    I am writing a lot... should be a blog.... I guess it will be, lol. Annie, I enjoy your blogs and I relate to a lot of it. I may not "get" your point of view, but it helps me to consider what my point of view is. My offer to have you guys come over some time is still open. South/west- Richmond vilage. You need a car or we could arrange a pickup. Kids welcome. Justyna
    1967 days ago
    Welcome back!!! You were missed.
    1968 days ago
    Welcome back!!
    1968 days ago
    emoticon BACK you!! Glad you decided to get "jiggy" with it before it gets too far out of hand.
    I'm just like you are about people. I'm also a background person. I've been thru two divorces so that's why I don't trust anything that comes out of the mouth of a man. Women are cool but men, no way. Too bad, cuz I'm a good person and someone is missing out in this world LOL LOL
    You look great, love you pugs and raising two children by yourself is very hard.... I pretty much did that with my two boys, but all turned out well.
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    1968 days ago
    Welcome back! I'm sorry you've had a rough time lately, and I think doing this blog was a brave thing to do. Best wishes for your new goals for 2013! You can do it! emoticon
    1968 days ago
    Good to have you back. emoticon Happy New Year!
    1968 days ago
    good to have you back again!!!! Together we can do this. HUGS and Happy New Year.
    1968 days ago
    Golly....I just logged in for the first time in years. First person I looked for was you. So nice to see you again. I am going to do a weigh in tomorrow. I had a baby and was a severely sick person throughout my whole pregnancy so now with the new year thought I should get back some motivation......Happy New Year.....Natalie
    1968 days ago
    Glad you are back! Do not be afraid to ask other Sparkies why it is difficult to accept compliments. You may find a revelation in their answers. Best wishes to you!
    1968 days ago
    Did you notice that not wearing your BodyMedia Fit got you away from tracking the calories? You look quite sad for someone who is happy!

    Remember I am always here to help - just ask me woman!

    Let's have a great 2013 and may I suggest that you did the wise thing by keeping the Bosu away from me......ready to start hooping? Pick the night and let me know

    Later tater

    1968 days ago
    We can do it! Good start for 2013 emoticon
    1968 days ago
  • SWALL84
    Welcome Back! I don't like having people notice my weight loss either so if you figure out why, let me know! Also, Piper and Abby are adorable! :)
    1968 days ago
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